I feel like shit, and I'm tired as hell. Like all my energy has been sapped out of my body. At least my eyes aren't hurting anymore. But I keep coughing. Like the other day I just could not stop coughing. Especially in proximity with Kellie. Which is strange. I really hope I'm not coming down with something. I hate being sick. 

Ignore the below if you wish not to deal with the venting of emotions and teenager shit :P 

You're always so distant from us. Why?! Always talking about running away, killing yourself. We try to help you, you just disregard our help and keep whining and BITCHING ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING. But yet, as I saw today, when you were with HER you were an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON. Outgoing. HAPPY. Striking up a conversation that didn't have to do with your petty drama you love to shove down my THROAT every SINGLE DAY. Why? Are WE not GOOD ENOUGH for you?! I try and I try and I endure all this, but EVERYONE has a breaking point! Even those who seem so strong! Why do you see me as this person who won't break? I have things I really want to get off my chest, but I can't TRUST you anymore to tell you! She was right. You're abandoning us. AGAIN. Of course, I'm too cowardly to say this to your face, but sometimes I just want to SMASH YOUR FACE INTO A FUCKING WALL. And leave you there. Always groveling, clinging to my arm, crying in my shoulder, about how HORRIBLE you are at romance. We try comforting you, but you just PUSH US AWAY and continue your decent into depression and this sad, pathetic state that you're in. BUT IF YOU JUST CONTROLLED YOURSELF FOR ONCE, we wouldn't have to deal with this crap ALL THE TIME. I know right now I'm coming off as an asshole. I know. When I read this, I want to punch myself in the face. But this is what I see. If you can't handle the truth and accept that you're in reality.. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. All I know, is that I feel betrayed, more than anything.

Ok, I'm done :P

In happier news, I learned some kicks in Defense today. Though pretty much everyone failed the skill check xD I also learned that it's hard to take quizzes in the morning classes while half awake. Though I think I made my math teacher real happy. We had a quiz today (factoring polynomials and finding all real solutions and finding zeros and whatnot). I tried very hard to fill everything in, cause I'll tell you right now, when it was handed out, I died a little on the inside. Sum and diff of cubes is NOT my forte. At least the synthetic division part was pretty easy. I like that better than substitution. ANYWAY. Off topic. When I handed mine in, I saw the quiz before mine was half blank (and this was from a guy who sits in my row and is really smart), and my teacher kinda whispered to me "Glad to know someone studied". She's such a riot. My favorite math teacher. She explains thins so well. :D

Whenever I turn the light off, my room gets so quite. The dark adds to it. But when I turn it back on, it isn't as.. silent. I don't know how to explain it. 

called for food, scared the crap outta me. jumpy today

regards,

aXn