Almost a month. But I've been busy with some... things, so to say. Still really busy, but I found some down time to type this up.
Been having some weird dreams. I can never fully remember them, but they always have to do with me and someone else (who I don't know), and in every dream, we have a different relationship. One dream we'd have a Parent-Child relationship, then the next an Enemy-Ally relationship. Last night it was more of a business relationship. May I say how creepy I look in a business suit? Creepy as fuck D:
Here's some music I found:
I've grown fond of this song.
ha
ha
ha
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
huh
So. Saturday night, I had quite the nightmare. It wasn't exactly scary in a sense, and it did explain some things.
It had to do with me being stuck in my room in one of the houses I used to live in while in Vegas, and the weird thing was is that the room had no windows. And the reason why I was stuck was because, I'm guessing, my mother was roaming the rest of the house (mainly in the living room/kitchen). She wasn't exactly herself, persay. It was like she had been possessed by something, and I had this tremendous fear of her finding me. I'm guessing if she found me, it would be a bad thing. So I'm stuck in my room, and I think at some point there was another person with me, cause I remember hiding in the closet with someone else when la madre decided to pay my room a surprise visit. Anyway, I remember opening my door just a crack, and I could see my mother in the living room, back facing me, making weird noises while making a mess. She must of sensed me watching her, and I must of sensed her sensing me because I got very fearful and closed my door and tried to barricade it. And not too soon after I heard her coming down the hall and stopping outside my door. Just remembering how her raspy breathing sounded like sends shivers down my spine. At some point, I make it to the room next to me, which is in fact closer to the living room, but also the door out. This room had a window and it was bright outside. Apparently that was a bad thing as I remember trying to block out the light with the shades and something else. I think.. I think my mother came into the room and.. well, I'm not quite sure. But I can remember this pure absolute terror. It was rather horrifying. I still feel a little bit of that fear when I think about this nightmare. I shiver.
I find this and explanation because some shit is going down in the family, blahblahblah. But uh, why would I dream of this? I don't fear my mom. You know, my brain is telling me something I don't necessarily know, but need to know :1 What does this mean? fshk jgzbdhkjb ghjb dhjgb fhjbh Imma try and draw it out I suppose. It looks creepier than it sounds. Well, in my head at least. :I
It had to do with me being stuck in my room in one of the houses I used to live in while in Vegas, and the weird thing was is that the room had no windows. And the reason why I was stuck was because, I'm guessing, my mother was roaming the rest of the house (mainly in the living room/kitchen). She wasn't exactly herself, persay. It was like she had been possessed by something, and I had this tremendous fear of her finding me. I'm guessing if she found me, it would be a bad thing. So I'm stuck in my room, and I think at some point there was another person with me, cause I remember hiding in the closet with someone else when la madre decided to pay my room a surprise visit. Anyway, I remember opening my door just a crack, and I could see my mother in the living room, back facing me, making weird noises while making a mess. She must of sensed me watching her, and I must of sensed her sensing me because I got very fearful and closed my door and tried to barricade it. And not too soon after I heard her coming down the hall and stopping outside my door. Just remembering how her raspy breathing sounded like sends shivers down my spine. At some point, I make it to the room next to me, which is in fact closer to the living room, but also the door out. This room had a window and it was bright outside. Apparently that was a bad thing as I remember trying to block out the light with the shades and something else. I think.. I think my mother came into the room and.. well, I'm not quite sure. But I can remember this pure absolute terror. It was rather horrifying. I still feel a little bit of that fear when I think about this nightmare. I shiver.
I find this and explanation because some shit is going down in the family, blahblahblah. But uh, why would I dream of this? I don't fear my mom. You know, my brain is telling me something I don't necessarily know, but need to know :1 What does this mean? fshk jgzbdhkjb ghjb dhjgb fhjbh Imma try and draw it out I suppose. It looks creepier than it sounds. Well, in my head at least. :I
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Where's your arm, Starscream?
Pffffff- -starts to laugh uncontrollably-
Oh god, this Transformer continuity is just so freaking hilarious XD
Oh god, this Transformer continuity is just so freaking hilarious XD
Monday, May 9, 2011
Don't listen
...and they still scream at you for any reason they can think of, pointing out all your faults, not giving a damn or a single care as to if you are wounded in their plight of driving you deep into the ground.
I can't get to sleep. I've never had an easy time. The calls of sleep elude me while insomnia toys with my mind and it just drives me mad.
On nights like this, I just usually stare at the ceiling and wait fruitlessly for sleep's embrace. But I'm more restless than normal tonight. I have to write these thought down somewhere, constantly hoping that someone out there will read and understand what's going on inside the chaos in my mind.
I can't help but to feel caged, like an avian pet neglected and forgotten by it's owners while it just sits miserably day in and out on the same perch, doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again until it's days are up. It'll even go as far as to stare longingly at the sky from the window, wishing so bad to go back to it's domain, it's kingdom though it knows better than to hope for such hopeless dreams since it's accepted it's fate, but still quietly fighting back with that last strand of resisting.
I sometimes catch myself staring at the sky longingly, and the ache in my chest telling me that the sky is where I belong but I can't reach it. And there, sitting in my head is the sharp presence, screaming at me to go, go far away, to go and find a way to freedom that we both know is near impossible to obtain. Especially with these limitations I'm faced with. It pierces my mind with it's lure and and dances with me within my mind throughout the endless skies of my dreams.
I endure this... "Reality" so I can eventually go back to that far away place I've created in my head, a place I usually like better than the real world. Or whatever it is we call the real world. My fantasy world brings more appeal, and I often get so drowned by it that I forget who I am, where I am, what's going on, etc.. when I come back to "Reality". I would find that a little sad, but at the moment I can't help but feel the feelings become null and fade away for something more wonderful.
But I know that wonderful thing is something I won't feel. Freedom in the Skies. Almost sounds like a book title. Cheesy, almost. But it's true. It sits buried deep within, silently stalking until it can claw it's way out, to escape the cage and become free.
But it isn't the only thing in there. There's many others. There's a fire born of the hatred forged and suppressed over the years, constantly begging for release and even tries to get out on it's own accord. It's the face I see when my blood boils, lingering there, waiting for the right moment when I finally snap. Then there's the sadness, the depression, the fear. There's so many. Paranoia strikes through my poorly beating heart. There isn't a day that I can't help but to look behind my shoulder, fearful of a silent and unknown assailant stalking me behind the boundaries of my senses. They watch, they wait. Always there.
It's like my mind is not only my personal paradise, but my personal hell as well. Of course, why would I think any differently? Even I know I'm not safe in my own mind. I've known this for a while.
But a part of me wishes that this could all stop, all the confusing thought racing in my head, crisscrossing and intersecting in fitful ends. To even make sense of it all would be satisfying. Even the things I keep hidden in my mind, the things I can hardly and even barely try to explain are so out of there, it's hard to imagine it's even from this world.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here. And full of myself. I mean, how could a little insignificant person like me even possess something like that? There are more pressing and more important matters going on than that of my little.. instability. Surely these feelings are normal, and that I should just learn to live with them. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm really worth it.
I dream of everlasting skies, flying through them with wings so great, I can break the sound barrier. I dream of off distant planets and their inhabitants. I dream of the freedom I know I can't have. I dream of a place where I know I belong, where I know I'll never have to doubt myself or anyone else. I dream of flight by natural means. I dream of Freedom. I dream of Flight. Freedom. Flight. FF.
I can't get to sleep. I've never had an easy time. The calls of sleep elude me while insomnia toys with my mind and it just drives me mad.
On nights like this, I just usually stare at the ceiling and wait fruitlessly for sleep's embrace. But I'm more restless than normal tonight. I have to write these thought down somewhere, constantly hoping that someone out there will read and understand what's going on inside the chaos in my mind.
I can't help but to feel caged, like an avian pet neglected and forgotten by it's owners while it just sits miserably day in and out on the same perch, doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again until it's days are up. It'll even go as far as to stare longingly at the sky from the window, wishing so bad to go back to it's domain, it's kingdom though it knows better than to hope for such hopeless dreams since it's accepted it's fate, but still quietly fighting back with that last strand of resisting.
I sometimes catch myself staring at the sky longingly, and the ache in my chest telling me that the sky is where I belong but I can't reach it. And there, sitting in my head is the sharp presence, screaming at me to go, go far away, to go and find a way to freedom that we both know is near impossible to obtain. Especially with these limitations I'm faced with. It pierces my mind with it's lure and and dances with me within my mind throughout the endless skies of my dreams.
I endure this... "Reality" so I can eventually go back to that far away place I've created in my head, a place I usually like better than the real world. Or whatever it is we call the real world. My fantasy world brings more appeal, and I often get so drowned by it that I forget who I am, where I am, what's going on, etc.. when I come back to "Reality". I would find that a little sad, but at the moment I can't help but feel the feelings become null and fade away for something more wonderful.
But I know that wonderful thing is something I won't feel. Freedom in the Skies. Almost sounds like a book title. Cheesy, almost. But it's true. It sits buried deep within, silently stalking until it can claw it's way out, to escape the cage and become free.
But it isn't the only thing in there. There's many others. There's a fire born of the hatred forged and suppressed over the years, constantly begging for release and even tries to get out on it's own accord. It's the face I see when my blood boils, lingering there, waiting for the right moment when I finally snap. Then there's the sadness, the depression, the fear. There's so many. Paranoia strikes through my poorly beating heart. There isn't a day that I can't help but to look behind my shoulder, fearful of a silent and unknown assailant stalking me behind the boundaries of my senses. They watch, they wait. Always there.
It's like my mind is not only my personal paradise, but my personal hell as well. Of course, why would I think any differently? Even I know I'm not safe in my own mind. I've known this for a while.
But a part of me wishes that this could all stop, all the confusing thought racing in my head, crisscrossing and intersecting in fitful ends. To even make sense of it all would be satisfying. Even the things I keep hidden in my mind, the things I can hardly and even barely try to explain are so out of there, it's hard to imagine it's even from this world.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here. And full of myself. I mean, how could a little insignificant person like me even possess something like that? There are more pressing and more important matters going on than that of my little.. instability. Surely these feelings are normal, and that I should just learn to live with them. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm really worth it.
I dream of everlasting skies, flying through them with wings so great, I can break the sound barrier. I dream of off distant planets and their inhabitants. I dream of the freedom I know I can't have. I dream of a place where I know I belong, where I know I'll never have to doubt myself or anyone else. I dream of flight by natural means. I dream of Freedom. I dream of Flight. Freedom. Flight. FF.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The darkness holding me tightly, Until the sun rises up
Honestly? I'm a little afraid of going to sleep tonight. Why? I have no clue, just one of those feelings that tell you stuff. And I'm getting real nervous right now. Maybe because I haven't had a nightmare the past week or so, only weird dreams. This is unusual. I'm past due for my weekly mental scare. Well, whatever's up, I'm fine with the absence of possible hallucinations.
Or maybe it's because my friend decided to run away last Friday (and came back Saturday morning) without telling anybody, and proceeded to not go to school for all but one day. Maybe. Whatever.
You know, Advil tastes good. I took a pill the other day to tame these horrid pollen allergies, and it tasted lovely.
And on another change of topic: Transformers Prime. Episode 14. OHMAHGAWD. Should of seen me while I was watching it, I was going nuts. Ha ha ha. I'm such a nerd. But the cool thing is, a bunch of G-whiners (G1 Transformer fanboys who like to hate on all the other Transformer shows/movies) have said they like this series. SO MANY REFERENCES WOAH MAN. Designs aren't blocks on boxes or just strange proportions that wouldn't work at all, and take some aspects of Bayformers designs and original designs and- OK, gotta stop myself here. I'll go nuts if I don't.
Also, I don't remember if I ever mentioned this, but you know how my friend Kellie has told me how she dreams of Slender Man telling her to kill me (if you don't you do now)? Well, week or so ago, she told me she had a dream that He had ME kill HER and then He killed me, and that was the end of that. Weird. And I told her that her mind must hate me quite a lot. xD She was like No no! I don't hate you! and something about her just getting really into to stuff, or it was depression venting. I have no idea.
If you'll excuse me, I have som logarithms I need to finish up for math class tomorrow.
regards,
aXn
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I'll help you tie the rope around your neck
Ehem. Sorry, listening to music.
Anyway, I'm sick. Sort of, but I think I'd count nausea, headaches, coughing, runny/stuffy noses as being sick with a side order of pollen allergies. I've never had a problem with pollen before. I guess my body this year decided it hated me more than usual. Then again, my grandma said pollen is really horrible this year. I want to tear out my eyeballs just to make the itchy feeling go away. It's like those mini cysts that like to form on my eyelids near my tear ducts.
Not been getting sleep as of late. Last Saturday I had to "help" my grandparents baby-sit my 3 year old sister and 9 year old cousin. When I say "help" I mean I had to watch them and do diaper duty and I had to entertain... Well, My cousin, she's cool. She doesn't need constant survellience and isn't annoying. Where my sister is the exact opposite. She also snores, LOUDLY. The three of us had to share a room, and my cousin and I could NOT get to sleep because of the snoring. I couldn't get to sleep till 4 in the morning, and was woken up at 6/7 by the other two, and was woken up again around 830 by one of my friends texting me one of our friends ran away. Not a very good night. And ever since then, I haven't been getting sleep. And when I did (ie yesterday), I was still so tired that I slept in my classes. Right now I feel like I'm going to pass out.
And I noticed this blog really doesn't have much of a purpose anymore :P
Also: I'm practicing drawing expressions. It's insanely fun.
regards,
aXn
Anyway, I'm sick. Sort of, but I think I'd count nausea, headaches, coughing, runny/stuffy noses as being sick with a side order of pollen allergies. I've never had a problem with pollen before. I guess my body this year decided it hated me more than usual. Then again, my grandma said pollen is really horrible this year. I want to tear out my eyeballs just to make the itchy feeling go away. It's like those mini cysts that like to form on my eyelids near my tear ducts.
Not been getting sleep as of late. Last Saturday I had to "help" my grandparents baby-sit my 3 year old sister and 9 year old cousin. When I say "help" I mean I had to watch them and do diaper duty and I had to entertain... Well, My cousin, she's cool. She doesn't need constant survellience and isn't annoying. Where my sister is the exact opposite. She also snores, LOUDLY. The three of us had to share a room, and my cousin and I could NOT get to sleep because of the snoring. I couldn't get to sleep till 4 in the morning, and was woken up at 6/7 by the other two, and was woken up again around 830 by one of my friends texting me one of our friends ran away. Not a very good night. And ever since then, I haven't been getting sleep. And when I did (ie yesterday), I was still so tired that I slept in my classes. Right now I feel like I'm going to pass out.
