Monday, February 28, 2011

Homemade Cryptic Bullshit With a side order of Mango flavored Dreams

God, it's good to have internet again. I just I hope I don't jinx it :P I guess this calls for story time, then. Ok, Friday, there was this huge snow/freezing rain storm, and I think at about.. 11:35 the internet froze, then cut out completely. So all weekend long, no internet. There were many other wireless signals I could've jumped on, but they were encrypted/password protected. And seeing as my "hacking skills" are at a very bare minimum.. well, let's just say my weekend was boring. Then today, whilst being bored and all that jazz, a "Free Public WiFi" popped up at 11:35. The fuck. The same time as on Friday. So I try and scope this thing out, and it ended up being ad hoc. Great. Not very helpful for me. So yeah. then, at around.. 16:55 the access point I use came back.  I was jumping with joy. Most literally. But you want to know what the weird thing is? All last night (trying to get to sleep, naturally) and this morning, my gut kept telling me something was going to happen around 11:30, and at 16:00 something important was going to happen. And that by the end of the day I would have my internetz back. Oh god, I love you so much gut. I can't even recall a time you were wrong :'D

But with good news comes strange news. My dreams for last night. Three of them. And guess what? More waking up at ridiculous hours. Can't get to sleep till 24:00, then waking up at 5 or 6. WTH. HHRRMMM.

Here:

[FIRST]
I’m with my mom, in her house, I think. This one’s a little blurry, but the power went out, so it was near pitch black. Even our cellphones wouldn’t light up, but they weren’t broken. I went to get my flashlight (which is rather bright) from my room (IDK how that’s possible, seeing as I don’t live with my mom) and I swear I saw something in there. I grabbed my flashlight, and got out of there. Don’t remember what happened after.


[SECOND]

Was in Russia with grandparents and Flea. We were going around in a car/van thing, and grandparents wanted to go to a concert/mall place. We get on the parking lot and park near where some teens are hanging out. I know one from internetz, and I go out to greet her. We hug and talk (apparently, I knew some Russian) and all that jazz, and then I had to go back to grandparents. So I get back and get in the front seat of the car (where my grandma was sitting, I was originally in the back passenger) and grandma is not there. Then my grandpa says something and starts laughing, and it turns out grandma is in my seat, but I’m too scared to look in the rearview mirror. We drive out (for some reason) and get stuck at a closed gate, and all of the sudden it’s dark outside, Flea’s dead, and my grandma has fucking claws. She’s trying to disembowel me from behind, and a police car comes and opens the gate. I run out of the car, grandma jumps out and pounces on me, and then we’re all arrested. A loop (where I redream a part): I ran out of the car, there were no police, and I bolt to the right where there’s a gap in the fence, and find a tree. I can see a police tow truck speeding down and swerve into the field below and hit something that growled (sounded like Mr. Flappyjaw from Amnesia) and I started thinking about Amnesia: The Dark Descent.


[LAST]
I was running from Hunters (HL2 ep2) and some other things, in the parking lot of the Russian mall/concert place from the other dream, but it was in ruins.  I ran into Superwoman? I dunno, it was some superhero lady. Anyway. She caught me and demanded I allow myself to be arrested for killing Catwoman? I then told her what happened: We were in a cargo plane, and there were these people in dark robes or something, and catwoman was there, and they were trying to shove a peeled mango down my pants. I think it was to start the ritual of sacrificing me to Mr. Tall and Faceless. I don’t know. Then they shoved my out the plane and I went into freefall and landed in the lot. Superwoman realized I didn’t kill Catwoman, and so she ran off, and I was left to fend for myself against the Hunters. I had the Spy’s Cloaking device (TF2) and I climbed all the way to the top of this structure that had an elevator shaft, but no elevator.



Thank you, dreams. I will forever be scarred for life :1 Please, no mangos down my pants. It was uncomfortable enough in my dream.

So I made a pointless video due to my complete and utter boredum :1 Damn Movie maker kept freezing over when I was trying to export it. I really need a better video editing software. Plus, GIMP was being a gimp when I was making the gifs :P HUURR cryptic bullshit is the best bullshit there is.



Was in garage earlier, emptying recycling. The word “construct” popped in my head, and the ‘feeling’ of here accompanied it. Whut. Weird. All boredom and no internet makes me a dull teenager. WTH. I've been practically obsessed with the word "internet" for the past few days. WHUT.

Have I ever said how much I hate the wind? I don't mind if it's a light breeze, but hot damn, with the way it's going, I fear for my windows. This is an ancient house after all. Whatever. It's been over 32F for the past few days, along with it being rainy. Which is totally awesome. Can't wait for spring, that's when the rain comes. Have I ever told you how much I love the rain? I love it, a lot. I find it funny how people freak when they get a little wet.

regards,
aXn

Friday, February 25, 2011

...

I don't think I slept at all last night. And if I did, I sure as hell I don't feel like it. To some extent, I admit, I did sleep a little, but it took forever to get to sleep. Hours upon hours tossing and turning. And when I did finally get to sleep, I kept waking up. I kept getting up, looking out the window for something (I think it was for snow? Snow day today), then I'd either go back to bed, or.. I can't really remember what I was doing before I went back to bed. It's like a big blank spot in my memory (then again, I always do have a hard time remembering things that happen when I wake at godaweful early times in the mornings).

 The window is right next to my bed, so all I have to do is turn on my side or my stomach and reach a little to move the blinds out of the way. But During the duration of my "waking-ups" I physically got up. And I don't really know why. So that adds to the "WTF" factor. :I I am not amused. And to make things even better, I keep dreaming of hospital like places. I know that when I was younger, I spent a lot of time in hospitals because I was sick so often (which is the reason why I absolutely abhor hospitals), but I don't see.. Wait. Now that I look at it (ahem, think/remember) about it, the hospital hallway from my recent dreams is rather similar to that of the dream I had on May 31st, 2010 (you'll have to do a little scrolling to find it. Sorry :/ ), when I was walking down that hallway after Alex went MIA and the elevator went bye-bye :B


Last night, my dad took notice of me not being well. I was in the kitchen, "looking" for something to eat (we were fending last night) and I guess I got stuck in a staring spell with the window across the kitchen, so I was kinda just.. standing there, unblinking and unmoving. And then my dad walks in to get more pasta or whatever he was eating, and he asked me if I was alright. I was kind of out of it at the moment, so I just nodded. He asked if I was sure, cause, according to him, I didn't look all too well.
I guess I am a little pale, and with the massive bags under my eyes, I guess it's a bit hard to miss. I certainly don't feel very well today. I'm finding it getting harder to eat everyday. Even if I am hungry (and my stomach demands food), I still find it hard to swallow. Or even chew, for that matter. It's kinda like when you just ate waaayyy too much, then mere sight of food makes you feel like shit. Except that's me, only on an empty stomach. DX








God, I feel so alone. Even though I have awesome friends, I feel like.. well, I'm just a fifth wheel. Especially when my friends and I are all together. I feel like I'm being excluded, and I just hang there. And just be, and nothing more. And even one on one with someone, all they talk about is themselves. Mostly, it's either that or their girl/boyfriend. It disgusts me, how obsessed people are. It makes me wonder about two things: one, Why didn't I grow up to be like nearly everyone else? Always been the loner, the outcast, I have. And two, are we, as a race, really worth saving? I mean, I look around, and all I see.. it hurts to even look outside, even. It's hard to describe how I feel, really. It's like I have a voice for no reason, and that most of what I believe in will get shot down immediately because I don't agree with most of the things people believe in today. I should tone down on my opinions. I shouldn't be pouring my heart out to the internet like this, but it's not as if someone's actually reading this, right? Right. Only me, myself, and I.

