You know that rubber cement I said I bought a gazillion posts ago? Well, I fished it out from under the junk on my desk, and now I want to use it and stick things together. Did I mention it's flammable? That's something I'm going to have to check out.
()
In other news, I think there might be others in this town that know of Mr Tall and Faceless. Why? Well, last Friday, I think it was (sometime last week), I was walking downtown with my friend, and we saw quite a bunch of Operator symbols drawn in chalk on the ground, in strange places (ie. Front of an alley, the curb of an intersection, in the middle of the sidewalk, etc.). I know it was in chalk, cause the snow has been melting and when I went downtown Saturday, all the symbols were gone. Hurray? IDK. Doesn't bother me all that much, I suppose. Kind of reminds me of the time when I was (rather excitedly) telling my friend about Entry #35 when it came out, when she was getting breakfast at school, and one kid behind us gave me a knowing look/smirk/whatever (I knew because I wasn't facing forward, kind of turned around but not). Sooo yeah. Thank you for only existing in my head :D

So, I've been getting headaches a lot as of late. Like, a lot. At least I'm not coughing as much. I still cough here and there. More like a "HO SHIT THE AIR MAKES MY LUNGS iTCHY!!" cough rather than a "ÄHSDKFHS IKFHSK SHF Ñ Ö:L:EFO:EF SR":GPDR F"GP:DF kfd jsglkfhj skjfhjd GAAHHHHH MY INTERNAL ORGANS THAT DO STUUUFFFF!!!!!".  Kellie has been getting them, too. Harrible.

BLEAH.

Had a weird dream last night. Something about being chased by a pissed of ex-con bus driver in the dark, my siblings being tortured and killed because they were gypsies (by Frollo from HoND, no less) in front of me, and last but not least, something about me being an accomplice to a thief/or something who went by the name of "X". All these weird things taking place in dark places. Brain, I applaud you for your "originality", but sometimes you just go too far.

I don't really have much else to say, 'cept that these pretzels I'm eating are kickass, and that I want some pickles. xD random. I'll prolly edit in something later when I have something to say. DERp.

regards,
aXn

DREAM OF people doing stuff :P

If I remember correctly, I started out in this warehouse like place, and there was a lot machinery/large pipes/all this creepy shit that I swear Ive seen before (either in a dream or in RL). I'm with these other people, and we are looking for something/being chased by something. Not sure what. Something happens (and thinking about it now, I'm getting scared. I guess it was a monster?) and I wake up on the side of the road.

It's all cloudy out and looks like it's going to rain. I try to run to the nearest gas station/convenience, but never get there. This transitions to this dojo like place (idk how to describe it. It's like a mini city/village, but all one main building?), and in this place, these people take others in who I'm guessing have no where to go and teach them some sort of self defense (but using something like magic, but not quit. soul power? hell if I can remember). It (the teachings) were a mixture of physical and mental fighting, and I remember if it wasn't using a body part to attack, you used handsigns and whatever happened.

So I was brought there, or something, and I'm being taught with others how to do this stuff, and when I'm not being taught, I'm around helping people do things (as I was typing this line, memory flashed in my mind of a woman. I get mixed feelings from her.) that they need to do.

At one point, while me and a few other 'students' were practicing with each other in the outside courtyard, some guy came and attacked them all (I'm not quite sure if this is how it happened. big blank on details), but I know that eventually all but me and the all powerful guy (who now I'm sure was wanted dead or alive at this point) were the only ones outside, as the others either were stuck inside only to helplessly watch me and my novice-ness get my ass handed to me, or they left me out there to fend for myself.

This fight itself I don't really remember much details of, but I do know that I could jump high, dodge, run fast, all that stuff. I had thrown some punches at him, and tried summoning something, but panics because I just couldn't (he casted something to make me forget?) At one point, the guy pins me down. Stomach first on the ground, he had my arms pinned to my back, and he was holding my head to the ground with his other hand. He had forced my head to look towards the windows where I could see my peers watching, and for a second looked like they were dying/screaming, but they were just banging on the windows. Which wouldn't break. It got very quiet, and the guy teleported away from me. I got up, and the guy said to me something about how quite it was (Hear how quiet it is?). I had looked aroud, and everything had gotten blurry. Next thing I know, I had defeated the guy, and everyone was congratulating me, and one point I told someone that "I didn't do anything" (referring to me beating the guy). I dunno.

After, I had climbed one of the giant trees and hung up there, listening/watching people go by, and I saw the council elders, and I heard them talk about me. I can't remember what they were saying, but I know it wasn't good for me.

I dunno why, but the whole day, when thinking about this dream, I've gotten emotional over it, like there's a big connection to it, and I feel like there's somethng big/important that I'm missing about it. It (the dream) feels all too familiar to me. :P

regards,
aXn

EDIT: I wonder why all that originally came out as something equivalent to subscript. 

Punctuation, People. Use it.

rantrantrant.

So I don't know about you people, but I'm getting real sick and tired of trying to decipher sentences that use no punctuation, something like this: "oh hey guys I won't be on for a while I hope you all have a nice vacation oh guess what I'm going over to San Diego to visit my Aunt and Uncle it's going to be great I can't wait to leave but I don't like airplanes because this one time my seat was taken blah blah omg did you see that one show on tv last night it was even better than Lost or even maybe that one show that's always on nine what do you guys think I think it's so cool I hope something amazing happens blah blah blahblahblah". I know that this is the internet, but I see in "real life" as well. That's kind of pathetic. Seriously. -explodes-

In other, less ranty news, I had a very strange dream last night. I'll put it on later.