And I noticed this blog really doesn't have much of a purpose anymore :P
Also: I'm practicing drawing expressions. It's insanely fun.
regards,
aXn
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I'm in an extremely happy mood right now. Why? I haven't the slightest idea.
Let me recap the past few days:
Friday night, my Marble Hornets DVD finally came. Yay! So what did I do? I watched both disks all the way through.
Saturday, I had to go get new clothes. Have I ever said how much I hate a lot of the people in my age group?
Sunday, went to Vermont with family (huge family outing, though I'm not related to any of them). Happy Easter btw. Whatever it celebrates anyway (rants about how meaningless Holidays are becoming these days)
Sunday Night/Monday Morning, had a very weird dream/nightmare. I was in a city in a car with my step mom. We crashed by a hospital/science building, and she left me. When I came to, the place was under quarantine (there was some crazy smoke stuff going on through the windows), and the place was near deserted. I saw a guy run past and I opened the car door to ask him what was going on. He said the place was under quarantine, and that if we didn't get out of there/hide, we were going to get caught. So I ran with him, and he went to a building and opened a vent grate and got in. As I was getting in, I heard shouts. I got very fearful here, and when I got in the vent (it was vertical, and it seemed like an endless drop) I woke up. And my back (along my spine) felt weird. Like a weird tingling hot and cold at the same time feeling. And in my minds eye, I imagined a RIG on my back, flashing red :P When I went back to sleep, I was back in that city, but running from Agents (of what, idk), and hid in a building. I escaped, then somehow liberated the city from... something evil I guess. Haven't a clue.
Monday, I started and finished my ref sheet for a tournament I'm in on DA. Not very happy with it, but it's WAY better than the ref I made a couple years ago for a different tourney that I didn't get in. whatever.
So today, as mentioned before, I'm am in a ridiculously good mood. Last time that happened, my whole day went down the shitter :P ah well. We'll see.
Excuse me for a moment.
regards,
aXn
Let me recap the past few days:
Friday night, my Marble Hornets DVD finally came. Yay! So what did I do? I watched both disks all the way through.
Saturday, I had to go get new clothes. Have I ever said how much I hate a lot of the people in my age group?
Sunday, went to Vermont with family (huge family outing, though I'm not related to any of them). Happy Easter btw. Whatever it celebrates anyway (rants about how meaningless Holidays are becoming these days)
Sunday Night/Monday Morning, had a very weird dream/nightmare. I was in a city in a car with my step mom. We crashed by a hospital/science building, and she left me. When I came to, the place was under quarantine (there was some crazy smoke stuff going on through the windows), and the place was near deserted. I saw a guy run past and I opened the car door to ask him what was going on. He said the place was under quarantine, and that if we didn't get out of there/hide, we were going to get caught. So I ran with him, and he went to a building and opened a vent grate and got in. As I was getting in, I heard shouts. I got very fearful here, and when I got in the vent (it was vertical, and it seemed like an endless drop) I woke up. And my back (along my spine) felt weird. Like a weird tingling hot and cold at the same time feeling. And in my minds eye, I imagined a RIG on my back, flashing red :P When I went back to sleep, I was back in that city, but running from Agents (of what, idk), and hid in a building. I escaped, then somehow liberated the city from... something evil I guess. Haven't a clue.
Monday, I started and finished my ref sheet for a tournament I'm in on DA. Not very happy with it, but it's WAY better than the ref I made a couple years ago for a different tourney that I didn't get in. whatever.
So today, as mentioned before, I'm am in a ridiculously good mood. Last time that happened, my whole day went down the shitter :P ah well. We'll see.
Excuse me for a moment.
regards,
aXn
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Another Nightmare last night - and some ramblings
This is getting a little redundant. I mean, seriously now. These nightmares are starting to bug me, especially since they tend to wake me up at some horrible hour in the morning in a coughing fit. Not amusing.
I'm unsure how exactly it went.
It started with me and a couple others, in a seemingly abandoned community or something of the sort. We had been in... an apartment, squatting/taking refuge/whatever for an indiscernible amount of time. We were.. running from something in the apartment complex. It was dark everywhere, so it was hard to see where we were going. We had been separated or something (and I think there was something about a test...?) and I was running down through a hallway that had many turns, and the doors, previously closed, began to open behind me, and when I would look back, Tall and Faceless would be in that room, watching me. At some point, I found a door that was opened (and inside was dark) and I 'hid' in it. This part is confusing. It was like a game where you can pause it, but my head felt like it was buzzing with energy and I couldn't concentrate (hard to describe) or focus, and the next thing I knew, the hallway light or the room light was on (it was very illuminated where I was) and SM was standing not even and inch away from me. Scary bro.
Transition to me running into an alley in between a few large brick buildings, still dark outside. And I was being chased by these people (who later I dubbed as Proxies) who had these glowing eyes (I think they were green). I remember getting into one of the buildings, then nothing.
Transition to a big house, three levels if I remember correctly(I was on the top level). It was bright and warm and cozy and this lady who owned it turned out to be an angel (or something of the sort). She allowed me to stay at the place. Then this dude had come up to her and asked for the floor plans of the house. She told him to look to the balcony or something (well, when I think about it, she gave directions like she was pointing to some object on a shelf).
The guy went over to the balcony and I followed him, and there was a woman on the ground looking up at the guy. I saw through his vision (clairvoyance hurr) just a normal person, but when I switched back to my vision, I saw not a woman, but an angel, with golden wings. And the angel looked to her right, and there stood another angel, but with grey/silver wings. The guy couldn't see it (clairvoyance) but I could. Sliver wings had a knife, and she started to cut off her left wing. With each cry of pain, Gold wings started crying/screaming for silver wings to stop.
I walked further into the balcony, and found other angels, and I told them that I knew what they were and I could see their wings. One of them gave me a nasty look. Some point mt glasses were knocked off and fell down between the wooden floor boards to the bottom level (by the basement)below..
Next thing I know I'm in the bottom level of the house (outside), on a search for my glasses. But it was dark, and again, I was being chased by the Proxies. I ran into the house through a sliding glass door, and the House Lady was there, with the angels, and they were casting a spell to keep the Proxies out. They said I had to help (make a chant to power he spell), and I had said something/emphasized Friday in the month of February, and Man and Woman. I have no clue. Then the Lady was teaching us how to fight against some powerful being, and I had said that I already took a self defense class. I think the Proxies broke in at this point, and I woke up having a coughing fit.
When I did wake up, my room was very warm. Good thing I have water with me at all times.
In other news, I won a huge basket of Japanese candy. Reason: A week or so ago, the Japanese Culture Club at my school was holding a raffle at lunch, which was pretty much donating money to help support Japan and whatnot by buying raffle tickets (the money went to the Red Cross which went to aiding Japan), and since I know most of the people in the club (and I wanted to help), I bought a few tickets. Today, on the announcements, they drew out a ticket, and lo and behold: <Insert my name here> wins. What a surprise. I mean, really. I NEVER win anything. Like in German class a few years back, we had a raffle drawing (we got tickets when we did good; I got a bunch) but I never got anything. ifhjg lsighkj sdkh oh well. There's enogh sugar in my room now to kill several small animals :D
Well, that's all for now. I have an essay for English I have to type up (jdsh jgjhdf sfsd ). At least spring break is next week.
regards,
aXn
I'm unsure how exactly it went.
It started with me and a couple others, in a seemingly abandoned community or something of the sort. We had been in... an apartment, squatting/taking refuge/whatever for an indiscernible amount of time. We were.. running from something in the apartment complex. It was dark everywhere, so it was hard to see where we were going. We had been separated or something (and I think there was something about a test...?) and I was running down through a hallway that had many turns, and the doors, previously closed, began to open behind me, and when I would look back, Tall and Faceless would be in that room, watching me. At some point, I found a door that was opened (and inside was dark) and I 'hid' in it. This part is confusing. It was like a game where you can pause it, but my head felt like it was buzzing with energy and I couldn't concentrate (hard to describe) or focus, and the next thing I knew, the hallway light or the room light was on (it was very illuminated where I was) and SM was standing not even and inch away from me. Scary bro.
Transition to me running into an alley in between a few large brick buildings, still dark outside. And I was being chased by these people (who later I dubbed as Proxies) who had these glowing eyes (I think they were green). I remember getting into one of the buildings, then nothing.
Transition to a big house, three levels if I remember correctly(I was on the top level). It was bright and warm and cozy and this lady who owned it turned out to be an angel (or something of the sort). She allowed me to stay at the place. Then this dude had come up to her and asked for the floor plans of the house. She told him to look to the balcony or something (well, when I think about it, she gave directions like she was pointing to some object on a shelf).
The guy went over to the balcony and I followed him, and there was a woman on the ground looking up at the guy. I saw through his vision (clairvoyance hurr) just a normal person, but when I switched back to my vision, I saw not a woman, but an angel, with golden wings. And the angel looked to her right, and there stood another angel, but with grey/silver wings. The guy couldn't see it (clairvoyance) but I could. Sliver wings had a knife, and she started to cut off her left wing. With each cry of pain, Gold wings started crying/screaming for silver wings to stop.
I walked further into the balcony, and found other angels, and I told them that I knew what they were and I could see their wings. One of them gave me a nasty look. Some point mt glasses were knocked off and fell down between the wooden floor boards to the bottom level (by the basement)below..
Next thing I know I'm in the bottom level of the house (outside), on a search for my glasses. But it was dark, and again, I was being chased by the Proxies. I ran into the house through a sliding glass door, and the House Lady was there, with the angels, and they were casting a spell to keep the Proxies out. They said I had to help (make a chant to power he spell), and I had said something/emphasized Friday in the month of February, and Man and Woman. I have no clue. Then the Lady was teaching us how to fight against some powerful being, and I had said that I already took a self defense class. I think the Proxies broke in at this point, and I woke up having a coughing fit.
When I did wake up, my room was very warm. Good thing I have water with me at all times.
In other news, I won a huge basket of Japanese candy. Reason: A week or so ago, the Japanese Culture Club at my school was holding a raffle at lunch, which was pretty much donating money to help support Japan and whatnot by buying raffle tickets (the money went to the Red Cross which went to aiding Japan), and since I know most of the people in the club (and I wanted to help), I bought a few tickets. Today, on the announcements, they drew out a ticket, and lo and behold: <Insert my name here> wins. What a surprise. I mean, really. I NEVER win anything. Like in German class a few years back, we had a raffle drawing (we got tickets when we did good; I got a bunch) but I never got anything. ifhjg lsighkj sdkh oh well. There's enogh sugar in my room now to kill several small animals :D
Well, that's all for now. I have an essay for English I have to type up (jdsh jgjhdf sfsd ). At least spring break is next week.
regards,
aXn
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I'm turning into a pile of mush
PORTAL 2. df jhgsdrfug g d,k the soundtrack.... OH god, how I've missed GLaDOS's voice... drools It's just so spectacularjdf sk jsfhsjd fjsd too bad it lags like hell on my laptop. Oh well. That's what computer towers are for. gfjsdf bhkjfbghsdfkj bsgb sd Excuse me while I go calm down. I haven't been this excited since Dead Space 2, and that's still sitting on my desk, waiting for me to upgrade to a gamer's PC or an actual computer :P
BTW, got a huge ass first aid kit, since I'm taking CPR and First Aid classes this quarter. I looked through it earlier (the kit). Holy shit. There's like... over 9000 band aids in there xD
I don't have much time for this post, so I'm going to have to cut it short.
regards,
aXn
BTW, got a huge ass first aid kit, since I'm taking CPR and First Aid classes this quarter. I looked through it earlier (the kit). Holy shit. There's like... over 9000 band aids in there xD
I don't have much time for this post, so I'm going to have to cut it short.
regards,
aXn
Sunday, April 10, 2011
NoitMairs
HURR.
Firstly: TF:P - New episode yesterday. fsjsdhsjhfj dh I'm such a weirdo. xD
Now: Nightmare peoples. And guess who starred in it? SM. hehehhhhhhhh... NO. THANKS.
It starts out as one of those "IDK why, but I'm going to school, but the journey there makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever and takes forever to get there" kind of dreams. Fun. So I'm in this place that's like a city that's indoors (like the Sprawl from DS2), and the whole thing goes up quite a few levels/floors. I'm in the shopping sector looking for some of my friends so they can ride the tram with me to school. Yes, a tram. I go into a store and find my friend, Haley, and I ask her if she would like to join me. But she says she can't cause she has to finish up her job and close, but she'd meet me at school. So I left, and went to another store, where my friend John was, and asked him the same thing. I don't remember what he said, and I left, and proceeded to go to the large stairway that led to the tram station.
On the stairs, I saw John there. Well, two of them to be exact. And I asked the one closest didn't I just see him upstairs not even a minute ago, and he replied I couldn't of, cause he hadn't been upstairs the whole day. The other John just glared at me. And so I went on my merry way.
I don't remember how, but I ended up in the residential sector, in a garden/park area. There was a girl there, who had hair in her face and a hoodie on with the hood up, and she was obscured by shadow, regardless of being in the light or not. She had a knife (well, it looked like a knife) and it was either black, or covered in something black-ish. And she started to chase me throughout the gardens, and every so often, we'd come across one of my friends, and she'd kill them, right in front of me. Eventually, I made it to my house (and surprisingly, the door was opened already. I also vaguely remember being stabbed by the girl, but that could of come from another dream).
But the thing was, the girl was no longer chasing me, more like, running away from something, but in my direction. She looked so scared (her hair was no longer in her face) and terrified. I got in my house and closed the door, and locked it. The next parts I may get screwed up.
After locking the door, she crashed into it, pounding on it and screaming/pleading/crying for me to let her in. But I didn't. I looked through the peephole and saw her, crying, and HIM standing behind her, his arms out as if he was going to hug her (and the weird thing is, I couldn't look directly at him, and every time I tried, I just couldn't). But those who are familiar with the Slender Man Mythos know that He wasn't going to hug her. I do believe, at this point, I slid down the the door, but I also remember watching her blood be splattered on the peephole lens at the same time (like double vision), so I think I saw both peephole and eyeball vision :P
So as I listened to the girl be murdered (screaming and screaming and screaming), I was staring at the door across from me. It was partially covered in shadow, and part of me told me/asked me that there was something bad behind that door. For some reason, I stood back up and looked through the peephole again. HE was STARING RIGHT AT ME WITH HIS FACELESS FACE. All up in the peephole lens. And part of me knew that he had his arms open in that hug like pose.
AND THEN I WOKE UP (at like... 420? I checked the time a little after I woke up). And I swear on my life that something said either "Hi" or "I" from the corner of my room where my heater is. It could either be early morning hallucinations, residual blabla whatever it is from the nightmare, or just some random yahoo outside at godaweful hours in the morning. IDK. Maybe it's something else.