God, I want to punch my self so bad. I'm so fucking annoying.



Starting tomorrow, it'll be two weeks I made this blog, two weeks of no one coming and saying "OMG FU this blog is so dumb ur so frikkin dumb 4 maken this piece of filth shit u shud go dye in a curner cuz ur so stuped". I'm surprised, actually. But whatever. Happy almost Two Week anniversary! ....No. :/

Have I ever told you how against celebrations I am? Or how I can hardly stay on one subject for a period of time *coughthisblogcough* ?  Yeah. Imma go now :B

regards,
aXn

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I feel like shit. Total. Utter. SHIT. Blegh XC

Short story long, I'm still having my lovely coughing fits (had one in Defense class today :I I kept looking out the windows in paranoia to see if there was something there. Dunno why though. been watching too many horror movies I guess.), and now I'm getting these fan-fucking-tabulous headaches. And to top it all off, I feel like Imma barf my brains out. I really hope it isn't the flu, or some crazy virus. And just a cold. Scratch that. I REALLY hope I'm not coming down with something. And now I'm shivering. Great.



Dear Body:
Why do you hate me so? I can understand you giving me freaky ass dreams and all, but waking me up multiple times per sleep cycle? And these little hallucinations. I mean, seriously. I'm already paranoid enough as is. I don't need to be constantly looking over my shoulder because I keep "seeing" something move around from the corner of my eye, or thinking that the trees I walk by are going to attack me because they look like someone's rushing at me. And all these freaking headaches. You know, Body, it's rather hard to sleep when my head feels like it's being ripped open. :I  I thought we came to a truce, where we were supposed to be nice to one another. But I can understand where this is coming from. I haven't been treating you as greatly as I should as of late. I'm sorry about that. But you know, times are rough these days. Let's work over this. I think it'll be good for the both of us. I don't know how much longer I can stand going on like this.. how I've been for the past month or so. It's very taxing. You should know this best. Well, let's work on this together. You do so much for me already. I feel in debt to you for that. Let's get better. Together. I promise I'll help. Promise.
regards,
Me




Kinda reminds me how my mom would (and still does) always ask if I was okay, if I was feeling alright, etc. When I look at it now, I find it strange, to say the least. I mean, I can understand some concern, regarding how I had that intense/important operation when I was little, but that was years ago. The wound has healed. There's no need to keep fretting over me like that still. I have a feeling my mom isn't letting me in on the full story here. I know that something happened in my childhood that makes my mom that protective. Or maybe I'm just over analyzing this. Maybe it's a mom thing. But coming into my room while I'm sleeping to check on me. My goodness. Can't really do that now, seeing as I'm Across the country from her.
AND she keeps calling me. Or her phone keeps calling me. I pick up, she doesn't answer, just this background noise. I don't know. It just feels wrong. I hope things are okay over there.




So. Trees. I remember I've always had this thing for trees since I was little. It's like.. I don't know how to explain it, but whenever I hear the word, or see them.. I just get this feeling. VERY hard to describe. But.. I guess it's like I have this special place in my head/heart/whatever for them. I guess there's something very important about trees. Or maybe it's because the desert lacks them. Especially in many parts of Vegas. Maybe it's in my blood to like trees. Being born in a state practically made of trees. Friggin' NH. HUURR.

....

Uh, I guess you could say I've been in an.. artistic mood as of late. I keep drawing. But It's of the same thing. Over and over and over anD OVER AND OVER AND OVER. People. I keep drawing PEOPLE. But that's not the weird thing. I keep drawing people with NO EYES and their mouths are stitched up. I'll show you a few examples:

(this one started out being a picture I owed to a friend. Lost a bet and this is how I have to pay :I IDK why I did this to it, but whatever)


Sorry this one's a little blurry. My camera was being a complete ass.


Not exactly a person, but I found it was close enough to put it up.


Had to put this one up. Don't mind the ? face at the upper right corner. 
I thought he was too awesome to crop out xD
..funny, I didn't intentionally draw him looking at Grin-Face. huh.



..this one kind of creeps me out :X Though it'd be kickass if it were digitally colored with some added effects. 



And I keep drawing this symbol.. thing:

I keep drawing it everywhere. Sometimes I don't even realize that I do. What the hell.




MMM, yes. Let's share more personal info in the interwebz :P


Quiero lo ser el fin de semana ahora. Por favor. No quiero me despierto maƱana. Bleeghh DX

Yeh. Watch me butcher the Spanish language XD

regards,
aXn

Monday, February 21, 2011

Dream Time :D and share creepy music time

Ok, so, I had three two dreams last night. Well, more like nightmares but.. Well, they didn't feel like a dream, nor a nightmare. But I know they were in my head. And they both woke me up. HHNNGG. Now, I can't remember, for the life of me, which came first. But They had a consistent theme to them. Trees, man. Crazy.

FIRST:
I was in the woods/forest with my step dad and little brother. It was the "alive" kind of woods/forest. Like it was all green and foresty and alive. Catch my drift? I hope so. Anyway. My step dad was trying to teach my brother (and I?) something, and I was playing in a pond/small body of water. Which was pretty deep. The rocks/gravel/whatever that was the ground were dark colored, not black, but certainly a range of dark shades that were close to black. There was something about a log partially blocking a path. I don't know. ANYWAY. My step dad had this piece of paper that had info on it or something, and he set it down while kneeling next to it. So did my brother (and I after I was done playing around). The woods/forest had somehow shifted or something because it was now partially my room. Sorta. VERY hard to explain. Then My desk chair appeared by the paper, and this HUGE ASS MOFO SPIDER appears on my chair. When I say huge, I mean it. It was larger than my hand outstretched. Now, this spider had.. 6 legs? and it was pale, like a skin color, but pale and semi-translucent. I remember screaming or something. My step dad noticed it, and he screamed, and guess what he did? Flicked it at me. So I panicked and got out of the way, and the bugger skimpered off into my closet. Which now, I'll admit, I'm afraid to go into :X

This is where I woke up. I thought there were spiders on my foot. Of course, like all the other times I've been waking up at -834893478q34 AM, my room was extremely warm (though it was like 2'F outside :P ) and I was really thirsty. BAWW.

SECOND:
I was in the woods. SURPRISE SURPRISE. But this was different. All the trees were dead. The sky was extremely dark. I mean like pitchblackOMGICANTSEEMYSELF kind of dark. But the weird thing was, was that the lighting in the woods was like it was day time. HURM. If I remember correctly, I was on this set path, which I believe it was grey. I think. So there I was, in the creepy woods, walking. I had said  "I feel like I'm being watched". Which makes me believe I was with someone. With all certainty, I really felt like I was being watched. And this isn't in-dream. I'm talking about my (sub?)consciousness could feel something watching me. Then.. I WAKE UP. Still feeling like I'm being watched. But it went away fairly quickly. Room was warm again :P Still thirsty as hell.