In other news (related on the Slender Man topic), when I was hanging out with John and Haley today, I had one HELL of a coughing fit (we were on top of a parking garage, looking at the city/town below when it started). Like, it was so bad that I got a headache and a stomachache from it. And I just couldn't stop coughing. John suggested that we go back down (he knows of SM. He was all like "He's here!"), and while we were going down the stairs, the coughing got less and less until it eventually stopped (with the occasional coughs here and there). And mind you, I'm not sick anymore. I'm still kind of coughing a little here and there, but it's not as bad. blahsdfjae hfkeh kfh sfehjfjahh
And in awesome news: PORTAL 2. YES. jef sjsr NEXT WEEK. DJgfs kgh rgkjaz rgaht 48 u9q34ut0q84qurtfhdf jghdughdrh
hurray for random button smashing~
regards,
aXn
Firstly: TF:P - New episode yesterday. fsjsdhsjhfj dh I'm such a weirdo. xD
Now: Nightmare peoples. And guess who starred in it? SM. hehehhhhhhhh... NO. THANKS.
It starts out as one of those "IDK why, but I'm going to school, but the journey there makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever and takes forever to get there" kind of dreams. Fun. So I'm in this place that's like a city that's indoors (like the Sprawl from DS2), and the whole thing goes up quite a few levels/floors. I'm in the shopping sector looking for some of my friends so they can ride the tram with me to school. Yes, a tram. I go into a store and find my friend, Haley, and I ask her if she would like to join me. But she says she can't cause she has to finish up her job and close, but she'd meet me at school. So I left, and went to another store, where my friend John was, and asked him the same thing. I don't remember what he said, and I left, and proceeded to go to the large stairway that led to the tram station.
On the stairs, I saw John there. Well, two of them to be exact. And I asked the one closest didn't I just see him upstairs not even a minute ago, and he replied I couldn't of, cause he hadn't been upstairs the whole day. The other John just glared at me. And so I went on my merry way.
I don't remember how, but I ended up in the residential sector, in a garden/park area. There was a girl there, who had hair in her face and a hoodie on with the hood up, and she was obscured by shadow, regardless of being in the light or not. She had a knife (well, it looked like a knife) and it was either black, or covered in something black-ish. And she started to chase me throughout the gardens, and every so often, we'd come across one of my friends, and she'd kill them, right in front of me. Eventually, I made it to my house (and surprisingly, the door was opened already. I also vaguely remember being stabbed by the girl, but that could of come from another dream).
But the thing was, the girl was no longer chasing me, more like, running away from something, but in my direction. She looked so scared (her hair was no longer in her face) and terrified. I got in my house and closed the door, and locked it. The next parts I may get screwed up.
After locking the door, she crashed into it, pounding on it and screaming/pleading/crying for me to let her in. But I didn't. I looked through the peephole and saw her, crying, and HIM standing behind her, his arms out as if he was going to hug her (and the weird thing is, I couldn't look directly at him, and every time I tried, I just couldn't). But those who are familiar with the Slender Man Mythos know that He wasn't going to hug her. I do believe, at this point, I slid down the the door, but I also remember watching her blood be splattered on the peephole lens at the same time (like double vision), so I think I saw both peephole and eyeball vision :P
So as I listened to the girl be murdered (screaming and screaming and screaming), I was staring at the door across from me. It was partially covered in shadow, and part of me told me/asked me that there was something bad behind that door. For some reason, I stood back up and looked through the peephole again. HE was STARING RIGHT AT ME WITH HIS FACELESS FACE. All up in the peephole lens. And part of me knew that he had his arms open in that hug like pose.
AND THEN I WOKE UP (at like... 420? I checked the time a little after I woke up). And I swear on my life that something said either "Hi" or "I" from the corner of my room where my heater is. It could either be early morning hallucinations, residual blabla whatever it is from the nightmare, or just some random yahoo outside at godaweful hours in the morning. IDK. Maybe it's something else.
In other news (related on the Slender Man topic), when I was hanging out with John and Haley today, I had one HELL of a coughing fit (we were on top of a parking garage, looking at the city/town below when it started). Like, it was so bad that I got a headache and a stomachache from it. And I just couldn't stop coughing. John suggested that we go back down (he knows of SM. He was all like "He's here!"), and while we were going down the stairs, the coughing got less and less until it eventually stopped (with the occasional coughs here and there). And mind you, I'm not sick anymore. I'm still kind of coughing a little here and there, but it's not as bad. blahsdfjae hfkeh kfh sfehjfjahh
And in awesome news: PORTAL 2. YES. jef sjsr NEXT WEEK. DJgfs kgh rgkjaz rgaht 48 u9q34ut0q84qurtfhdf jghdughdrh
hurray for random button smashing~
regards,
aXn
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
According to my dreams, a creepy, non visible faced humanoid owns me.
I just want to go home.
But where is home? Here? Back in Vegas? HAH! You have no nowhere to go! There is nowhere that you can go to escape what's happening, you know that! Your nightmares and personal demons are just going to following you till the day you DIE! Whether you accept that or not.
---
Alright. I said I'd post that dream from last week [and none from this week, mainly cause I can't remember any of my dreams].
3/31/11
Started with me going to my friend John's house. It was bright and sunny, like, really bright. There, we hung out and waited for one of his other friends to come over [who I'll call D]. D eventually came over, then we all drove to this convention thing, where I bought something, but I had to come back the next day to pick it up. After, D dropped us off at John's house, and then drove off. I had to text my mom that I needed a ride home [though in my dream I was living with my step mom]. The scenery changed or something, but not by much. It was still Johns house, but the layout had changed, and John disappeared. I walked into the living room, and there my mother was, on the floor, in one of those makeshift beds made of blankets and such. She was just laying there, staring at me. Her eyes were empty.
And crouched behind her, was this.. thing. I wouldn't want to call it a man; in my dream, I just knew he wasn't human, he just looked it. I don't think I ever really saw his face. It was pale? I don't know. It was blurred over. The rest of this.. Man was dark, black even. And sharp, as in, he had sharp angles on his body instead of smooth round curves of a human. Like he was an imposter. He looked right at me, and grinned. And he told me: "She belongs to Me. And soon, you'll belong to me, too".
There was some sort of transition here, I don't really remember the details, but I know I ended up in a different house. This one was not as bright, and it was in a slight blue-ish haze. There was a main living room, with two doors branching off on the left wall. From where I was standing, the Door to outside was behind me, and there was a window I couldn't see out of across the room. There was a dresser on the right wall that had my clothes in the top drawer.
If I remember correctly, the first door on the left was open, which showed it led to the master bedroom, which came with a bathroom. On the bed was Brian [an asshole who's now in a mental hospital for reasons you need not to know], and he was on his side, staring at me in the same manner that my mother did, his eyes empty as well. Behind him, was the Man, who was looking at me, again, but this time his face was much darker, nearly corresponding with the same color as his body [but I think it had a slight reddish tint to it now]. And again, he grinned, and told me: "He belongs to me, and now, YOU belong to me".
I was now back in the main room, kneeling by the dresser, the top shelf open. I was looking through the shirts, and the Man was by the door, with Brian [whose features had darkened and had become blurry]. The Man wanted the three of us to out to somewhere, but I don't know where. He had already opened the door, which I may add, outside looked like it was all white, and Brian walked through it and totally dissapeared a few feet out.
I wanted to change my shirt, but the Man said I couldn't. So, while 'sneakily' grabbing a shirt [it's black and white striped,one of my favorites], I asked the Man if I could go to the bathroom [remember? he apparently owns me now], and he said yes. I asked him which bathroom I could use, his, or the other one [which is where the second door leads to], and he told me to use the other one.
So I went into the other bathroom [which was blue/green tinted, and had a very large, stained glass window], and the Man appeared in front of me, and took the shirt I had out of my hands. He examined it, grinned at me, then gave it back, and told me to put it on, then left.
I do believe this is where I woke up.
Another note: I've been sick all week. It's horrible. I just recently got the sense of taste back, and my ears decided they'd pop for me. I have a minor runny nose, and I can breathe through it now. But this damned cough will not go away. It's rather annoying.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Spanish and Math to finish up for tomorrow :I
regards,
aXn
But where is home? Here? Back in Vegas? HAH! You have no nowhere to go! There is nowhere that you can go to escape what's happening, you know that! Your nightmares and personal demons are just going to following you till the day you DIE! Whether you accept that or not.
---
Alright. I said I'd post that dream from last week [and none from this week, mainly cause I can't remember any of my dreams].
3/31/11
Started with me going to my friend John's house. It was bright and sunny, like, really bright. There, we hung out and waited for one of his other friends to come over [who I'll call D]. D eventually came over, then we all drove to this convention thing, where I bought something, but I had to come back the next day to pick it up. After, D dropped us off at John's house, and then drove off. I had to text my mom that I needed a ride home [though in my dream I was living with my step mom]. The scenery changed or something, but not by much. It was still Johns house, but the layout had changed, and John disappeared. I walked into the living room, and there my mother was, on the floor, in one of those makeshift beds made of blankets and such. She was just laying there, staring at me. Her eyes were empty.
And crouched behind her, was this.. thing. I wouldn't want to call it a man; in my dream, I just knew he wasn't human, he just looked it. I don't think I ever really saw his face. It was pale? I don't know. It was blurred over. The rest of this.. Man was dark, black even. And sharp, as in, he had sharp angles on his body instead of smooth round curves of a human. Like he was an imposter. He looked right at me, and grinned. And he told me: "She belongs to Me. And soon, you'll belong to me, too".
There was some sort of transition here, I don't really remember the details, but I know I ended up in a different house. This one was not as bright, and it was in a slight blue-ish haze. There was a main living room, with two doors branching off on the left wall. From where I was standing, the Door to outside was behind me, and there was a window I couldn't see out of across the room. There was a dresser on the right wall that had my clothes in the top drawer.
If I remember correctly, the first door on the left was open, which showed it led to the master bedroom, which came with a bathroom. On the bed was Brian [an asshole who's now in a mental hospital for reasons you need not to know], and he was on his side, staring at me in the same manner that my mother did, his eyes empty as well. Behind him, was the Man, who was looking at me, again, but this time his face was much darker, nearly corresponding with the same color as his body [but I think it had a slight reddish tint to it now]. And again, he grinned, and told me: "He belongs to me, and now, YOU belong to me".
I was now back in the main room, kneeling by the dresser, the top shelf open. I was looking through the shirts, and the Man was by the door, with Brian [whose features had darkened and had become blurry]. The Man wanted the three of us to out to somewhere, but I don't know where. He had already opened the door, which I may add, outside looked like it was all white, and Brian walked through it and totally dissapeared a few feet out.
I wanted to change my shirt, but the Man said I couldn't. So, while 'sneakily' grabbing a shirt [it's black and white striped,one of my favorites], I asked the Man if I could go to the bathroom [remember? he apparently owns me now], and he said yes. I asked him which bathroom I could use, his, or the other one [which is where the second door leads to], and he told me to use the other one.
So I went into the other bathroom [which was blue/green tinted, and had a very large, stained glass window], and the Man appeared in front of me, and took the shirt I had out of my hands. He examined it, grinned at me, then gave it back, and told me to put it on, then left.
I do believe this is where I woke up.
Another note: I've been sick all week. It's horrible. I just recently got the sense of taste back, and my ears decided they'd pop for me. I have a minor runny nose, and I can breathe through it now. But this damned cough will not go away. It's rather annoying.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Spanish and Math to finish up for tomorrow :I
regards,
aXn
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Lullaby for you to sleep on
I had this really whack dream Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning. I'll post it later, don't have enough time right now.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
You know that rubber cement I said I bought a gazillion posts ago? Well, I fished it out from under the junk on my desk, and now I want to use it and stick things together. Did I mention it's flammable? That's something I'm going to have to check out.
()
In other news, I think there might be others in this town that know of Mr Tall and Faceless. Why? Well, last Friday, I think it was (sometime last week), I was walking downtown with my friend, and we saw quite a bunch of Operator symbols drawn in chalk on the ground, in strange places (ie. Front of an alley, the curb of an intersection, in the middle of the sidewalk, etc.). I know it was in chalk, cause the snow has been melting and when I went downtown Saturday, all the symbols were gone. Hurray? IDK. Doesn't bother me all that much, I suppose. Kind of reminds me of the time when I was (rather excitedly) telling my friend about Entry #35 when it came out, when she was getting breakfast at school, and one kid behind us gave me a knowing look/smirk/whatever (I knew because I wasn't facing forward, kind of turned around but not). Sooo yeah. Thank you for only existing in my head :D
So, I've been getting headaches a lot as of late. Like, a lot. At least I'm not coughing as much. I still cough here and there. More like a "HO SHIT THE AIR MAKES MY LUNGS iTCHY!!" cough rather than a "ÄHSDKFHS IKFHSK SHF Ñ Ö:L:EFO:EF SR":GPDR F"GP:DF kfd jsglkfhj skjfhjd GAAHHHHH MY INTERNAL ORGANS THAT DO STUUUFFFF!!!!!". Kellie has been getting them, too. Harrible.
BLEAH.
Had a weird dream last night. Something about being chased by a pissed of ex-con bus driver in the dark, my siblings being tortured and killed because they were gypsies (by Frollo from HoND, no less) in front of me, and last but not least, something about me being an accomplice to a thief/or something who went by the name of "X". All these weird things taking place in dark places. Brain, I applaud you for your "originality", but sometimes you just go too far.
I don't really have much else to say, 'cept that these pretzels I'm eating are kickass, and that I want some pickles. xD random. I'll prolly edit in something later when I have something to say. DERp.
regards,
aXn
()
In other news, I think there might be others in this town that know of Mr Tall and Faceless. Why? Well, last Friday, I think it was (sometime last week), I was walking downtown with my friend, and we saw quite a bunch of Operator symbols drawn in chalk on the ground, in strange places (ie. Front of an alley, the curb of an intersection, in the middle of the sidewalk, etc.). I know it was in chalk, cause the snow has been melting and when I went downtown Saturday, all the symbols were gone. Hurray? IDK. Doesn't bother me all that much, I suppose. Kind of reminds me of the time when I was (rather excitedly) telling my friend about Entry #35 when it came out, when she was getting breakfast at school, and one kid behind us gave me a knowing look/smirk/whatever (I knew because I wasn't facing forward, kind of turned around but not). Sooo yeah. Thank you for only existing in my head :D
So, I've been getting headaches a lot as of late. Like, a lot. At least I'm not coughing as much. I still cough here and there. More like a "HO SHIT THE AIR MAKES MY LUNGS iTCHY!!" cough rather than a "ÄHSDKFHS IKFHSK SHF Ñ Ö:L:EFO:EF SR":GPDR F"GP:DF kfd jsglkfhj skjfhjd GAAHHHHH MY INTERNAL ORGANS THAT DO STUUUFFFF!!!!!". Kellie has been getting them, too. Harrible.
BLEAH.
Had a weird dream last night. Something about being chased by a pissed of ex-con bus driver in the dark, my siblings being tortured and killed because they were gypsies (by Frollo from HoND, no less) in front of me, and last but not least, something about me being an accomplice to a thief/or something who went by the name of "X". All these weird things taking place in dark places. Brain, I applaud you for your "originality", but sometimes you just go too far.
I don't really have much else to say, 'cept that these pretzels I'm eating are kickass, and that I want some pickles. xD random. I'll prolly edit in something later when I have something to say. DERp.
regards,
aXn
Sunday, March 27, 2011
DREAM OF people doing stuff :P
If I remember correctly, I started out in this warehouse like place, and there was a lot machinery/large pipes/all this creepy shit that I swear Ive seen before (either in a dream or in RL). I'm with these other people, and we are looking for something/being chased by something. Not sure what. Something happens (and thinking about it now, I'm getting scared. I guess it was a monster?) and I wake up on the side of the road.
It's all cloudy out and looks like it's going to rain. I try to run to the nearest gas station/convenience, but never get there. This transitions to this dojo like place (idk how to describe it. It's like a mini city/village, but all one main building?), and in this place, these people take others in who I'm guessing have no where to go and teach them some sort of self defense (but using something like magic, but not quit. soul power? hell if I can remember). It (the teachings) were a mixture of physical and mental fighting, and I remember if it wasn't using a body part to attack, you used handsigns and whatever happened.
So I was brought there, or something, and I'm being taught with others how to do this stuff, and when I'm not being taught, I'm around helping people do things (as I was typing this line, memory flashed in my mind of a woman. I get mixed feelings from her.) that they need to do.
At one point, while me and a few other 'students' were practicing with each other in the outside courtyard, some guy came and attacked them all (I'm not quite sure if this is how it happened. big blank on details), but I know that eventually all but me and the all powerful guy (who now I'm sure was wanted dead or alive at this point) were the only ones outside, as the others either were stuck inside only to helplessly watch me and my novice-ness get my ass handed to me, or they left me out there to fend for myself.
This fight itself I don't really remember much details of, but I do know that I could jump high, dodge, run fast, all that stuff. I had thrown some punches at him, and tried summoning something, but panics because I just couldn't (he casted something to make me forget?) At one point, the guy pins me down. Stomach first on the ground, he had my arms pinned to my back, and he was holding my head to the ground with his other hand. He had forced my head to look towards the windows where I could see my peers watching, and for a second looked like they were dying/screaming, but they were just banging on the windows. Which wouldn't break. It got very quiet, and the guy teleported away from me. I got up, and the guy said to me something about how quite it was (Hear how quiet it is?). I had looked aroud, and everything had gotten blurry. Next thing I know, I had defeated the guy, and everyone was congratulating me, and one point I told someone that "I didn't do anything" (referring to me beating the guy). I dunno.
After, I had climbed one of the giant trees and hung up there, listening/watching people go by, and I saw the council elders, and I heard them talk about me. I can't remember what they were saying, but I know it wasn't good for me.
I dunno why, but the whole day, when thinking about this dream, I've gotten emotional over it, like there's a big connection to it, and I feel like there's somethng big/important that I'm missing about it. It (the dream) feels all too familiar to me. :P
regards,
aXn
EDIT: I wonder why all that originally came out as something equivalent to subscript.
It's all cloudy out and looks like it's going to rain. I try to run to the nearest gas station/convenience, but never get there. This transitions to this dojo like place (idk how to describe it. It's like a mini city/village, but all one main building?), and in this place, these people take others in who I'm guessing have no where to go and teach them some sort of self defense (but using something like magic, but not quit. soul power? hell if I can remember). It (the teachings) were a mixture of physical and mental fighting, and I remember if it wasn't using a body part to attack, you used handsigns and whatever happened.
So I was brought there, or something, and I'm being taught with others how to do this stuff, and when I'm not being taught, I'm around helping people do things (as I was typing this line, memory flashed in my mind of a woman. I get mixed feelings from her.) that they need to do.
At one point, while me and a few other 'students' were practicing with each other in the outside courtyard, some guy came and attacked them all (I'm not quite sure if this is how it happened. big blank on details), but I know that eventually all but me and the all powerful guy (who now I'm sure was wanted dead or alive at this point) were the only ones outside, as the others either were stuck inside only to helplessly watch me and my novice-ness get my ass handed to me, or they left me out there to fend for myself.
This fight itself I don't really remember much details of, but I do know that I could jump high, dodge, run fast, all that stuff. I had thrown some punches at him, and tried summoning something, but panics because I just couldn't (he casted something to make me forget?) At one point, the guy pins me down. Stomach first on the ground, he had my arms pinned to my back, and he was holding my head to the ground with his other hand. He had forced my head to look towards the windows where I could see my peers watching, and for a second looked like they were dying/screaming, but they were just banging on the windows. Which wouldn't break. It got very quiet, and the guy teleported away from me. I got up, and the guy said to me something about how quite it was (Hear how quiet it is?). I had looked aroud, and everything had gotten blurry. Next thing I know, I had defeated the guy, and everyone was congratulating me, and one point I told someone that "I didn't do anything" (referring to me beating the guy). I dunno.
After, I had climbed one of the giant trees and hung up there, listening/watching people go by, and I saw the council elders, and I heard them talk about me. I can't remember what they were saying, but I know it wasn't good for me.
I dunno why, but the whole day, when thinking about this dream, I've gotten emotional over it, like there's a big connection to it, and I feel like there's somethng big/important that I'm missing about it. It (the dream) feels all too familiar to me. :P
regards,
aXn
EDIT: I wonder why all that originally came out as something equivalent to subscript.
Punctuation, People. Use it.
rantrantrant.
So I don't know about you people, but I'm getting real sick and tired of trying to decipher sentences that use no punctuation, something like this: "oh hey guys I won't be on for a while I hope you all have a nice vacation oh guess what I'm going over to San Diego to visit my Aunt and Uncle it's going to be great I can't wait to leave but I don't like airplanes because this one time my seat was taken blah blah omg did you see that one show on tv last night it was even better than Lost or even maybe that one show that's always on nine what do you guys think I think it's so cool I hope something amazing happens blah blah blahblahblah". I know that this is the internet, but I see in "real life" as well. That's kind of pathetic. Seriously. -explodes-
In other, less ranty news, I had a very strange dream last night. I'll put it on later.
Also: I hate sleep overs. I really really do. Very much. It just breaks my normal routine so bad. But whatever.
regards,
aXn
So I don't know about you people, but I'm getting real sick and tired of trying to decipher sentences that use no punctuation, something like this: "oh hey guys I won't be on for a while I hope you all have a nice vacation oh guess what I'm going over to San Diego to visit my Aunt and Uncle it's going to be great I can't wait to leave but I don't like airplanes because this one time my seat was taken blah blah omg did you see that one show on tv last night it was even better than Lost or even maybe that one show that's always on nine what do you guys think I think it's so cool I hope something amazing happens blah blah blahblahblah". I know that this is the internet, but I see in "real life" as well. That's kind of pathetic. Seriously. -explodes-
In other, less ranty news, I had a very strange dream last night. I'll put it on later.
Also: I hate sleep overs. I really really do. Very much. It just breaks my normal routine so bad. But whatever.
regards,
aXn
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Excuse me while I go crawl in a corner (and rant on a bajillion of topics for no reason but to bother you)
...and pretend that the world is a better place. Excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in Monsters.
So I guess money is worth more than a life. Not just a human life. ANY kind of living being. Huh. I knew I wasn't worth much, but damn. Well, there's the world for you. Who cares if we can't afford to live, right? I mean, why would the fat cats care if the mice are starving?hahahahaha listen to me rambling on about stuff i dont know much about because i live under a rock and hardly ever watch tv or do things that any "normal" person would. i mean, what do i know? im just your average stupid american teenager who will account for nothing in life because we are stupid, right? thats what people tell me, anywho.
I hope and pray for the best for Japan. pleasepleaseplease don't meltdown, reactors. PLEASE. No one wants to have another Chernobyl. Especially if it's Japan we're talking about. I mean, them Japanese are like, so cool. And smart. yeh. Sending my prayers and best regards. I have a feeling somethings going to go down this week. I just hope it's just stress speaking and not my gut.
In other, semi depressing news: my friend was in a car accident with his mom Friday night. His mom was killed. He's severely injured (12 broken bones: both feet, both femur bones and his right arm). I visited him Sunday night. Not bad, but not good condition. He's up and conscious, has eaten, and has full recollection of what happened. Poor kid. Best regards and prayers to him to. It seems the world is mean this month. (and I don't blame the world one bit)
So, my friends being, well, them, have told me something interesting. A possible WW3. What. Please, no. We're already in the shitter. Why more war? This all just feels like a horribly infected wound that has that stingy feeling that makes you feel greasy, crusty, and like shit. Guh.
Thank you parents, for bringing me into a world (more like country) that hates us all. Yes. I'm complaining. I'm moaning and groaning about my problems while others have it way worse than I. Yep. Totally true. Thank you headache for brightening my day.
I can tell I'm going to have a hard night sleeping. Last time I was loaded with caffeine and took sleeping pills, I had horrible nightmares and kept waking up. Well, lets see how I fare with 260 mL of Monster in my system. Oh jeez. Well, I'm going to have to sleep sometime. DERP.
I had this post (not this one) I was writing in all planned out to release on Saturday, but things got in the way. I'll post it up eventually. Maybe. Yes. Maybe.
aargrergksfhkjsghhjsg jsghfjsfgimsotiredbutistillhaveenglishhomeworktofinishaahhhhitssohardtypinglikethisihavetofighttheimpulsetopressthespacebarhhnnnggngngjedghkfhkjhfaskjgasjgasjhfgsjdg
regards,
aXn
p.s. BOOKS. ARE. delicious.
EDIT
Just remembered. I'm officially an idiot. Ok, story time :D
So I was in my last class of the day, and we're taking notes on the Cold War and all that jazz, and the teacher (who is so cool in her own right) tells this kid (who's really quiet, but he's really smart and whatnot) that she's going to get him a hair clip thingy so we can see his face (his hair covers like, half his face) so she the teacher knows if he's sleeping or not (cause it looks like he is sleeping half the time), and he tells her that he's like a dolphin and sleeps with half a hemisphere. I kinda got what he said (I know the hemisphere he speaks of is half the brain). And then he's all "Oh yeah, I forgot I was surrounded by idiots." Not very nice, mind you. i wish I had my mp3 recording at the time. Then I could get a transcript. :P
So I guess money is worth more than a life. Not just a human life. ANY kind of living being. Huh. I knew I wasn't worth much, but damn. Well, there's the world for you. Who cares if we can't afford to live, right? I mean, why would the fat cats care if the mice are starving?
I hope and pray for the best for Japan. pleasepleaseplease don't meltdown, reactors. PLEASE. No one wants to have another Chernobyl. Especially if it's Japan we're talking about. I mean, them Japanese are like, so cool. And smart. yeh. Sending my prayers and best regards. I have a feeling somethings going to go down this week. I just hope it's just stress speaking and not my gut.
In other, semi depressing news: my friend was in a car accident with his mom Friday night. His mom was killed. He's severely injured (12 broken bones: both feet, both femur bones and his right arm). I visited him Sunday night. Not bad, but not good condition. He's up and conscious, has eaten, and has full recollection of what happened. Poor kid. Best regards and prayers to him to. It seems the world is mean this month. (and I don't blame the world one bit)
So, my friends being, well, them, have told me something interesting. A possible WW3. What. Please, no. We're already in the shitter. Why more war? This all just feels like a horribly infected wound that has that stingy feeling that makes you feel greasy, crusty, and like shit. Guh.
Thank you parents, for bringing me into a world (more like country) that hates us all. Yes. I'm complaining. I'm moaning and groaning about my problems while others have it way worse than I. Yep. Totally true. Thank you headache for brightening my day.
I can tell I'm going to have a hard night sleeping. Last time I was loaded with caffeine and took sleeping pills, I had horrible nightmares and kept waking up. Well, lets see how I fare with 260 mL of Monster in my system. Oh jeez. Well, I'm going to have to sleep sometime. DERP.
I had this post (not this one) I was writing in all planned out to release on Saturday, but things got in the way. I'll post it up eventually. Maybe. Yes. Maybe.
aargrergksfhkjsghhjsg jsghfjsfgimsotiredbutistillhaveenglishhomeworktofinishaahhhhitssohardtypinglikethisihavetofighttheimpulsetopressthespacebarhhnnnggngngjedghkfhkjhfaskjgasjgasjhfgsjdg
regards,
aXn
p.s. BOOKS. ARE. delicious.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Nightmare ramblings, little bit of ARG, and more ranting galore
Excuse me while I stop freaking out.
wait. Never mind. That was yesterday. Let me explain.
Ok, so, I've started to take some sleeping pills to help me get to sleep (ie Tylenol PM or whatever it is). You know, over the counter shit. First night was perfect. I got to sleep instantly. Amazing. After years of tossing and turning, this was the first I ever had that didn't include forever and a day of waiting forever to get to sleep. I was, to say in short, in an extremely good mood the next day, and actually awake and not falling asleep in class. All fine and dandy on all fronts. Yes.
Then came a few nights ago (well, monday night). I took my pill (I only take one. I have an extreme distrust towards any sort of medicine) and moseyed off to bed. But obviously somethings was wrong. Why else would I really get all dramatic over it? ANYWAy. It took me a little while to get to sleep that night. When I say a little, I mean a few hours of trying to find that spot that my body decides to be the resting place of the night. That in itself wasn't the issue. The issue was me constantly waking up. And the endless stream of nightmares. as well as something else that's been freaking me out. I'm sure you all know how it goes when you have a nightmare and when you go back to sleep (if you wake from it, of course) there's that off chance of having a double dose.
So for the past day and a half, I've been trying to fit all the pieces together. Yeah. I can hardly remember the full story on any of the nightmares. There were just so many, that Monday night/Tuesday morning felt like an eternity. Monday's classes felt like they happened years ago. And it's only Wednesday. The Timeline may not be entirely accurate. I don't know which happened when and what not, but I'll do my best to get it right. Also, I don't know all the times I woke up. So I'll mark it as unknown. [I'm probably missing some things]
Time: Unknown
Event: Dream: I was in someones house, and it was dark, like the power had been out, but it was daytime outside. I remember there being this hallway that was abnormally dark, so dark it was unnatural. I had avoided that hallway for the most part, I can tell you that. I had been.. searching for something. Something about that house was just.. wrong. I vaguely remember meeting/talking with the house's owner in a bedroom with a bunk bed. The room itself was abnormally dark, like the hallway, yet there was sunlight shining outside, but not quite coming through the window. I couldn't see the persons face, but I know he had bushy/curly-ish hair. Most everything else is blurry, but I vaguely recall finding one of my desk lamps and using it to light the abnormally dark hallway. There was something about a small table, and a large vent grate on the wall (like the ones in Half Life 1-2 ). I think I was trying to get behind the grate. I'm not too sure.