Now that I mention it, I have been guzzling down an abnormal amount of water for the past few weeks. huh.

So my step mom is sick. I've had this damn cough for a while now. Still wont do away. thankfully it isn't a OMGICOUGHEDMAHBRAINZZOUT kind of cough.

HHNNGG. My laptop has been acting up as of late. REALLY SLOW. Rage. Gotta wrap this up before it I explode.

regards,
aXn

PS I feel like I'm missing something I wanted to write down. FFFFFF


EDIT: I remember what I forgot (albeit, while trying to get to sleep >.>  )

Ok, so, When I woke up the second time, and was half awake (or less) in my bed, I felt as if there were two of me there, like one from when I first woke up, and then yanno me me. It's.. kinda hard to explain. But it was like I was in two different locations (in my bed, but on diff, sides of the bed) at once. WHUT.

Note to self: If I ever want to remember something, curl up in bed and pretend to try to get to sleep. Prolly will remember what I forgot :P My bed has magical remembrance powers :O

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Deathly Raisins and Bathroom Doors

The raisins! They taste like death!

..not that I know what death tastes like. But I'm being serious here. I dunno if they spoiled or not, but when I eat them... well, my body tells me that it's the taste of death, and I should stop eating them. Cause obviously some shit's going down with these raisins. But I like raisins. HHRRRMMM. So yeah. Back to almonds and cashews, then.

In other news. I was woken up at what.. 3 AM? Somewhere around there. I dunno what it was that woke me up (it was prolly the wind. It was blowing pretty hard, and in my half awake state, I though it was going to break my windows), but I'm happy it wasn't another nightmare. But I was insanely thirsty again. I don't understand D: I guess it's a good thing I keep my water bottle filled at all times :I Though I kept hearing this strange noise. I don't remember what it sounded like exactly, but it was weird.

Then this morning, when I went to go to the bathroom, the door closed itself. Serious. It could've been my stepmom (she had her straightener out, and my little sister touches everything), but I didn't see her. No one was in the bathroom (didn't realize this until half an hour later >.> ). The bathroom door is kinda like the ones on an airplane, like the ones that fold in half, and you can easily tell if someone is behind it or not when it's being closed/opened. No one was there. None of the windows were open (windows stay closed all winter), so that rules out that possibility. But I could of missed my step mom. I walked out of my room and into the hall when the door was closed, so.. I dunno. Felt like sharing that :I

Was snowing a little earlier. I was PISSED. I don't mind snow, but we've already got like, what, OVER 9000 FT OF SNOW ALREADY? Plus yesterday was in the 50's, so this cold weather coming again makes me sad.

...aaaannd I just knocked over my tin of tacks. Time to go pick 'em up :P

regards,
aXn

Friday, February 18, 2011

I feel like shit, and I'm tired as hell. Like all my energy has been sapped out of my body. At least my eyes aren't hurting anymore. But I keep coughing. Like the other day I just could not stop coughing. Especially in proximity with Kellie. Which is strange. I really hope I'm not coming down with something. I hate being sick. 

Ignore the below if you wish not to deal with the venting of emotions and teenager shit :P 

You're always so distant from us. Why?! Always talking about running away, killing yourself. We try to help you, you just disregard our help and keep whining and BITCHING ABOUT EVERY FUCKING THING. But yet, as I saw today, when you were with HER you were an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON. Outgoing. HAPPY. Striking up a conversation that didn't have to do with your petty drama you love to shove down my THROAT every SINGLE DAY. Why? Are WE not GOOD ENOUGH for you?! I try and I try and I endure all this, but EVERYONE has a breaking point! Even those who seem so strong! Why do you see me as this person who won't break? I have things I really want to get off my chest, but I can't TRUST you anymore to tell you! She was right. You're abandoning us. AGAIN. Of course, I'm too cowardly to say this to your face, but sometimes I just want to SMASH YOUR FACE INTO A FUCKING WALL. And leave you there. Always groveling, clinging to my arm, crying in my shoulder, about how HORRIBLE you are at romance. We try comforting you, but you just PUSH US AWAY and continue your decent into depression and this sad, pathetic state that you're in. BUT IF YOU JUST CONTROLLED YOURSELF FOR ONCE, we wouldn't have to deal with this crap ALL THE TIME. I know right now I'm coming off as an asshole. I know. When I read this, I want to punch myself in the face. But this is what I see. If you can't handle the truth and accept that you're in reality.. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. All I know, is that I feel betrayed, more than anything.

Ok, I'm done :P

In happier news, I learned some kicks in Defense today. Though pretty much everyone failed the skill check xD I also learned that it's hard to take quizzes in the morning classes while half awake. Though I think I made my math teacher real happy. We had a quiz today (factoring polynomials and finding all real solutions and finding zeros and whatnot). I tried very hard to fill everything in, cause I'll tell you right now, when it was handed out, I died a little on the inside. Sum and diff of cubes is NOT my forte. At least the synthetic division part was pretty easy. I like that better than substitution. ANYWAY. Off topic. When I handed mine in, I saw the quiz before mine was half blank (and this was from a guy who sits in my row and is really smart), and my teacher kinda whispered to me "Glad to know someone studied". She's such a riot. My favorite math teacher. She explains thins so well. :D

Whenever I turn the light off, my room gets so quite. The dark adds to it. But when I turn it back on, it isn't as.. silent. I don't know how to explain it. 


called for food, scared the crap outta me. jumpy today

regards,
aXn

Of Water and Weapons

Dream. Don't remember much of it. End of the world? I was trying to hide from the masses. They were looking for something. Got cornered, fled and hid in a small crawlspace. Two guys can to torch the building I was in. A little blurry, I think they spared me, and I was following them. Something about a year stands out. Time skip, I was in a place where multiple beings from multiple dimensions/universes flocked to. There were some who were "gifted" and "found" these special weapons. I was "gifted" with a semi short sword, about 2 ft long, curved like a letter "c". I was also "gifted" with a dagger and a short sword. I couldn't, for the life of me, find their sheaths.

When I woke up, I was on my left side. I think I was at the perfect angle, cause I could hear.. running water? I know it wasn't raining this morning, and the shower doesn't made that sound. Or the toilet or sinks. Huh. When I rolled on my other side, I couldn't hear it anymore.

TGIF. I did NOT want to wake up this morning. HHNNNGGG. Stupid lack of sleep. On the bright side, I have Self Defense today :D I love that class

regards,
aXn

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Deformed MnM's

HNNNGGG. Everytime I post something, I end up forgetting something.

In this case, I was eating some trail mix (it has MnM's in it), and I found a deformed MnM that looks like (in shape) one of my stone/crystal necklaces. Which I can't find at the moment. Might've left it at Vegas. ANYWAY. With my fetish of taking pictures of things, I did a little "photoshoot" with it and one of my mannequins. 

 So here (below) you can partly see my red journal the blog's named after XD



Tablet's the background XD Didn't want you to see what was on my laptop 

 

My fingers look so weird. :/

My pretzels taste like cinnamon. WEIRD.

regards,
aXn 
So, today was a bit.. strange to say the least. All day, I've been highly irritable and "scatterbrained", as Kellie says it. All DAY. Which is odd. I usually cool off and go back to my happy go lucky state of mind. When I told Kellie this, honest to any higher powers up there, she so sounded surprised when she told me she's been feeling the same the whole day as well. Coincidence? I don't know. It's not often that we sync up on negative feelings. When I walked by that abandoned house earlier, it was in rubble. I don't have a pic, construction people were around. With bulldozers. And there was this annoying rumble sound that bore on my eardrums. >.> I got freaking chills down my spine looking at the no longer there house. It was like I was stuck in a staring spell. I just couldn't look away.




god, you're annoying.
WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?!
Can't you see I don't want to deal with your SHIT right now?! You aren't the ONLY ONE dealing with personal issues.
SHUT UP!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHRHGRHGHKHERGKGKHJGKHFKGH!!!!!!
I HATE THIS! I HATE YOU! 
FUCK YOU!
GO AWAY AND GO DIE IN A FUCKING CORNER!!! I'M TIRED OF YOUR CONSTANT BULLSHIT AND DRAMA!!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!



So much rage and hatred. I wonder where it's coming from. 


I wish I didn't have this urge to kill. It's really bothering me. Really, it is. The above statements are also bothering me. Very much.

regards,
aXn 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

wups

I realized I forgot to mention this before I pub'd the last post XO D'oh! (too lazy to edit it, not to mention my laptop goes crazy when I try editing DX )

Ok, so, for a while now, I've been feeling this ominous oppressing... force that makes the back of my neck tingle and this little pain roll down my spine. This has been going off and on, some days it's there, some it isn't. Now, I told this and the few recent dreams to my friend Kellie, and we've been trying to figure out what it means. She thinks I'm being haunted by a ghost or something. Similar to what my West Coast parents said. But they got more info. I told them about these childhood memories I've been remembering as of late (which is odd, as I forgot about them for years..freaking insomnia). But they think I might be remembering a past life of mine, or something. But I know for a fact those memories were from this life. I'm certain that it was real. They seemed to not believe me. They said they don't remember it ever happening. But I know it happened.

So here's what it's all about:
This was when I stilled lived in Vegas with my parents before I moved out here to NH. We moved a lot in Vegas, so I'm not entirely sure which house this was in. We had a back room that used to serve as a bar, but was now just a back room, which had the back door to the house. Which I swear on my life was closed and locked. The next parts are a little blurry (being young then and all), but my sister and I went in the back room for whatever reason (prolly to get something out of the freezer chest), and we saw that the door was fucking WIDE OPEN. Not to mention it was night time, so it looked like eternal blackness past the door frame. I can still feel how scared I was. I think my  sister and I armed ourselves with hammers and searched the house for anything. We found ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. At all. How could THAT get passed my parents? I swear my sister told them when they got back home. I swear.   


With the way they brushed it off, pisses me off. It doesn't help that I feel that a VERY important.. something lies within my childhood. Which I remember hardly ANYTHING from. HHHNNNGGGGHHH SO FRUSTRATING.

meh, double posting DX

regards,
aXn

*insert witty title here*

So, no dreams to report for last night. I guess they were too unimportant for me to remember. ANYWAY.

Learning some neat things in my Self Defense class. Punching, blocking, parrying, some strikes. We're going to start on lower body strikes (kicks :P ) Next class Friday. So excited :D

So I was walking home with my friend from school like we always do. She slipped (the sidewalks are covered in at least 3 inches of ice, and the roads are just suicide) and fell. Well, while she regained her balance and stood up, I was looking at the houses around us. Mind you, they're really creepy, so I want to make sure no face-hugger is going to come jump at me and implant embryos into my chest when I'm unaware. Don't ask. So I'm looking at the windows, and on the top floor (The attic? a lot of these houses have room attics) of a house in front of us was someone looking at us, it seemed. Pale skin color, about my shade. Bald? I dunno. I have horrible vision, so it could of been anything. Curse me and my imagination. But the thing was, I got this weird feeling that rolled down my spine 'till we passed the house. Not that it helps that a few houses down was the abandoned house that's being torn down :/

Also, I hate being the "psychologist" of my group of friends. I'm pissed at the moment because of it. Fucking worthless drama. Excuse me while I go rage and break something.

Oh, btw, before I forget, anyone seen the new Marble Hornets entry? I saw it in my sub box this morning getting ready for school. I prolly watched it like a thousand times. I don't know why. I'm just drawn to it. Goddamn obsessions. Not to mention, I get a little sad, mainly cause this song/video makes me sad for the masked wonder at the end :P I was singing the song in class today. I think in Math and Spanish. HUURRR.

regards,
aXn

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Dream

Nothing much, but I remember my brother being there, but it wasn't really him, almost skeletal in appearance, like how Kellie appeared in my recent dream. He told me this: "He's here". I woke up to the room being abnormally warm and a sort of pressure. I was also insanely thirsty :/

So I guess I'll have to wait and see if "He"'s gunna show his face today. Show 'em to my eyeballs. Till then.

regards,
aXn

Monday, February 14, 2011

Artificial Sanctuary [Dream Log part 2]

Well, first and foremost, Happy Single Awareness Day :D

...or aka Valentines Day.. wooo. :/

Anyway. I'm all hyper. Why? I'm eating these huge ass Reece's cups :D So anyway. There's this really ominous presence I've been feeling as of late. Combined with the feeling of being watched. Creepy, huh? Well, There's this house being torn down near my street, and <censored> think's that it might be the spirit say "FUCK NO" and bein all angry. Maybe.


Looks creepy :/

ANYWAY. Time to continue with catching up with the dream log :P Hopefully, I can get all these done now, and move on. I'm going to sum up the longer ones. No way in hell Imma be able to rewrite all that.

[START]

2010


October


29th
I was running around in a house trying to escape something. There were these shadows on the walls, and at one point, I was "possessed" by it atop a staircase. I managed to fall down the stairs, and had my face squished against the window that was at the bottom of the stairs. I tried opening it, but I had little bodily control. Eventually, the window was opened by something and I just kind of hung out of it. I was twitching all over, almost like a seizure. Some people spotted me and came over, and they though I was dead, but one of them knew I was alive.


31st
First part was me and some people I knew were buying some food for some sort of airplane trip or apocalypse or... something.

Second part, it was nothing short of a zombie apocalypse. I remember being in the desert and seeing this massive and huge rocket that was supposed shoot as many people into space as possible to escape the zombies, but it never went off.

Somehow I ended up in a cubicle like thing outside, defending myself with turrets that looked like fans, a bazooka and shotgun that looked like it came out of F.E.A.R. The zombies were like the infected from L4D1, and a Hunter jumped over my sentries/turrets, and I shot it with my shotgun. Another Hunter did that later, but I was too slow and ended getting pinned to the ground. That's when I woke up.

November


26th
Something about huge ass cupcakes, my brother, and not being able to pay my bill that kept changing in numerical value. Another, more memorable part, was when I was helping defend a town or fortress, my fellow guards disappeared when I looked away. I went into the town looking for them, anyone, as it seemed everyone had disappeared. EVERYONE. So I went to what served as the town hall as well as the mall, but found no one, except a tall man in all black. Then I woke up.

December

9th
(NOTE: This entry is very brief, and lacks detail. I guess I just didn't feeling like writing it all down)
I was in a world where people had alter-forms that allow you to turn into these beasts. Not everyone could do it though. I went to train under this infamous trainer, who was already training others at the time. The other trainees disliked me, and constantly tried to get me in trouble, causing me harm in some cases. [eventually, few of them turned evil and tried to kill the master]

14th
All in all, I was being stalked by this creepy guy. Very ominous. Something about trains, tunnels, and dark, confusing mazes.