Time: 1 AM
Event: I woke up. My room was really warm again, regardless that it was very cold outside, and that my heater was set to low. I got up to check the time on my PSP. Went back to bed. Was on my right side facing the wall, when, I swear on my life, no, on this freaking planet, that something touched my back. Lower back, along the spine. I swear. It didn't feel.. right. I don't really know how to explain it. And you know what my brain registered it as? A tendril/tentacle whatever. Yes, my mind decided to give me the mental picture of a tendril of bright yellow/white colors. Hurray for hallucinations! not. Scared me half to death. Eventually got back to sleep.
Dream: Something about excavating a system of tunnels. Transitioned to me in POV of Issac Clark (something like that. Not entirely sure of what was going on and to who), who was stuck in a dark, abandoned warehouse, fighting Necromrophs. The slashers, I think. Then it transitioned to me in the same place, but I was running from something, in total darkness.
Time: Quarter of 2 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still very warm. Got up to check time, as well as to make sure that the heater was on low (I had thought that it was on higher and was the cause of the excess warmth. It was not). It was in fact on low. Went back to bed. Swear I saw something dark/black by my door, like a mass of awkward limbs all crouched together in, well, you guessed it, a crouch. Or something resembling that. I know it wasn't there before. I'm sure of it, cause I know I didn't see it last night (or any other time than the one that is being described). Eventually got to sleep.
Dream: Was in a mall like place with a few friends (?), looking for music boxes. Found two (I remember one of them played a song from FF7:CC or something, the other played kind of menacing (?) music) and bought them. I was then exiting by myself into the very crowded mallway (get it? mallway? as in mall hallway?), when some guy who looked like Frollo from the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" started following me, and it got to the point where he was chasing me. The people in the crowd either stood idly by, not doing anything, or were walking, and those who were walking, I passed right through them like they were ghosts. I was running in slomo, but not, like you know how in a dream you are running, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't go fast enough and it feels like something is holding you down. Yeah, like that. Well, I had gotten to the doors that led outside and got out, but he was right behind me and stabbed me in the back. I saw this in 3rd person. He left and I fell to the ground, bleeding a lot, like to death. There were people there, just standing there idly, staring at me. Doing absolutely nothing. Like they didn't care if I died.
Time: Unknown
Event: Woke up. Possibly looked out the window. Didn't stay awake long.
Dream: I was in an RPG like era. When I saw that, I saw the world in that not-quite-birds-eye-view-but-close. I had gone MIA, and my friend was looking for me. There was something about Green crystals. The big thing that stood out/I remember is me (in my POV) being in a battle of some sorts, and I was a high commander or something. I distinctly remember an enemy came and killed one of my friends right in front of me, and in turn, through my being in shock and some possible tears, I stabbed him in the neck with a bow (cause I was out of arrows?). He didn't even resist. Like he wanted me to kill him.
Time: Around 3 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still warm. Afraid to go back to sleep.
Dream: Mountain biking or snowmobiling with my dad. I was looking for something. People kept on disappearing. Not much details on this one.
Time: some time after 3 AM
Event: woke up. surprised I didn't even sleep half an hour.
Dream: I had my old Las Vegas cell phone. I was in a very dark room, and was trying to get the phone to light up (so it wouldn't be so dark), but it wouldn't work. The phone worked, but the LCD wouldn't turn on and illuminate stuff. I kept trying and trying, and I even tried turning on the mp3 player that was in the phone (cause that always turns the screen real bright) but it just wouldn't work.
Time: Unknown
Event: Unsure if I actually woke up. Think I did.
Time: Unknown
Event: Same as above. I think I had dreamed about waking up or something. Unsure.
Time: around 5 AM
Event: Woke up. Sad that I had only and hour until I had to really wake up and get ready for schoolage.
Alright. So that pretty much sums Monday night/yesterday morning. All yesterday I was highly irritable. I kept snapping at people (mainly friends who kept wanting to give me fucking hugs when they know I HATE hugs), which I apologized to today. I was stuck in a horrid mood, and I was scared of coming back home. All day I kept feeling that it was eternity since Monday. I still do.
It's like my perception of time is all screwed up :/
So I told Kellie all about my dreams and my little late night hallucinations, and she said "I think it's because you are afraid to be lonely. [You're dreams] pretty much have to do with people leaving you all alone." I think she's right. I'm also slightly afraid of the dark. But why harass me now, dreams? And for the whole 'I got touched by something and I saw something by my door', she said she thinks my house is haunted. I think either I'm just going crazy, or I need to lay off the sleeping pills. Or something. I dunno. I didn't get much sleep last night, and had some strange dreams, but I don't currently remember them. Had an OK day. But not the best. But it rained today. And it's supposed to be around 50 tomorrow. Which makes me a happy person. I hope it rains tomorrow.
Oh, on a last note, while being totally bored over the weekend (as well as me wanting to be part of that certain slender based ARG, but I can't since I'm shit at story telling and picture making), I made something I'd think a "proxy" would give to someone being stalked, or something like that. But this proxy would have to be artistic. And have a fire source. Because I did some burning. And inside the "envelope" smells like something burnt. AKA paper. and maybe a few matches. Among other things. It's pretty cool, in my opinion. I sowed it together with an operator symbol, and a Roman Numeral 7. I'll show some pics.
So I made an envelope out of some black "artagain" paper I have lying around (that I've hardly used XD ) and some metal tape to hold it together. Then, after "decorating" ir with my silver marker pens, and filled it up with stuffs (some of which are burnt), I ribboned it together. It's not like I have anything to do with the ribbon anyway. Might as well as use it. And the thread I used, I think is for embroidery, as it isn't all that strong. And it's shiny. Kind of. Oh well. I'm not all that good at this stuff. So yeah. (looking at this reminds me of some pages in House of Leaves. Except in HoL, it's way more confusing. I'm talking about the page layout. lol.)
I need a hobby or something. I can't keep burning things (well, that could be debatable). And I got to stop making things that will never really have any use to them. *coughenvelopethingcough*
excuse me while my internal organs explode.
regards,
aXn
wait. Never mind. That was yesterday. Let me explain.
Ok, so, I've started to take some sleeping pills to help me get to sleep (ie Tylenol PM or whatever it is). You know, over the counter shit. First night was perfect. I got to sleep instantly. Amazing. After years of tossing and turning, this was the first I ever had that didn't include forever and a day of waiting forever to get to sleep. I was, to say in short, in an extremely good mood the next day, and actually awake and not falling asleep in class. All fine and dandy on all fronts. Yes.
Then came a few nights ago (well, monday night). I took my pill (I only take one. I have an extreme distrust towards any sort of medicine) and moseyed off to bed. But obviously somethings was wrong. Why else would I really get all dramatic over it? ANYWAy. It took me a little while to get to sleep that night. When I say a little, I mean a few hours of trying to find that spot that my body decides to be the resting place of the night. That in itself wasn't the issue. The issue was me constantly waking up. And the endless stream of nightmares. as well as something else that's been freaking me out. I'm sure you all know how it goes when you have a nightmare and when you go back to sleep (if you wake from it, of course) there's that off chance of having a double dose.
So for the past day and a half, I've been trying to fit all the pieces together. Yeah. I can hardly remember the full story on any of the nightmares. There were just so many, that Monday night/Tuesday morning felt like an eternity. Monday's classes felt like they happened years ago. And it's only Wednesday. The Timeline may not be entirely accurate. I don't know which happened when and what not, but I'll do my best to get it right. Also, I don't know all the times I woke up. So I'll mark it as unknown. [I'm probably missing some things]
Time: Unknown
Event: Dream: I was in someones house, and it was dark, like the power had been out, but it was daytime outside. I remember there being this hallway that was abnormally dark, so dark it was unnatural. I had avoided that hallway for the most part, I can tell you that. I had been.. searching for something. Something about that house was just.. wrong. I vaguely remember meeting/talking with the house's owner in a bedroom with a bunk bed. The room itself was abnormally dark, like the hallway, yet there was sunlight shining outside, but not quite coming through the window. I couldn't see the persons face, but I know he had bushy/curly-ish hair. Most everything else is blurry, but I vaguely recall finding one of my desk lamps and using it to light the abnormally dark hallway. There was something about a small table, and a large vent grate on the wall (like the ones in Half Life 1-2 ). I think I was trying to get behind the grate. I'm not too sure.
Time: 1 AM
Event: I woke up. My room was really warm again, regardless that it was very cold outside, and that my heater was set to low. I got up to check the time on my PSP. Went back to bed. Was on my right side facing the wall, when, I swear on my life, no, on this freaking planet, that something touched my back. Lower back, along the spine. I swear. It didn't feel.. right. I don't really know how to explain it. And you know what my brain registered it as? A tendril/tentacle whatever. Yes, my mind decided to give me the mental picture of a tendril of bright yellow/white colors. Hurray for hallucinations! not. Scared me half to death. Eventually got back to sleep.
Dream: Something about excavating a system of tunnels. Transitioned to me in POV of Issac Clark (something like that. Not entirely sure of what was going on and to who), who was stuck in a dark, abandoned warehouse, fighting Necromrophs. The slashers, I think. Then it transitioned to me in the same place, but I was running from something, in total darkness.
Time: Quarter of 2 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still very warm. Got up to check time, as well as to make sure that the heater was on low (I had thought that it was on higher and was the cause of the excess warmth. It was not). It was in fact on low. Went back to bed. Swear I saw something dark/black by my door, like a mass of awkward limbs all crouched together in, well, you guessed it, a crouch. Or something resembling that. I know it wasn't there before. I'm sure of it, cause I know I didn't see it last night (or any other time than the one that is being described). Eventually got to sleep.
Dream: Was in a mall like place with a few friends (?), looking for music boxes. Found two (I remember one of them played a song from FF7:CC or something, the other played kind of menacing (?) music) and bought them. I was then exiting by myself into the very crowded mallway (get it? mallway? as in mall hallway?), when some guy who looked like Frollo from the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" started following me, and it got to the point where he was chasing me. The people in the crowd either stood idly by, not doing anything, or were walking, and those who were walking, I passed right through them like they were ghosts. I was running in slomo, but not, like you know how in a dream you are running, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't go fast enough and it feels like something is holding you down. Yeah, like that. Well, I had gotten to the doors that led outside and got out, but he was right behind me and stabbed me in the back. I saw this in 3rd person. He left and I fell to the ground, bleeding a lot, like to death. There were people there, just standing there idly, staring at me. Doing absolutely nothing. Like they didn't care if I died.
Time: Unknown
Event: Woke up. Possibly looked out the window. Didn't stay awake long.
Dream: I was in an RPG like era. When I saw that, I saw the world in that not-quite-birds-eye-view-but-close. I had gone MIA, and my friend was looking for me. There was something about Green crystals. The big thing that stood out/I remember is me (in my POV) being in a battle of some sorts, and I was a high commander or something. I distinctly remember an enemy came and killed one of my friends right in front of me, and in turn, through my being in shock and some possible tears, I stabbed him in the neck with a bow (cause I was out of arrows?). He didn't even resist. Like he wanted me to kill him.
Time: Around 3 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still warm. Afraid to go back to sleep.
Dream: Mountain biking or snowmobiling with my dad. I was looking for something. People kept on disappearing. Not much details on this one.
Time: some time after 3 AM
Event: woke up. surprised I didn't even sleep half an hour.
Dream: I had my old Las Vegas cell phone. I was in a very dark room, and was trying to get the phone to light up (so it wouldn't be so dark), but it wouldn't work. The phone worked, but the LCD wouldn't turn on and illuminate stuff. I kept trying and trying, and I even tried turning on the mp3 player that was in the phone (cause that always turns the screen real bright) but it just wouldn't work.
Time: Unknown
Event: Unsure if I actually woke up. Think I did.
Time: Unknown
Event: Same as above. I think I had dreamed about waking up or something. Unsure.
Time: around 5 AM
Event: Woke up. Sad that I had only and hour until I had to really wake up and get ready for schoolage.
Alright. So that pretty much sums Monday night/yesterday morning. All yesterday I was highly irritable. I kept snapping at people (mainly friends who kept wanting to give me fucking hugs when they know I HATE hugs), which I apologized to today. I was stuck in a horrid mood, and I was scared of coming back home. All day I kept feeling that it was eternity since Monday. I still do.
It's like my perception of time is all screwed up :/
So I told Kellie all about my dreams and my little late night hallucinations, and she said "I think it's because you are afraid to be lonely. [You're dreams] pretty much have to do with people leaving you all alone." I think she's right. I'm also slightly afraid of the dark. But why harass me now, dreams? And for the whole 'I got touched by something and I saw something by my door', she said she thinks my house is haunted. I think either I'm just going crazy, or I need to lay off the sleeping pills. Or something. I dunno. I didn't get much sleep last night, and had some strange dreams, but I don't currently remember them. Had an OK day. But not the best. But it rained today. And it's supposed to be around 50 tomorrow. Which makes me a happy person. I hope it rains tomorrow.
Oh, on a last note, while being totally bored over the weekend (as well as me wanting to be part of that certain slender based ARG, but I can't since I'm shit at story telling and picture making), I made something I'd think a "proxy" would give to someone being stalked, or something like that. But this proxy would have to be artistic. And have a fire source. Because I did some burning. And inside the "envelope" smells like something burnt. AKA paper. and maybe a few matches. Among other things. It's pretty cool, in my opinion. I sowed it together with an operator symbol, and a Roman Numeral 7. I'll show some pics.
 |
| Back side. Did this one first (so the ribbon would stay together, as well as the fact I was excited to do something like this XD ) |
 |
| Front side I was originally going to do another Operator Symbol, but the first one I had gotten frustrated with because I kept getting off track with the circle (had no preset image to go off of). Then I got this whole idea of whomever getting this would be the "7th" Victim, so to say. Kind of like in Silent Hill 4. |
I need a hobby or something. I can't keep burning things (well, that could be debatable). And I got to stop making things that will never really have any use to them. *coughenvelopethingcough*
excuse me while my internal organs explode.
regards,
aXn
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Nightmares galore
Guess what I had last night? Two fucking nightmares, that's what. >:1 I'm not amused. They both woke me up.