16th
Another zombie apocalypse dream. Me, my Elder sister, and some others were survivors, I drempt that my sister killed herself and left a note for me. I remember I cried.

19th
Trapped somewhere. House like. In a blue/green haze.

Moved to a house with my brother. We had a garage on the lower level and a huge backyard. It was right next to a hospital. Many crates in garage.

We had guests on night. While they were mingling on the first and second floors, I was down in the basement/garage. There was a helicopter next to the garage opening outside. My brother came down with two other people. I knew one had a gun. I didn't say anything though.

 The shutter on the garage was 2/3 down. Guy with gun asked my to return the helicopter to the hospital. Said I could. I (in 3rd person) saw the look my brother gave my dreamself. Said dreamself never saw it. Flew the helicopter over to the hospital, but it wasn't theirs so I flew back to my house. When I got out, it was deathly quiet. No guests. I looked in the garage.

The shutter was halfway closed now. In there, I saw my brother and the other guy lay dead on the ground, surrounded by their blood. I think I cried.

TIMESKIP
Selling the house. After, all was hazy. Assembled a revolver, girl took it, I chased her, she had something in her hand besides revolver. Tackled her. Thing fell from her hand. Never found what it was. Took revolver, handcuffed her. Transition to being in the woods with sister and couple other guys. We were traveling to a place where there was safety (zombie apocalypse), group got larger. One point, I was ambushed, and bitten by a zombie. Killed a guy. He tried to infect us all. I only let me and my sister and the two other dudes continue on. Left the other people.


2011


January


15th
Drempt of smoking.

16th
Dreamed I killed myself.
(NOTE: Says here that I felt that I was visited by something that night. No real evidence, but something just told me that I was "visited". Ever since I came back from X-mas vaca in Vegas, been waking up at 1/2 AM, the room all hot/stuffy/sweaty. Though the heater's been turned down and it's been hella cold. )


25th
Don't remember the details, but I'm in my room tn a house that's very much like the one I'm in now, except there's a wooded area in front of the house. My blinds are pulled up a little bit, so I can see outside. It's all snowy like it should be. At the tree line, He stands there, looking directly at me (though he has no face). I try and make it so he can't see me, I can't see him. Doesn't really work. (seems dream logic dictated I can't pull my blinds down :P )

Whenever someone walked down the street, he does a sweeping "after you" motion with his.. arms, and proceeds to chase whomever it is. I woke up.

Legit, I saw this masked girl in my room (her mask is all white, like a blank slate. No eye/mouth/nose holes). She stared at me. There were other featureless, white masks like hers all along my walls, making them look black. But they seemed like they were connected to bodies. Blinked. They vanished. [here I blame the internetz for this dream]

--while snowmobiling that day, at night mind you, something touched my shoulder. and it wasn't a tree branch.

February


12th
Nightmare this morning. Didn't get to sleep till around 2. Dreampt about something, one part I was with Alex in a train yard, where all the trains were derailed. In a zig zag pattern if I remember correctly. We were either looking for something (I remember looking under a cart or something) or running from something, albeit in a walking pace with no crazy emotions. Another part, the part I woke up from, I was in the mall with Kelie. I was sctratching her head or something for her, and when I stopped, she said something like "I don't care what other people say". something else was said, but I don't remember what. Now, here's what woke me up: in all of the mall place, the lights went out with this very ominous sound. I remember seeing an outline of kellie's face. It was so scary. It was like it really wasn't her, and just something who was using her skin. I woke up, scared, heart pounding, and for some reason, on the verge of tears.

 [END]


ok. so I got them all down. For some reason, I don't have any recorded for this month yet. Strike that. Never mind. So now that that's done and over with, we can move on :D


...buuut not right now, 'cause I have homework to do :P

regards,
aXn

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Artificial Sanctuary [Dream Log part 1]

So after much thought (not really), I've decided to start writing down my dreams, like a dream log, if you will. I just.. I need a place to put these. I'll start out with the earliest I've written down previously, then move onto the more recent dreams :P Isn't that an awesome game plan? I'm not gunna post all of them at once, for I am lazy (and there's too many entries i have, albeit scattered everywhere :P ). Though I will admit that some of my dreams (more like nightmares >.> )are kind of.. disturbing to say.

Well, let's get this party started :I Note, I'm just writing them down how I found them written, but anything I add in now will be italicized and labeled with a "NOTE" in parenthesis.  

[START]

2009

October

15th
I was in the car with my mom and sister, on the side of the highway in Las Vegas. We were driving back to my moms house from the airport, as I had just arrived from New Hampshire. The car had overheated from the intense summer heat, so we stopped on the side of the road and called a tow truck.

My sister had been silent the whole way, which is unusual, because she is usually talking 'till the world ends.  She sat next to me in the back, curled up with her knees to her chest. 

I stared out the window.

My mom was talking on the phone, probably informing my stepdad that we would be late.

My sister started crying.

I asked her what was wrong. First mistake.

She launched into a full tragic tale of her loosing her jobs and some bitch saying things about our family.

I was shocked. Usually my sister was stronger than this huddling mess of tears and weakness. What had happened while I was gone?

Apparently, I had asked that outloud, albeit quietly. Second mistake.

My sister heard. 

She went from being weak and teary eyed to a crazy mass of rage.

I could see it in her eyes.

She turned to me, grabbed my shoulder in a vice grip, and asked "What the fuck did you just say?"

I flinched. Her nails dug into my skin through my shirt. Her voice quivered in rage. I was starting to freak out.

I was speachless. Third mistake.

She shrieked, startling me and my mom, and with her other hand, made a move to grab my neck. 

Oh shit.

She was fast. I never knew she was THAT fast. But, thankfully (or maybe not), my mom was faster. She took hold of my sister while turning around in the drivers seat. That must of hurt, but I couldn't think of that at the current moment. During the whole five seconds this occurred, my sister let go of my shoulder in surprise.

I stared wide eyed at the two of them, my sister struggling to get out of my moms vice grip. 

My mom looked at me in the eye, and told me in a chilly, yet motherly voice "Get out of the car. I think it is best if you walked the rest of the way, Tyler."

I stared at them for a few more seconds, before shooting out of the car, and onto the side of the highway. Thank the gods that we were close to my moms house.

But, I couldn't get my sister and her reactions out of my head. It was so different from the last time I saw her. And my mom. She would never, under any circumstances, make me walk. Normally, if worst came to worst, she would have a friend or my stepdad come and pick up whomever needed picking up.

Something strange was going on. I didn't like it. Not one bit.

But the question remained:
What the hell had happened while I was gone?!


June

29th
It began with a cold, merciless wind drifting through the near abandoned city. Dark, bleary clouds blotted the sky, leaving no room for any of the sun and it's soothing warmth. It was all in black and white, no color, no sound. Just standing outside and living gave you a massive headache and made you want to die.

The news had only arrived merely days earlier. The nukes had been launched. We were truly going to die. There was no true escape from this certain death, the international space station had even become a war zone in its own rights, but now they were all dead up there, silently floating as the hunk of metal slowly joined back with the earth and its human creators in death.  But still, the people fled into the so called “Safe Zones” the government had set up.