[FIRST]
This one, if I remember correctly, was based off of the everymanHYBRID cast. Ok, so I was with Vinnie, Jeff and Evan, and we were in someones house. I don't know who it belonged to, but I remember it being dark. We did something in the main area of the house (something about stairs), but what was more important happened in a bedroom. Nothing X-rated. I was in a swivel chair at a desk, Vinnie was next to me on another chair, and Jeff was on the bed. Evan was MIA at this point. I think I might of had a video camara with me. So at this point, the room was semi dark, everything was in a kind of grey scale, and we heard something under the bed. Well, lo and behold, Evan was under there, but he was growling like some feral animal, and he crawled out from under the bed, and was twitching everywhere. He came out little more than halfway, grabbed Jeff's feet/ankles, and dragged him under the bed. He (jeff) was clawing at the ground while he was being pulled. Kinda looked like the cover of Quarantine. I think Vin went either MIA or was dragged down with Jeff, cause next thing I know, he's not there, and I see an arm/torso kinda sticking out from the bed, tangled in blankets (that are still one with the bed). I had already identified it as Evan (however that was possible), and I tried to pull him out via me pulling on his arm. He started twitching like before, and did the crawling thing to get out from under the bed. He got out all the way and kind of just idled for a few seconds, then looked at me, and his head started to "bobble". Hard to explain. But I had seen that his eyes and mouth had been, well, I don't really know what to call it, but it was like the skin was melted/welded together. So he pretty much had no eyes and no mouth anymore, just a vicious and creepy ass scar.
And I woke up. It was like.. 2:30 in the morning. Kind of creeped out partly because the image of Evan was still fresh in my mind, and partly because every time I wake from a nightmare, I think there's something in my room that shouldn't be there.
anyway. Onto the next one!
[LAST]
I was in Vegas with my friend Amelia. And since I used to live in Vegas, I offered to show Amelia around a little bit. I believe we were down at the Strip (or something equivalent to that), looking at all the shops (that, for some reason, replaced all the casinos). Amelia found a bakery like place, and wanted something. I turned around for not even a minute to look at something, and BAM, Amelia was gone. Just like that. And I promised to her dad that I'd make sure she was safe. Hard to do when you don't know where she is, in the middle of Vegas. VEGAS. SIN CITY! I was sure that I was going to get murdered viciously. So I went on a crazy look about for Amelia ALL OVER the place. I even left the Strip a few times to see if she left or not. I couldn't find her anywhere. Then, I hear my sister has gone missing. So I balance out looking for Amelia with looking for my sister (who is an adult already). At some point, I found this.. piece of jewelry or something in a plastic package, like it was just bought. It reminded me of my sister (and it was apparently hers). So more searching, and I had found this.. huge block of ice, and I heard screaming and growls coming from it, as well as a horrible feeling from it. There was a hole in the side, and lo and behold, my sister was in it. A tearful reunion ensued, and when I showed her the packaged thing, she freaked and told me to NEVER open it. Fun. So I still had Amelia to find. I went back to the shop she was last seen, and there she was. Looking right at me. So I had gone up to her and practically screamed at her "Where the hell were you?! Where did you go?!". Stuff like that. She never answered me though.
I think I woke up at 5 this time. I dunno.
Thank you nightmares. I will forever now be afraid to look under my bed. >:I
In other news, I'm to hang with mt friend Haley today. After kidsitting though. I can't wait to move out.
regards,
aXn
[FIRST]
This one, if I remember correctly, was based off of the everymanHYBRID cast. Ok, so I was with Vinnie, Jeff and Evan, and we were in someones house. I don't know who it belonged to, but I remember it being dark. We did something in the main area of the house (something about stairs), but what was more important happened in a bedroom. Nothing X-rated. I was in a swivel chair at a desk, Vinnie was next to me on another chair, and Jeff was on the bed. Evan was MIA at this point. I think I might of had a video camara with me. So at this point, the room was semi dark, everything was in a kind of grey scale, and we heard something under the bed. Well, lo and behold, Evan was under there, but he was growling like some feral animal, and he crawled out from under the bed, and was twitching everywhere. He came out little more than halfway, grabbed Jeff's feet/ankles, and dragged him under the bed. He (jeff) was clawing at the ground while he was being pulled. Kinda looked like the cover of Quarantine. I think Vin went either MIA or was dragged down with Jeff, cause next thing I know, he's not there, and I see an arm/torso kinda sticking out from the bed, tangled in blankets (that are still one with the bed). I had already identified it as Evan (however that was possible), and I tried to pull him out via me pulling on his arm. He started twitching like before, and did the crawling thing to get out from under the bed. He got out all the way and kind of just idled for a few seconds, then looked at me, and his head started to "bobble". Hard to explain. But I had seen that his eyes and mouth had been, well, I don't really know what to call it, but it was like the skin was melted/welded together. So he pretty much had no eyes and no mouth anymore, just a vicious and creepy ass scar.
And I woke up. It was like.. 2:30 in the morning. Kind of creeped out partly because the image of Evan was still fresh in my mind, and partly because every time I wake from a nightmare, I think there's something in my room that shouldn't be there.
anyway. Onto the next one!
[LAST]
I was in Vegas with my friend Amelia. And since I used to live in Vegas, I offered to show Amelia around a little bit. I believe we were down at the Strip (or something equivalent to that), looking at all the shops (that, for some reason, replaced all the casinos). Amelia found a bakery like place, and wanted something. I turned around for not even a minute to look at something, and BAM, Amelia was gone. Just like that. And I promised to her dad that I'd make sure she was safe. Hard to do when you don't know where she is, in the middle of Vegas. VEGAS. SIN CITY! I was sure that I was going to get murdered viciously. So I went on a crazy look about for Amelia ALL OVER the place. I even left the Strip a few times to see if she left or not. I couldn't find her anywhere. Then, I hear my sister has gone missing. So I balance out looking for Amelia with looking for my sister (who is an adult already). At some point, I found this.. piece of jewelry or something in a plastic package, like it was just bought. It reminded me of my sister (and it was apparently hers). So more searching, and I had found this.. huge block of ice, and I heard screaming and growls coming from it, as well as a horrible feeling from it. There was a hole in the side, and lo and behold, my sister was in it. A tearful reunion ensued, and when I showed her the packaged thing, she freaked and told me to NEVER open it. Fun. So I still had Amelia to find. I went back to the shop she was last seen, and there she was. Looking right at me. So I had gone up to her and practically screamed at her "Where the hell were you?! Where did you go?!". Stuff like that. She never answered me though.
I think I woke up at 5 this time. I dunno.
Thank you nightmares. I will forever now be afraid to look under my bed. >:I
In other news, I'm to hang with mt friend Haley today. After kidsitting though. I can't wait to move out.
regards,
aXn
Friday, March 11, 2011
Ok. So, last night, I was in bed, trying to get to sleep. I was on my side, all warm, comfy, and wrapped up in my blanket. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, I hear this snap that kind of rung, like a small bell of something, which was accompanied by this rush of energy and a flash of white. An I heard someone or something say Either "Tyler"or "turn around". It sounded like the first, but after mulling over it it sounds like the second as well. That had freaked me out, and my bed didn't feel very comfortable/safe that much anymore. So I rolled over to my other side, and tried to get to sleep. Then I felt this depression under me, as if there was something stepping on my bed where I was laying at. Didn't last that long. And, to top it all off, at some point after I rolled over, I heard a male voice say something. I can't exactly remember what, but I think it was a subject pronoun. In laymans terms, he, she it, etc. And it was quite close to my ear. D:
I'm going to mark it off as late night delusions. To not get creeped out/scared of my room. Yeah. Let's just leave it as that.
So, when I was walking home, there was this very light mist that started to accumulate on the ground. I think it was about 3 feet high, and not very dense. It was pretty cool. Too bed I didn't take any pictures. My camera is pretty much dead, since I neglect to recharge the batteries. Yeah.
The silence was pretty awkward today. I don't think it was ever this awkward before. Maybe she is right. Maybe we are all separating. Well, she and I are still pretty close. But that's besides the point. And your gf. She saw us walking down the street. But why did she call out to me and not you? Aren't you guys together? I found that very odd. I still do. I also saw at lunch. You.. you didn't even talk to us, yet when gf came by, you immediately perked up. This is starting to become a recurring thing. You're all mellow and silent around us, but around gf, you're a totally different person. Is it right for me to feel like you've been using me? You've been like this for a long time. When I said I could act as a human journal, I didn't mean you could use me without care, then toss me away like an old, broken tool. I guess it is partly my fault, as well.
The more I think about it, the more I hate it. And the more I hate it, the more clouded my logic becomes. I don't want this to end on a sour note. I don't even want to end this friendship. But it's like we're never there for each other anymore. You never communicate with me, hardly answer my texts or calls. I get it. You don't want to talk to me. I get it. But I don't want this to be goodbye.
regards,
aXn
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I'm feeling a little twitchy
My cat is so strange. We (well, more like I was) were playing peekaboo. She was sitting, doing cat stuff, and I'd peek around the corner. She'd look at me with her big cat eyes, and do that tilt-thy-head thing cats do. Did that for a few minutes, then my dad came home, and she walked away. She's getting quite fat. Heheh, chubby kitty.
So I was walking home today, like every other day, but alone for like.. half the trip. Reason to that was my friend (person A) missed her bus, so I waited with her 'till she was picked up. We had to wait a little over a half hour, and the friend (person B) I walk with decided to walk her gf home (I'm telling you, she's pushing us - her friends- away, in favor of whoever she dates.), which shortly after person A's ride came. Then I got to walk home. I saw person B with gf. Damn do they walk slow. Of course gf realized I was behind them (albeit, quite a few yards away) and they waited for me and my merry self to catch up. They are SO SLOW. And of course, person A was all happy-go-lucky with gf (never that way with us). Felt like an unneeded extension. Walked the rest of the way alone when we separated (gf's house comes before mine). ANYWAY, the main point I wanted to bring up, was, well, when I was walking alone (and a little with the other two), I swear I heard footsteps, trying to mimic my pace. As if someone was following me. I heard it when I walked into my driveway. chink clink chink clink following me all the way home. At one point I looked behind me, but saw no one. I swear there was someone there though. :1 Whatever. I'll stop ranting about it now.
In other news, I had the worst headache ever. Started 3rd period, and lasted the rest of the day. It was so bad that I couldn't concentrate at points. Jeezum,
And when I got home, I couldn't seem to be able to take in enough water. I was chugging a crapton of water, and couldn't seem to get enough, like something was telling me I needed more, WAY more. fvrjbjvefvbdfhjb djhvbjfb djhbdj fdj djvd
I'm gunna go find something else to eat. I'm still crazy hungry even after waffles and cereal. 3333e3e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e33e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e3e3e333e3e33e33e3e33e3
regards,
aXn
So I was walking home today, like every other day, but alone for like.. half the trip. Reason to that was my friend (person A) missed her bus, so I waited with her 'till she was picked up. We had to wait a little over a half hour, and the friend (person B) I walk with decided to walk her gf home (I'm telling you, she's pushing us - her friends- away, in favor of whoever she dates.), which shortly after person A's ride came. Then I got to walk home. I saw person B with gf. Damn do they walk slow. Of course gf realized I was behind them (albeit, quite a few yards away) and they waited for me and my merry self to catch up. They are SO SLOW. And of course, person A was all happy-go-lucky with gf (never that way with us). Felt like an unneeded extension. Walked the rest of the way alone when we separated (gf's house comes before mine). ANYWAY, the main point I wanted to bring up, was, well, when I was walking alone (and a little with the other two), I swear I heard footsteps, trying to mimic my pace. As if someone was following me. I heard it when I walked into my driveway. chink clink chink clink following me all the way home. At one point I looked behind me, but saw no one. I swear there was someone there though. :1 Whatever. I'll stop ranting about it now.
In other news, I had the worst headache ever. Started 3rd period, and lasted the rest of the day. It was so bad that I couldn't concentrate at points. Jeezum,
And when I got home, I couldn't seem to be able to take in enough water. I was chugging a crapton of water, and couldn't seem to get enough, like something was telling me I needed more, WAY more. fvrjbjvefvbdfhjb djhvbjfb djhbdj fdj djvd
I'm gunna go find something else to eat. I'm still crazy hungry even after waffles and cereal. 3333e3e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e33e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e3e3e333e3e33e33e3e33e3
regards,
aXn
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
OH JEEZ WHY ARE YOU STUCK IN MY HEAD?
>.>
Seriously. But I don't know. I've grown quite attached to this song.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Zilch on the attention span here
Good day today I suppose. Got to play with acid in Chem today. We were identifying substances as Metals, Nonmetals, or Metalloids. Got to use CuCl2 as well as hydrochloric acid to test the chemical reactivity in the materials. Twas fun :P
Been reading House of Leaves as of late. Was reading it a little today in my opens. Is it me, or is it a little hard to read? I mean, I can read, it's just that it takes me forever to finish a page. Maybe it's because of all those freaking footnotes that's there. I know I don't necessarily have to read all them, but I do. FFF. I'm intrigued by this book. I don't really know why.
I don't really have much to say today. Which is weird, considering. I guess, due to lack of material, I'll keep writing in thios post as the night progresses.
I have a few strange dreams over the past few days. You could say.
First one, is one of those wacky "OMG first day of school lulz" kind of dreams that I find are common during the few nights before school starts up. Only this time I'm going with my sister. I remember waiting for her and Grandma to get ready and bring us there. Then the actual school was a giant person, and we the students were like individual cells. There was this slide to get in the school, which did crazy twists and turns. I think I got stuck behind a trio of people. Then I remember trying to escape or something, but ended up going down through the vocal chords. WEIRD.
(I'll put the other ones on here later when I have more time)
------
So Family went out for dinner. Just came back. Went to Margaritas. Love that place. I kept eating the salsa that came with the chips they give you. Twas spicy, but I don't care :D
I had some enchiladas. My dad compared me to a wild animal because I ate the "insides and left the rest of the carcass alone". XD Was fun. Played with the Wikki Stix. I make the most random things. One time I made a margarita (with the lime and all) and a vase with a flower. This time I made a lolipop tree. I wanted to make a tree at first, but it failed, so I started making a lollipop, then it kind of progressed into a tree XD Next time, though, I'm making a bar with stools, drinks, bartender, and a drunk guy. Granted they let me have multiple packs of the W-sticks. They usually do. They know us well enough lol
I realized I like reading long posts (and writing them too). Prolly cause I like to see how people think/thought process/ how peeps do stuff. It's like I like to try and pick apart the inner thought processes and see what makes people tick. Prolly cause I wanna be a psychologist. idk what kind, but I want to have that knowledge. how people do things, how they work, fascinates me. It's a little creepy, but it's cool :P
I gotta finish up my math and Spanish Homework :/ At least both are relatively short assignments.
The memories pass by without any notice. What once was is now forgotten. Forever maybe. Or maybe just stored away deep within the refines of the mind.
Been reading House of Leaves as of late. Was reading it a little today in my opens. Is it me, or is it a little hard to read? I mean, I can read, it's just that it takes me forever to finish a page. Maybe it's because of all those freaking footnotes that's there. I know I don't necessarily have to read all them, but I do. FFF. I'm intrigued by this book. I don't really know why.
I don't really have much to say today. Which is weird, considering. I guess, due to lack of material, I'll keep writing in thios post as the night progresses.
I have a few strange dreams over the past few days. You could say.
First one, is one of those wacky "OMG first day of school lulz" kind of dreams that I find are common during the few nights before school starts up. Only this time I'm going with my sister. I remember waiting for her and Grandma to get ready and bring us there. Then the actual school was a giant person, and we the students were like individual cells. There was this slide to get in the school, which did crazy twists and turns. I think I got stuck behind a trio of people. Then I remember trying to escape or something, but ended up going down through the vocal chords. WEIRD.
(I'll put the other ones on here later when I have more time)
------
So Family went out for dinner. Just came back. Went to Margaritas. Love that place. I kept eating the salsa that came with the chips they give you. Twas spicy, but I don't care :D
I had some enchiladas. My dad compared me to a wild animal because I ate the "insides and left the rest of the carcass alone". XD Was fun. Played with the Wikki Stix. I make the most random things. One time I made a margarita (with the lime and all) and a vase with a flower. This time I made a lolipop tree. I wanted to make a tree at first, but it failed, so I started making a lollipop, then it kind of progressed into a tree XD Next time, though, I'm making a bar with stools, drinks, bartender, and a drunk guy. Granted they let me have multiple packs of the W-sticks. They usually do. They know us well enough lol
I realized I like reading long posts (and writing them too). Prolly cause I like to see how people think/thought process/ how peeps do stuff. It's like I like to try and pick apart the inner thought processes and see what makes people tick. Prolly cause I wanna be a psychologist. idk what kind, but I want to have that knowledge. how people do things, how they work, fascinates me. It's a little creepy, but it's cool :P
I gotta finish up my math and Spanish Homework :/ At least both are relatively short assignments.
The memories pass by without any notice. What once was is now forgotten. Forever maybe. Or maybe just stored away deep within the refines of the mind.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
-insert huge sigh here-
I don't really how to word this, but.. I guess you can say I had the weirdest morning. But I can't really remember what happened clearly. So my little sister likes to wake up at the asscrack of dawn. So she woke me up (not on purpose) around.. 5:45 if I remember correctly. That's fine, as I usually go back to sleep, but I just didn't. Partly because she was being obnoxious and being loud. Usually that doesn't bother me. I've grown immune (to some degree) to a three year old's antics. But I stayed up, in this very.. lucid state. I didn't know if I was awake or not. My mind was all over the place. Mind you, I don't even know if my eyes were open or not.
gunna cut out some details here because they're so stupid and kind of personal
So during my.. "state" of being awake but not(makes no sense), I.. well, I wouldn't really quite call hearing, more like I knew that there was this... ringing, and it made my "vision" (didn't know if my eyes were actually open or not) do funky things. It's hard to explain, but there was a big horizontal grey bar at the bottom of my sight with a small gap at the top (I'll put in a MS pic), but kind of stayed more towards the left. Like a distortion. And I felt this.. energy. It was weird. It was like.. hard to describe, but it's like drinking 10+ Monsters at the same time, but not getting the hyped up hyper feeling. Felt it twice.
Then, I kept dreaming (Wouldn't call it that per say) that I got up and told my stepmom that the little child was being noisy. Then I would dream that I would open my eyes, come to find out my eyes are actually closed, and it's really hard to open them. Then to top it all off, I had rolled onto my side at some point, and I couldn't breathe. It was like... being suffocated from the inside. Couldn't breathe from my nose so I opened my mouth, come to find out I was choking and couldn't take in any air. I.. I HATE the feeling of not being able to breathe. I guess it's just one of those primal fears. I don't know if any of it really actually happened, the "dreams"were so vivid and felt/seemed so real that I still don't really understand.
Not to mention, my room was super warm when I woke up. AGAIN. Even though it's cold outside. I don't know.
I guess for some good news, I cleaned my "ground zero" of a room and closet. I can actually see the whole floor now. Took me all afternoon and night to do it (because I'm a severe procrastinator).
God. I feel so down. All fucking day I've felt horrid. I really don't know what it is.
If I'm sick, I've been sick for weeks then. At times I feel like my skin is so hot to the touch, but it's all normal temperature. Then I get these fucking headaches that wont go away, even if I do take medicine or go crawl under the blankets/pillows. I don't have that bothersome cough anymore, but it does pop up sometimes. And I can't stomach food all that well.
If I'm becoming depressed again, well fuck.
Nothing really exciting to mention.
there's someone or something that's always there and i don't know what it is. is it malevolent? or is it not? does it just simply observe? does it want something?
so many questions, so little answers.
regards,
aXn
So during my.. "state" of being awake but not(makes no sense), I.. well, I wouldn't really quite call hearing, more like I knew that there was this... ringing, and it made my "vision" (didn't know if my eyes were actually open or not) do funky things. It's hard to explain, but there was a big horizontal grey bar at the bottom of my sight with a small gap at the top (I'll put in a MS pic), but kind of stayed more towards the left. Like a distortion. And I felt this.. energy. It was weird. It was like.. hard to describe, but it's like drinking 10+ Monsters at the same time, but not getting the hyped up hyper feeling. Felt it twice.
Then, I kept dreaming (Wouldn't call it that per say) that I got up and told my stepmom that the little child was being noisy. Then I would dream that I would open my eyes, come to find out my eyes are actually closed, and it's really hard to open them. Then to top it all off, I had rolled onto my side at some point, and I couldn't breathe. It was like... being suffocated from the inside. Couldn't breathe from my nose so I opened my mouth, come to find out I was choking and couldn't take in any air. I.. I HATE the feeling of not being able to breathe. I guess it's just one of those primal fears. I don't know if any of it really actually happened, the "dreams"were so vivid and felt/seemed so real that I still don't really understand.
Not to mention, my room was super warm when I woke up. AGAIN. Even though it's cold outside. I don't know.
I guess for some good news, I cleaned my "ground zero" of a room and closet. I can actually see the whole floor now. Took me all afternoon and night to do it (because I'm a severe procrastinator).
God. I feel so down. All fucking day I've felt horrid. I really don't know what it is.
If I'm sick, I've been sick for weeks then. At times I feel like my skin is so hot to the touch, but it's all normal temperature. Then I get these fucking headaches that wont go away, even if I do take medicine or go crawl under the blankets/pillows. I don't have that bothersome cough anymore, but it does pop up sometimes. And I can't stomach food all that well.
If I'm becoming depressed again, well fuck.
Nothing really exciting to mention.
there's someone or something that's always there and i don't know what it is. is it malevolent? or is it not? does it just simply observe? does it want something?
so many questions, so little answers.
regards,
aXn
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Alright. Let's get down to business.
So, yesterday, I hung out with my friend John. At first, I didn't want to go. Usually it's how I respond, but I just needed to get out of the house. It was starting to get claustrophobic, and there was something that was setting off my nerves. Glad I went, though. Twas fun. Here's a weird thing that happened: When I was walking to where we were going to meet up, it was nice, warm, sunny, totally not wintery weather. The moment we met up, I kid you not, the temperature dropped at least 5 degrees, and got windy. John agrees with this. He said (when we were up by Borders and Gamestop) when he was walking ('scuse me, running) it was warm and stuff, then got cold :X Hot damn. ANYWAY. We first walked up to Gamestop. John wanted to preorder Pokémanz Black version (idk. I'm not into that, so i dunno). The cashier was so funny.
It went like this:
J: "Yeah, um, I'd like to preorder Pokémon Black."
C: "Are you sure you don't want to preorder.."
She turns around and grabs a case
C: "Pokémon Whack?"
It was the Black and White case covering thing.. cut in half and stuck to gather so both black and white versions were shown, and it said Whack ("wh" from white, "" ack" from black). We lol'd. hard. XD
Then, it started snowing.
After, we went to Borders. John got some Deathnote book thing.. (How to Read, I think it was called), which I had to help pay for. He was 5$ short. And being the nice friend I am, I helped him out. I got House of Leaves and some graphology book. HoF mainly since everyone is talking about it (in slender related places) and that I like horror. I read a few pages, but it was late at night, so I was too tired to focus (that, and MH entry 36 came out last night. Oh Jay, you amuse me so. ). Plus, I had started reading the graphology book. It's been something that I've been wanting to look into since I read a book my sister lent me. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called. I'll have to ask her when she comes out in a few weeks.
I feel bad for my sister. She shouldn't have to go through all that bullshit.
After Borders (and two police cars pulled up next to us when we were walking in the parking lot DX ) we went to Staples, where I got these cool sticky note/memo pads that go in a spiral. Then we went back downtown and went to CVS and Joann's (an arts and crafts store). There, I got some rubber cement and chenill stems (laymans terms: pipe cleaners). Quite awesome. And me being me, I brought my camara, which was a good thing. Got some kickass pics. Beware yourself for a clusterfuck of photos :p
MMM. yes. So, yesterday, I decided to update my FB profile pic. Cuz I haven't changed it in god knows how long. So, wanting to be different from everyone else doing a "oh hai look at me I perdy", I went a little.. creative. Kind of hard to see.
One of my friends said it's creepy. I kinda agree xD
The other day (and up to this point to), I kept seeing something move behind me, from the reflection off my laptop screen. But the thing is, where I keep seeing movement, is where my closet door is and where my shelf thing is :/ WAT. And I keep seeing things in my peripherals. Something dark and moving. It might be because I'm still sickish, or maybe from a lack of sleep or something, but it's starting to freak me out. Just a little. Like right now, I saw something. And to make matters worse, the tacks on my walls look like they're squirming around like big black maggots. But they aren't. Nor do I have any black tacks. Fucking eyes. I hate you so.
Then, the other night, when I know for certain my parental units are in their room, I went to use the bathroom. Either the kitchen or dining room light was on, cause it wasn't pitch black, and I saw some white pale thing in my freaking bathroom door way, stock still, by the light switch. I nearly shat myself. It ended up being my stepmom, who thought I was my little sister getting out of bed. BUT STILL. I nearly had a fucking HEART ATTACK D': Goddamn.
Lately I've been sleeping with my hat on. I really don't know why. The other night, it was like something told me to put it on :p Then I really wanted to go outside and go for a walk or something like that. Regardless that it was midnight, and that I really needed to get to sleep. I guess that could tie in with me feeling very childish as of late. WEIRD.
..I keep feeling as if I'm forgetting something. Just watch. I'll post this, and I'll go "D'oh! I knew I forgot something!" then proceed to either edit this post or open up notepad and write down what I forgot :1 Yep.
regards,
aXn
So, yesterday, I hung out with my friend John. At first, I didn't want to go. Usually it's how I respond, but I just needed to get out of the house. It was starting to get claustrophobic, and there was something that was setting off my nerves. Glad I went, though. Twas fun. Here's a weird thing that happened: When I was walking to where we were going to meet up, it was nice, warm, sunny, totally not wintery weather. The moment we met up, I kid you not, the temperature dropped at least 5 degrees, and got windy. John agrees with this. He said (when we were up by Borders and Gamestop) when he was walking ('scuse me, running) it was warm and stuff, then got cold :X Hot damn. ANYWAY. We first walked up to Gamestop. John wanted to preorder Pokémanz Black version (idk. I'm not into that, so i dunno). The cashier was so funny.
It went like this:
J: "Yeah, um, I'd like to preorder Pokémon Black."
C: "Are you sure you don't want to preorder.."
She turns around and grabs a case
C: "Pokémon Whack?"
It was the Black and White case covering thing.. cut in half and stuck to gather so both black and white versions were shown, and it said Whack ("wh" from white, "" ack" from black). We lol'd. hard. XD
Then, it started snowing.
After, we went to Borders. John got some Deathnote book thing.. (How to Read, I think it was called), which I had to help pay for. He was 5$ short. And being the nice friend I am, I helped him out. I got House of Leaves and some graphology book. HoF mainly since everyone is talking about it (in slender related places) and that I like horror. I read a few pages, but it was late at night, so I was too tired to focus (that, and MH entry 36 came out last night. Oh Jay, you amuse me so. ). Plus, I had started reading the graphology book. It's been something that I've been wanting to look into since I read a book my sister lent me. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called. I'll have to ask her when she comes out in a few weeks.
I feel bad for my sister. She shouldn't have to go through all that bullshit.
After Borders (and two police cars pulled up next to us when we were walking in the parking lot DX ) we went to Staples, where I got these cool sticky note/memo pads that go in a spiral. Then we went back downtown and went to CVS and Joann's (an arts and crafts store). There, I got some rubber cement and chenill stems (laymans terms: pipe cleaners). Quite awesome. And me being me, I brought my camara, which was a good thing. Got some kickass pics. Beware yourself for a clusterfuck of photos :p
Parking lot over by Borders.
First outside-my-room Panoramic picture. I like this one.
John told me "Quick! Take a picture of the sky before the clouds come back!"
This is also near where the police cars stopped by us.
Shot of this "alley" thing next to this old parking garage that recently reopened.
I hate going on it.
Panoramic of part of the garage and part of the local museum.
This one's pretty cool.
In Eagle Square by the Fountain. I'll have to take some pictures of it when the snow melts and they turn it back on. It's my favorite place to chill when there isn't a shit ton of snow.
Clock tower.. thing. Outside Eagle Square and across the street form the Capitol Building.
These two are part of the gate thing that leads to Eagle Square. It's actually in shape of a tree.
someday I'll get a shot from the front. It has a little gnome on it xD
These two shot near the church that's not too far from my house. The sun was setting. Couldn't miss up this chance like I did when I was still downtown.
MMM. yes. So, yesterday, I decided to update my FB profile pic. Cuz I haven't changed it in god knows how long. So, wanting to be different from everyone else doing a "oh hai look at me I perdy", I went a little.. creative. Kind of hard to see.
The other day (and up to this point to), I kept seeing something move behind me, from the reflection off my laptop screen. But the thing is, where I keep seeing movement, is where my closet door is and where my shelf thing is :/ WAT. And I keep seeing things in my peripherals. Something dark and moving. It might be because I'm still sickish, or maybe from a lack of sleep or something, but it's starting to freak me out. Just a little. Like right now, I saw something. And to make matters worse, the tacks on my walls look like they're squirming around like big black maggots. But they aren't. Nor do I have any black tacks. Fucking eyes. I hate you so.