 No where was safe on this planet. Not even in your own house, locked up tight with your family and best of friends whom you trusted oh so dearly. No, no one was to be trusted. Turn your back for even one second, and BAM! You’re dead, or whatever they want to do with you. Within days our slightly unstable society went from somewhat orderly to downright chaos. It happened everywhere; there was no escape.

My family and I had been running. Well, the best that we could. If you stayed in one place, you were dead. All the psychos and criminals had escaped. Until we were blown to smithereens, we were in the killers playground now. My family, no, what was left of it, has stopped to take a break from the constant moving. My grandparents, Grammy Sue and Grandpa John; three of my cousins, Stephanie and Jeffery, twins, around 7, and Joshua, ten-ish; my sister, Felecia, 18; and I. that’s all that was left of us. My mother had been with us for a while, but… she had just disappeared and no one would tell me what happened. They’d just look away and go silent.

We made the biggest mistake ever to have stopped. It was at a rest stop area, which was an open building, meaning there was truly no inside to it, except for the bathrooms. We had been standing outside of it, where it had started to snow a little. There was only dull grey gravel anyway, so it blended in with the rest of the surroundings. There had been an air raid siren that was rigged to sound when the “Masters of the Playground” were coming, and boy, did it go off. 

We were caught off guard by it, and didn’t have enough time to run into the grey lifeless woods not that far away. The only place we could really hide was in the rest stop building, granted it didn’t give us much  cover. Boy, the shit really hit the fan then. We were hiding; I was behind a rather large trashcan, my sister behind a vending machine, my grandfather was still outside, just standing and staring off at us with dead eyes, my grandmother no where to be seen, and my cousins… I may not be religious, but God bless them, they didn’t find any hiding spots. The people who had come had brought these dogs with them.. But those weren’t any normal dogs. They were huge beasts, blood soaked from earlier kills, the red the only defining color in this bleak canvas of a nightmare. 

My grandfather just stood there when they released the dogs, and didn’t even flinch when they started tearing into him with their huge teeth and claws. He had merely stared at us with those damned dead, empty eyes. After they were done with him, they went after my cousins, who had started running.  The dogs chased them, then started playing with them as is they were some sort of chew toy, tossing them around to each other a few times until their screams subsided soft moans, then proceeded to tear them limb from limb and eat them.

It was until then that I realized I was going to die. I couldn’t even look at my sister, too terrified to take my eyes off the monstrous beasts that were to be my angels of death.

I can’t really remember what had happened, but the next thing I knew was that my sister and I had taken refuge in an abandoned house, which looked extremely like where my grandparents had lived. We had been safe there for a while ( the nukes had destroyed half of the world by now, we were just unfortunate enough to not be hit by the blast radius, or die from the radiation yet), and we had even found a survivor, whom I did not like at all. He was a big muscular man, but really silent and often stared out the window at the snow that had continuously fell.

I had been upstairs, trying to contact anyone on the radio. The remaining faction of law enforcement had picked up my call and said they would be on their way to pick us up and bring us to one of the Safe Zones. Anything was better than this place. My mood was lifted up from the news, and I went to pack and tell Felecia and our fellow survivor the news. 

My sister was just an empty shell of who she used to be. You could see it in her eyes. She was lifeless. A walking carcass. I had hoped that with this news she would begin to feel again, and no longer be lifeless.  I was so wrong. When the people came to pick us up, she refused. I had pleaded with her to come with, that where we would be going was safe and we could live as if nothing had happened. All she did was look up at me with those dead eyes and I distinctly remember her saying “I’d rather die of radiation poisoning than go.” It broke my heart so much to hear that. Emotions swirled through my chest. Sadness, hate, remorse, regret, emptiness.  I couldn’t believe it.

Much after that was blurry, but I do remember being put into a place for people under 20. I think it was at the school that I attend to, and the top floors of the east and west buildings were turned into dormitories. It had these huge, thick lead walls covered with cement bricks surrounding it like a giant grey cube. I had a room mate who was energetic, and didn’t seem to care for what was going on outside the walls of our home. Some things had happened, I can’t recall what exactly, but I had been framed for murder or something. I had been hiding in the playground that was there, and this very official and authoritive woman had been watching me with a sick and twisted smile and amused look on her face. She had told me that I was going to end up just like everyone else outside, and that when I did, she would use me as a puppet to do her bidding or something.

I know I woke up crying from this dream, I think around the last time I saw my sister in this dream. Then I went back to sleep, and voila. 


30th
Okay, so I don’t know where to start, but here we go. I think it started with me being a dude, or just seeing through his eyes, and he was flying to his/my house, because he/I was moving out of it. He/I was driving/piloting a fighter jet, and I think a ‘memory’ had flashed in his/my head.

 It was when he/I was visiting my brother hunter, my sister Felecia, and my step dad Glenn. I don’t remember seeing my mom. Anyways, he/I had forgotten the videogames I promised my brother I would bring, so when hunter asked, I said I forgot. A later part of that memory was when Glenn had told me I was no longer allowed in the house (I cant remember why), and was forcefully kicked out, my stuff inside still.

So, back in the ‘real’ world, me piloting my jet, landed behind the house. Glenn wasn’t there at the moment, and Felecia had apparently moved out, leaving hunter alone for the moment. I had come back for my stuff, and was in my old room when hunter saw me, and helped me pack my stuff. He was happy to see me, I think. I had most my stuff all packed and ready, when Glenn came back home from wherever, and saw that my room’s light was on and went to investigate. He only saw my brother at first, due to him being in front of me. I just stood there when he took hunter to the living room, and after that, I cant remember what happened.


The next part, I am still a guy, but this time I have some control over things, unlike last time. I think I’m in a facility for testing or whatever, and am with other people, who I recognized, but cant remember names. I think they were either my or the dude’s friends (the guy I see through his eyes). So~, I cant really much remember what exactly happens, but I know I/he is part of this test, and it had to do with a dark purple ball, and something had gone out of control, and the dude had started hyperventilating under a desk of some sorts, while the other people there stared at him in awe (I think), and I think there was blood on his/my hands, or something like that. So, this commander or someone of high power can in, and managed to calm me/him down. By hugging and rubbing of the back. Creepy. 

After the test, he/I was under the desk or whatever, and the other testing people were under desk things too. They were conversing about something (sneaky suspicion it was about him/me), and I/he snapped at them, and asking a question… (I think it was “What would you have done?!”) and then the commander person came back in to calm him/me…

After that, I woke up, I think. There might have been something about a train or a tunnel… I cant remember.

2010

March 

15th
Short dream. I was at this place wjich was like a carnival of sorts, but in a mall like place (NOTE: If any of you been to Town Square Mall in Vegas, it's kinda like that). Me and my friends were having a good time doing whatever, and for some reason, Obama was there. It was weird. There was a fountain that had rubix cubes in it, and we solved the cubes and when we were finished, we tossed them back in. I woke up shortly after that. At least I think I did.

17th
It started out with me and my sister packing up to leave on a journey or something. Originally, I was to be alone while my sister traveled with a friend of hers that seemed to be weary in my presence. I was able to get my sister to agree to let me travel with them. One we were packed up, we left our very Japanese like traditional house.

 We walked through the mountains , and eventually came upon an inn. I believe we stayed there, and my sister grew wary around me. I had wanted to see the infamous duo of the Akatsuki, Itachi and Kisame. I had heard that they were traveling around a Port city, so me and my sister and her friend set off. We could see parts of [the city]  when we got closer, still in the mountains. When we arrived, my sister and her friend ditched me in the bustling crowd. I searched everywhere for them, but to no avail. I was now traveling alone.

I traveled alone and around the world. Some part, my dad, step mom, and one of my dad's friends found me walking along a dirt path, so they picked me up. They were in cars. We went adventuring around, sometimes on foot, sometimes on bikes. We stumbled upon an old abandoned house (much like the one I left) on a forked path. The other way led to a mountain path. One night, we were in the house. I was doing something, and I realized I was alone. I ran outside, and the cars and bikes and stuff my dad, step mom, and dad's friends used were gone. They had left me.

 Somehow, I ended up in the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge, and it said something like "We're sorry, but we're only doing this to protect you and everyone else". I was sad. I was bound to the house and could not leave. There was a seal on my left arm that "said" so.

 I spent my time in the house mulling around, cleaning and randomly doing things. I was in the bathroom when a messenger bird and messenger cat appeared. They both carried messages from my family. I didn't read them, as they most likely said sorry. I wrote messages that said I hated them, and sent the impatient messenger animals away. I was angry. Everything after that is blank.

May

31st
We both stood there, inside the small and cramped button less elevator, waiting. It had to be the slowest one we had been in yet. My claustrophobia had kicked in long ago when we were first forced into this nightmare of a maze. 

We, my friend Alex and I, had been discussing whatnot, when we had been knocked out. We had soon woken up in a room connected to a long hallway. The whole place was a mess. The walls were in a state of disrepair and decay, and seemed to ooze blood from every crevice. The floor was like a metal grate, but had some sort of dead  plant woven in the bars. It was also dark as hell, and we could barely see the 'ceiling', which was just like the floor. It seemed like some sort of thing seen in Silent Hill.

We had walked for a while, gotten lost, gone up and down many elevators (much to my dismay, and all of them, strangely, had no buttons), and had even considered splitting up, but that idea was quickly diminished when we had heard something slithered near us to the right. We had barely any light to see, but what we saw made us turn tail and run right into the elevator that we were currently in. The.. thing.. whatever it was, was huge, the top of it hitting the ceiling, which was probably 15 feet. I.. we could see long sharp teeth, the plethora of sticky saliva (at lest i though it was, couldn't tell), and we could hear it's growls and hisses as it chased us. Did I mention that it had no freakin' eyes.

This small little elevator was a temporary sanctuary, yes, but maybe to Alex. He didn't have claustrophobia, or even and intense fear of elevators, like me.  I envied him for it. The elevator seemed to pick up speed, but only a little. I could only huddle in a corner, shut my eyes tightly and plug my ears to try to get away from it all. That's what I did in a situation in which I couldn't control. It would be my downfall if faced with another monster. 

The elevator hiccuped, then stopped with a screech. My heart began beating faster than i thought possible, and I could barely hear Alex mutter a 'Shit..' before the most loudest, most horrifying roar echoed through the elevator shaft, and eventually, the small elevator cart. I had fallen on my knees, and screamed for all i was worth. I was just too scared to care, the massive loads of adrenaline that my brain pumped n my body urged me to just run, run as fast as i could.  couldn't concentrate, and I could remember myself jumping up and clawing at the doors. Alex had tried calming me down, being all calm, and succeeded to the point which i stopped screaming and sat with my knees to my chest while he pried open the electrical box and tried to get the elevator running again. 

I felt useless, but I knew I couldn't be much of any help, and this place was starting to get to me. I watched Alex 'hot wire' the elevator. It felt like years had passed when he finally got it working again, and as we began ascending again, we heard another roar, closer, and the sound of an adjacent elevator cart plummeting to its doom, whatever passengers it carried screaming until a BOOM and all was silent. Alex and I looked at each other, and I could see he was absolutely terrified.

By the time the elevator had finally stopped and its doors opened, i had fallen asleep. Alex tapped my arm to grab my attention, but when I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. I began to panic, and afraid to step out of the elevator. It began groaning, so I took that as an initiative, and jumped out just as it too, like its predecessor earlier, plummeted. There wasn't any roar of a mystery beast this time, but the fear still clung to me like sweat on an extremely humid day.  

I wondered where Alex was. He was the only one out of the two of us who had any sort of weapon. I looked around for something, anything that could be of use. I saw a heavy looking pipe on the wall, almost falling off from age, and decided on trying to take it. Luckily, it wasn't hard to take off the wall. It was heavy, yes, but it would suffice.  

I noticed i was covered in blood. I almost dropped my new found weapon in surprise. Where had it come from? Who's blood was it?  looked over to the now empty elevator shaft. Was it Alex's blood? I swore I saw something gleam in the blackness of the empty shaft, so I hurried over to a set of double doors and entered them.  I made sure the doors were closed before i continued on. I was too scared to investigate.

I walked down the hall, noticing the similarities to a hospital. The Hall was semi wide, and had a gloomy feel to it. A light blue mist had given the place a grayish blue glow. I looked around, and saw that all of the doors were broken in a curious manner. some were broken off their hinges and seemed to have been welded back on, some seemed to have this strange tree like plant growing on it and on the walls. Said walls had a coat of a thick, dark blue substance on it. It was shiny like freshly shed blood, and seemingly gave off a sickly sweet stench. The hall was completely devoid of objects, and as I walked further down, the world around me seemed to get darker and darker, the blue turning into red. 

Blood red.

I started running down the hall, randomly turning here and there when an intersection presented itself. Soon enough, the floor started squelching beneath my feet. I made the mistake of looking down at the floor, because when I did, I lost my balance and slipped, resulting in me falling on my ass. The floor was drenched on the same substance on the wall, and was slightly sticky. With a start, i realized that it was blood. And a Shit-ton of it. 

I heard a creaking sound in front of me, so i looked up. A set of double doors down the hall and to the right opened slowly, and a static light softly glowed out of the doors, as if a tv was on. I was too damn curious to be afraid, so I slowly got up and made my way to the doors. I entered and was blinded by a light.

When I could see again, I felt like I was in a dream, everything looking like it was being projected out of an ancient movie projector, the world in a purplish gray scale. I could see a me and Alex walking down a hall, talking. I followed, but I made no noise, and when I walked in front of the two, it was like i wasn't there. I realized it was like a memory. 

Past me was talking to Past Alex. It went something like this:

Past Alex sighed. He shook his head and looked at Past me. "I don't know how I'm gonna be able to do this. I can't. I give up."

Past me stopped and stared at past Alex as he stopped to turn around to look at her. She stared at him. "What? But why? After getting this far? I-"

"I'm $4000 in debt with them, Tyler! You of all people should know by now how hard money is to get these days! I can't go on! They'll find me! You! They'll..."

Past me put a hand on Past Alex's shoulder. "hey, it'll be alright. I'll help you, and I'm sure the others will too!" she took her backpack off and fished out a torn wallet. She opened it, and took out $50 and gave it to Past Alex. He looked at her.

"but, this is.."

"If it is to help, I'm fine with it."