Then, the other night, when I know for certain my parental units are in their room, I went to use the bathroom. Either the kitchen or dining room light was on, cause it wasn't pitch black, and I saw some white pale thing in my freaking bathroom door way, stock still, by the light switch. I nearly shat myself. It ended up being my stepmom, who thought I was my little sister getting out of bed. BUT STILL. I nearly had a fucking HEART ATTACK D': Goddamn.
Lately I've been sleeping with my hat on. I really don't know why. The other night, it was like something told me to put it on :p Then I really wanted to go outside and go for a walk or something like that. Regardless that it was midnight, and that I really needed to get to sleep. I guess that could tie in with me feeling very childish as of late. WEIRD.
..I keep feeling as if I'm forgetting something. Just watch. I'll post this, and I'll go "D'oh! I knew I forgot something!" then proceed to either edit this post or open up notepad and write down what I forgot :1 Yep.
regards,
aXn
Monday, February 28, 2011
Homemade Cryptic Bullshit With a side order of Mango flavored Dreams
God, it's good to have internet again. I just I hope I don't jinx it :P I guess this calls for story time, then. Ok, Friday, there was this huge snow/freezing rain storm, and I think at about.. 11:35 the internet froze, then cut out completely. So all weekend long, no internet. There were many other wireless signals I could've jumped on, but they were encrypted/password protected. And seeing as my "hacking skills" are at a very bare minimum.. well, let's just say my weekend was boring. Then today, whilst being bored and all that jazz, a "Free Public WiFi" popped up at 11:35. The fuck. The same time as on Friday. So I try and scope this thing out, and it ended up being ad hoc. Great. Not very helpful for me. So yeah. then, at around.. 16:55 the access point I use came back. I was jumping with joy. Most literally. But you want to know what the weird thing is? All last night (trying to get to sleep, naturally) and this morning, my gut kept telling me something was going to happen around 11:30, and at 16:00 something important was going to happen. And that by the end of the day I would have my internetz back. Oh god, I love you so much gut. I can't even recall a time you were wrong :'D
But with good news comes strange news. My dreams for last night. Three of them. And guess what? More waking up at ridiculous hours. Can't get to sleep till 24:00, then waking up at 5 or 6. WTH. HHRRMMM.
Here:
[FIRST]
I’m with my mom, in her house, I think. This one’s a little blurry, but the power went out, so it was near pitch black. Even our cellphones wouldn’t light up, but they weren’t broken. I went to get my flashlight (which is rather bright) from my room (IDK how that’s possible, seeing as I don’t live with my mom) and I swear I saw something in there. I grabbed my flashlight, and got out of there. Don’t remember what happened after.
[SECOND]
Was in Russia with grandparents and Flea. We were going around in a car/van thing, and grandparents wanted to go to a concert/mall place. We get on the parking lot and park near where some teens are hanging out. I know one from internetz, and I go out to greet her. We hug and talk (apparently, I knew some Russian) and all that jazz, and then I had to go back to grandparents. So I get back and get in the front seat of the car (where my grandma was sitting, I was originally in the back passenger) and grandma is not there. Then my grandpa says something and starts laughing, and it turns out grandma is in my seat, but I’m too scared to look in the rearview mirror. We drive out (for some reason) and get stuck at a closed gate, and all of the sudden it’s dark outside, Flea’s dead, and my grandma has fucking claws. She’s trying to disembowel me from behind, and a police car comes and opens the gate. I run out of the car, grandma jumps out and pounces on me, and then we’re all arrested. A loop (where I redream a part): I ran out of the car, there were no police, and I bolt to the right where there’s a gap in the fence, and find a tree. I can see a police tow truck speeding down and swerve into the field below and hit something that growled (sounded like Mr. Flappyjaw from Amnesia) and I started thinking about Amnesia: The Dark Descent.
But with good news comes strange news. My dreams for last night. Three of them. And guess what? More waking up at ridiculous hours. Can't get to sleep till 24:00, then waking up at 5 or 6. WTH. HHRRMMM.
Here:
[FIRST]
I’m with my mom, in her house, I think. This one’s a little blurry, but the power went out, so it was near pitch black. Even our cellphones wouldn’t light up, but they weren’t broken. I went to get my flashlight (which is rather bright) from my room (IDK how that’s possible, seeing as I don’t live with my mom) and I swear I saw something in there. I grabbed my flashlight, and got out of there. Don’t remember what happened after.
[SECOND]
Was in Russia with grandparents and Flea. We were going around in a car/van thing, and grandparents wanted to go to a concert/mall place. We get on the parking lot and park near where some teens are hanging out. I know one from internetz, and I go out to greet her. We hug and talk (apparently, I knew some Russian) and all that jazz, and then I had to go back to grandparents. So I get back and get in the front seat of the car (where my grandma was sitting, I was originally in the back passenger) and grandma is not there. Then my grandpa says something and starts laughing, and it turns out grandma is in my seat, but I’m too scared to look in the rearview mirror. We drive out (for some reason) and get stuck at a closed gate, and all of the sudden it’s dark outside, Flea’s dead, and my grandma has fucking claws. She’s trying to disembowel me from behind, and a police car comes and opens the gate. I run out of the car, grandma jumps out and pounces on me, and then we’re all arrested. A loop (where I redream a part): I ran out of the car, there were no police, and I bolt to the right where there’s a gap in the fence, and find a tree. I can see a police tow truck speeding down and swerve into the field below and hit something that growled (sounded like Mr. Flappyjaw from Amnesia) and I started thinking about Amnesia: The Dark Descent.
[LAST]
I was running from Hunters (HL2 ep2) and some other things, in the parking lot of the Russian mall/concert place from the other dream, but it was in ruins. I ran into Superwoman? I dunno, it was some superhero lady. Anyway. She caught me and demanded I allow myself to be arrested for killing Catwoman? I then told her what happened: We were in a cargo plane, and there were these people in dark robes or something, and catwoman was there, and they were trying to shove a peeled mango down my pants. I think it was to start the ritual of sacrificing me to Mr. Tall and Faceless. I don’t know. Then they shoved my out the plane and I went into freefall and landed in the lot. Superwoman realized I didn’t kill Catwoman, and so she ran off, and I was left to fend for myself against the Hunters. I had the Spy’s Cloaking device (TF2) and I climbed all the way to the top of this structure that had an elevator shaft, but no elevator.
Thank you, dreams. I will forever be scarred for life :1 Please, no mangos down my pants. It was uncomfortable enough in my dream.
So I made a pointless video due to my complete and utter boredum :1 Damn Movie maker kept freezing over when I was trying to export it. I really need a better video editing software. Plus, GIMP was being a gimp when I was making the gifs :P HUURR cryptic bullshit is the best bullshit there is.
Was in garage earlier, emptying recycling. The word “construct” popped in my head, and the ‘feeling’ of here accompanied it. Whut. Weird. All boredom and no internet makes me a dull teenager. WTH. I've been practically obsessed with the word "internet" for the past few days. WHUT.
Have I ever said how much I hate the wind? I don't mind if it's a light breeze, but hot damn, with the way it's going, I fear for my windows. This is an ancient house after all. Whatever. It's been over 32F for the past few days, along with it being rainy. Which is totally awesome. Can't wait for spring, that's when the rain comes. Have I ever told you how much I love the rain? I love it, a lot. I find it funny how people freak when they get a little wet.
regards,
aXn
Have I ever said how much I hate the wind? I don't mind if it's a light breeze, but hot damn, with the way it's going, I fear for my windows. This is an ancient house after all. Whatever. It's been over 32F for the past few days, along with it being rainy. Which is totally awesome. Can't wait for spring, that's when the rain comes. Have I ever told you how much I love the rain? I love it, a lot. I find it funny how people freak when they get a little wet.
regards,
aXn
Friday, February 25, 2011
...
I don't think I slept at all last night. And if I did, I sure as hell I don't feel like it. To some extent, I admit, I did sleep a little, but it took forever to get to sleep. Hours upon hours tossing and turning. And when I did finally get to sleep, I kept waking up. I kept getting up, looking out the window for something (I think it was for snow? Snow day today), then I'd either go back to bed, or.. I can't really remember what I was doing before I went back to bed. It's like a big blank spot in my memory (then again, I always do have a hard time remembering things that happen when I wake at godaweful early times in the mornings).
The window is right next to my bed, so all I have to do is turn on my side or my stomach and reach a little to move the blinds out of the way. But During the duration of my "waking-ups" I physically got up. And I don't really know why. So that adds to the "WTF" factor. :I I am not amused. And to make things even better, I keep dreaming of hospital like places. I know that when I was younger, I spent a lot of time in hospitals because I was sick so often (which is the reason why I absolutely abhor hospitals), but I don't see.. Wait. Now that I look at it (ahem, think/remember) about it, the hospital hallway from my recent dreams is rather similar to that of the dream I had on May 31st, 2010 (you'll have to do a little scrolling to find it. Sorry :/ ), when I was walking down that hallway after Alex went MIA and the elevator went bye-bye :B
Last night, my dad took notice of me not being well. I was in the kitchen, "looking" for something to eat (we were fending last night) and I guess I got stuck in a staring spell with the window across the kitchen, so I was kinda just.. standing there, unblinking and unmoving. And then my dad walks in to get more pasta or whatever he was eating, and he asked me if I was alright. I was kind of out of it at the moment, so I just nodded. He asked if I was sure, cause, according to him, I didn't look all too well.
I guess I am a little pale, and with the massive bags under my eyes, I guess it's a bit hard to miss. I certainly don't feel very well today. I'm finding it getting harder to eat everyday. Even if I am hungry (and my stomach demands food), I still find it hard to swallow. Or even chew, for that matter. It's kinda like when you just ate waaayyy too much, then mere sight of food makes you feel like shit. Except that's me, only on an empty stomach. DX
God, I feel so alone. Even though I have awesome friends, I feel like.. well, I'm just a fifth wheel. Especially when my friends and I are all together. I feel like I'm being excluded, and I just hang there. And just be, and nothing more. And even one on one with someone, all they talk about is themselves. Mostly, it's either that or their girl/boyfriend. It disgusts me, how obsessed people are. It makes me wonder about two things: one, Why didn't I grow up to be like nearly everyone else? Always been the loner, the outcast, I have. And two, are we, as a race, really worth saving? I mean, I look around, and all I see.. it hurts to even look outside, even. It's hard to describe how I feel, really. It's like I have a voice for no reason, and that most of what I believe in will get shot down immediately because I don't agree with most of the things people believe in today. I should tone down on my opinions. I shouldn't be pouring my heart out to the internet like this, but it's not as if someone's actually reading this, right? Right. Only me, myself, and I.
God, I want to punch my self so bad. I'm so fucking annoying.
Starting tomorrow, it'll be two weeks I made this blog, two weeks of no one coming and saying "OMG FU this blog is so dumb ur so frikkin dumb 4 maken this piece of filth shit u shud go dye in a curner cuz ur so stuped". I'm surprised, actually. But whatever. Happy almost Two Week anniversary! ....No. :/
Have I ever told you how against celebrations I am? Or how I can hardly stay on one subject for a period of time *coughthisblogcough* ? Yeah. Imma go now :B
regards,
aXn
I don't think I slept at all last night. And if I did, I sure as hell I don't feel like it. To some extent, I admit, I did sleep a little, but it took forever to get to sleep. Hours upon hours tossing and turning. And when I did finally get to sleep, I kept waking up. I kept getting up, looking out the window for something (I think it was for snow? Snow day today), then I'd either go back to bed, or.. I can't really remember what I was doing before I went back to bed. It's like a big blank spot in my memory (then again, I always do have a hard time remembering things that happen when I wake at godaweful early times in the mornings).
The window is right next to my bed, so all I have to do is turn on my side or my stomach and reach a little to move the blinds out of the way. But During the duration of my "waking-ups" I physically got up. And I don't really know why. So that adds to the "WTF" factor. :I I am not amused. And to make things even better, I keep dreaming of hospital like places. I know that when I was younger, I spent a lot of time in hospitals because I was sick so often (which is the reason why I absolutely abhor hospitals), but I don't see.. Wait. Now that I look at it (ahem, think/remember) about it, the hospital hallway from my recent dreams is rather similar to that of the dream I had on May 31st, 2010 (you'll have to do a little scrolling to find it. Sorry :/ ), when I was walking down that hallway after Alex went MIA and the elevator went bye-bye :B
Last night, my dad took notice of me not being well. I was in the kitchen, "looking" for something to eat (we were fending last night) and I guess I got stuck in a staring spell with the window across the kitchen, so I was kinda just.. standing there, unblinking and unmoving. And then my dad walks in to get more pasta or whatever he was eating, and he asked me if I was alright. I was kind of out of it at the moment, so I just nodded. He asked if I was sure, cause, according to him, I didn't look all too well.
I guess I am a little pale, and with the massive bags under my eyes, I guess it's a bit hard to miss. I certainly don't feel very well today. I'm finding it getting harder to eat everyday. Even if I am hungry (and my stomach demands food), I still find it hard to swallow. Or even chew, for that matter. It's kinda like when you just ate waaayyy too much, then mere sight of food makes you feel like shit. Except that's me, only on an empty stomach. DX
God, I feel so alone. Even though I have awesome friends, I feel like.. well, I'm just a fifth wheel. Especially when my friends and I are all together. I feel like I'm being excluded, and I just hang there. And just be, and nothing more. And even one on one with someone, all they talk about is themselves. Mostly, it's either that or their girl/boyfriend. It disgusts me, how obsessed people are. It makes me wonder about two things: one, Why didn't I grow up to be like nearly everyone else? Always been the loner, the outcast, I have. And two, are we, as a race, really worth saving? I mean, I look around, and all I see.. it hurts to even look outside, even. It's hard to describe how I feel, really. It's like I have a voice for no reason, and that most of what I believe in will get shot down immediately because I don't agree with most of the things people believe in today. I should tone down on my opinions. I shouldn't be pouring my heart out to the internet like this, but it's not as if someone's actually reading this, right? Right. Only me, myself, and I.
God, I want to punch my self so bad. I'm so fucking annoying.
Starting tomorrow, it'll be two weeks I made this blog, two weeks of no one coming and saying "OMG FU this blog is so dumb ur so frikkin dumb 4 maken this piece of filth shit u shud go dye in a curner cuz ur so stuped". I'm surprised, actually. But whatever. Happy almost Two Week anniversary! ....No. :/
Have I ever told you how against celebrations I am? Or how I can hardly stay on one subject for a period of time *coughthisblogcough* ? Yeah. Imma go now :B
regards,
aXn
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