She held out the two 20's and the ten. Past Alex looked at it. His face became hardened. "I cant take it. its yours."

"But-"

"But nothing! Just forget about it!" He slapped her hand away, making the old bills fall to the ground. He turned around and stalked off. Past me just stood there, watching him stalk off. 

The scene dimmed, and eventually went black. When I could see again, I was laying on a metal stair case. I could see through the metal grates that made up the stairs. I didn't like what i saw. It was that thing from before, silently slithering up the stairs. It didn't seem to notice me. I got up as quietly as i could, and tiptoes up the stairs. All was well, until i got up to the last floor, when i heard a yell. My heart jolted. It sounded like Alex. I looked over where a catwalk was and saw Alex, as clean as could be, making a leap of faith to the railing i was next to. I could of sworn he knew he wasn't going to make it. the catwalk scaffolding fell, and a roar sounded. I looked over the railing. It had fallen on the monster. 

Alex had caught on the railing last minute. I tried helping him, but the look he gave me stopped me from doing so. It was the look of defeat, defiance, sadness, and emptiness. He looked down below to see the monster, then up at me. he smiled, then let go. I screamed and tried reaching for him. I heard something CRACK and then a roar. I knew he had bought me some time, but I dint want to go. He was the last of the people i knew alive. He sacrificed himself so I could escape. I couldn't put such a sacrifice to waste, so I turned to open the door. It wouldn't open. I tried opening it in anyway i could think of. Still wouldn't budge. 

Alex's sacrifice would be vain. I fell on the floor on my knees and closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable. I could hear the monster roar and I could hear its claws as it skittered up to where i was. I Felt its hot breath on my face. After a minute or so, i realized it wasn't doing anything. I opened my eyes and looked up, Only to see..

Me. Staring back at me. Drenched in blood. With a fucking scary smile on my/her face. In her hands was Alex's head.

I opened my mouth to scream.  Nothing came out. My counterpart opened her mouth, only to lunge at me with her incredibly long and sharp claws and teeth. I raised my arms in a feeble chance top protect myself. Nothing came, yet again, but i could hear her, laughing. It was inhuman, and it sent chills up my spine. 

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a dream like state again, but instead of me and Alex in a hallway, we were before, on that landing on the staircase. but instead of a monster racing up the stairs, there was nothing.And Alex looked up at me with fear. Like I was the monster. He backed up till his back ht the railing, and I could see him trembling. And I Loved it. I loved seeing him cower in fear. I felt myself grin, grin like how my counterpart did before she lunged at me. 

Was I her now? Or was she me? Were we the same?

I walked towards Alex, slowly. He looked behind him, which was then when i struck him. He fell backwards, and clung to the railing with all his might. When I looked over the railing, I knew why. Below us was a bottom less pit, but you could see fire licking at the sides of the pit. If one fell, they were sure to have a slow and painful and antagonizing death.

Alex looked up at me, then down at the pit, then back up at me. With a look of defiance, he let go. I felt myself sneer as he fell. He chose that over me. Was I disappointed that i wasn't able to kill him myself? I felt myself collapsing.

When I came to again, i was in an extremely familiar room. A child's room. 

My room when I was younger. I couldn't remember which house it was, though. I saw me, the child me, over by the toys, talking to little fairies and.. The scary me, the one who had Alex's head. She was kneeled next to Child me, grinning, showing razor sharp teeth. Child me didn't take notice of it, or didn't even mind. I could feel myself in all three places, I could see what the other me's could see.

Me who was sitting on her ass staring in disbelief at what she was seeing.

Child me who was playing with her toys while she was talking to her friends and the nice scary lady who came often.

And Other me, who watched child me play while she thought of how she killed child me's parents.

I couldn't believe it. Other me looked over at where I was, then Child me and the faeries looked over. Child me started to tremble, then screamed. 

All went white.

I woke up on Child me's bed, all alone in the attic room.  I looked around. Everything was just the way it was when i was a child, but all neat and orderly. The only door was welded shut, for some reason being metal. there where scratch marks on the walls, and someone wrote "GO DIE MONSTER!!!" on the walls. I got up, the wooden floor boards beneath me creaking. I saw the room flash with fire, then i was suddenly in a car, laying in the backseat. I heard someone crying, and someone else yelling. But it was all incoherent.

Next thing i knew, I was a wolf like creature, attacking a monster that looked suspiciously like the one I saw in the beginning, but it was orange, and it stood taller than a bid barn. It had many mouths and kind of looked like seaweed. I attacked it, Roaring, screaming, whatever, with all my might. I had began eating it, which apparently was the only way to kill it. It screamed and thrashed around as i killed it bit by bit, before whatever remains collapsed, its blood spurting out like a never ending waterfall. I had done that to save a fuzzy purple boar that looked like a cat. 

Still wolf like, I looked up at the sky which suddenly became dark and cloudy. It began to rain blood.

[END]

HNNNNGGG. It's like a clusterfuck of dreams. And it wasn't that many DX Sorry 'bout that, I just want to get all these down and done and over with so I can start on some other stuff (and have a dream update when I need to. Nothing too crazy like this. You'll see when I get there :/ ) 

I hope you all had a pleasant weekend.

regards,
aXn

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Intro?

Well. Here I am. Blogging. You can blame my obsession with documenting things. I like to be able to look back at things. Not only that, but I ran out of space in my journal. Which is little and red. Thus the name of this blog. How original of me.

This is also going to be used as a reference for me in future dates. Reference for what? Well, that's something you don't need to know about.

Anyway, I guess I should introduce myself, or something.

 Where to start. Well, I guess you can say that I'm just your average teenager, minus that creepy obsession with romance and all that related shit that you see everyone shoving down their throats. Now isn't that optimistic. I guess you can call me an optimistic pessimist. What an oxymoron :P

I'm a budding artist, all self taught, but I'm not all that good compared to many many other artists out there. Oh well. I guess you could say it's just used as vent for my emotions now a days. It's all I ever draw about. But I find that's because of my lack of creativity.

I'm a big fan of horror. Like, a REALLY big fan. So much to the point which I'll stay up till the ass crack of dawn reading creepypasta, or a blog involving a certain slender figure. Those are the best. I'd bet you anything that's why I have insomnia. But my addiction the horror also contributes to the fact that I'm a little weird. Like, really weird. But I guess that's the norm for the interwebz.

Here's an interesting fact: I have nightmares almost every night. Woke up from one this morning. I quite literally jumped. My heart was pounding like you wouldn't believe. When I look back at it, I was scared half to death by the lights going out. In my dream that is. Seriously. When dreaming, everything makes sense. You wake up, BAM! you're like "WTF?! that was weird".

Oh jeez, I'm tired as hell. Couldn't get to sleep 'till around freaking two in the morning. Not only that, but my little friend the Nightmare decided to wake and keep me up at seven. Doesn't seem like much, but I have to babysit. At eight. See where this is going? That's what? Less than or equal top five hours of sleep. Yes, I'm complaining. But it's justified. In my eyes, at least. I haven't been able to get a good nights rest in weeks. My eyes hurt because I'm so tiredHHNNNNNNGGGGGHHHHH.

I guess that's it for now, my lovely non-existent readers. I feel like bashing my head on the wall.

regards,
aXn


btw, massive sideburns are awesome. Just had to throw that in there :P