Also: I hate sleep overs. I really really do. Very much. It just breaks my normal routine so bad. But whatever.

regards,
aXn

Excuse me while I go crawl in a corner (and rant on a bajillion of topics for no reason but to bother you)

...and pretend that the world is a better place. Excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in Monsters.


So I guess money is worth more than a life. Not just a human life. ANY kind of living being. Huh. I knew I wasn't worth much, but damn. Well, there's the world for you. Who cares if we can't afford to live, right? I mean, why would the fat cats care if the mice are starving?  hahahahaha listen to me rambling on about stuff i dont know much about because i live under a rock and hardly ever watch tv or do things that any "normal" person would. i mean, what do i know? im just your average stupid american teenager who will account for nothing in life because we are stupid, right? thats what people tell me, anywho. 


I hope and pray for the best for Japan. pleasepleaseplease don't meltdown, reactors. PLEASE. No one wants to have another Chernobyl. Especially if it's Japan we're talking about. I mean, them Japanese are like, so cool. And smart. yeh. Sending my prayers and best regards. I have a feeling somethings going to go down this week. I just hope it's just stress speaking and not my gut.

In other, semi depressing news: my friend was in a car accident with his mom Friday night. His mom was killed. He's severely injured (12 broken bones: both feet, both femur bones and his right arm). I visited him Sunday night. Not bad, but not good condition. He's up and conscious, has eaten, and has full recollection of what happened. Poor kid. Best regards and prayers to him to. It seems the world is mean this month. (and I don't blame the world one bit)

So, my friends being, well, them, have told me something interesting. A possible WW3. What. Please, no. We're already in the shitter. Why more war? This all just feels like a horribly infected wound that has that stingy feeling that makes you feel greasy, crusty, and like shit. Guh.

Thank you parents, for bringing me into a world (more like country) that hates us all. Yes. I'm complaining. I'm moaning and groaning about my problems while others have it way worse than I. Yep. Totally true. Thank you headache for brightening my day.



I can tell I'm going to have a hard night sleeping. Last time I was loaded with caffeine and took sleeping pills, I had horrible nightmares and kept waking up. Well, lets see how I fare with 260 mL of Monster in my system. Oh jeez. Well, I'm going to have to sleep sometime. DERP.

I had this post (not this one) I was writing in all planned out to release on Saturday, but things got in the way. I'll post it up eventually. Maybe. Yes. Maybe.


aargrergksfhkjsghhjsg jsghfjsfgimsotiredbutistillhaveenglishhomeworktofinishaahhhhitssohardtypinglikethisihavetofighttheimpulsetopressthespacebarhhnnnggngngjedghkfhkjhfaskjgasjgasjhfgsjdg

regards,
aXn

p.s.  BOOKS. ARE. delicious.


EDIT
Just remembered. I'm officially an idiot. Ok, story time :D


So I was in my last class of the day, and we're taking notes on the Cold War and all that jazz, and the teacher (who is so cool in her own right) tells this kid (who's really quiet, but he's really smart and whatnot) that she's going to get him a hair clip thingy so we can see his face (his hair covers like, half his face) so she the teacher knows if he's sleeping or not (cause it looks like he is sleeping half the time), and he tells her that he's like a dolphin and sleeps with half a hemisphere. I kinda got what he said (I know the hemisphere he speaks of is half the brain). And then he's all "Oh yeah, I forgot I was surrounded by idiots." Not very nice, mind you. i wish I had my mp3 recording at the time. Then I could get a transcript. :P

Nightmare ramblings, little bit of ARG, and more ranting galore

Excuse me while I stop freaking out. 

wait. Never mind. That was yesterday. Let me explain.

Ok, so, I've started to take some sleeping pills to help me get to sleep (ie Tylenol PM or whatever it is). You know, over the counter shit. First night was perfect. I got to sleep instantly. Amazing. After years of tossing and turning, this was the first I ever had that didn't include forever and a day of waiting forever to get to sleep. I was, to say in short, in an extremely good mood the next day, and actually awake and not falling asleep in class. All fine and dandy on all fronts. Yes.

Then came a few nights ago (well, monday night). I took my pill (I only take one. I have an extreme distrust towards any sort of medicine) and moseyed off to bed. But obviously somethings was wrong. Why else would I really get all dramatic over it? ANYWAy. It took me a little while to get to sleep that night. When I say a little, I mean a few hours of trying to find that spot that my body decides to be the resting place of the night. That in itself wasn't the issue. The issue was me constantly waking up. And the endless stream of nightmares. as well as something else that's been freaking me out. I'm sure you all know how it goes when you have a nightmare and when you go back to sleep (if you wake from it, of course) there's that off chance of having a double dose.

So for the past day and a half, I've been trying to fit all the pieces together. Yeah. I can hardly remember the full story on any of the nightmares. There were just so many, that Monday night/Tuesday morning felt like an eternity. Monday's classes felt like they happened years ago. And it's only Wednesday. The Timeline may not be entirely accurate. I don't know which happened when and what not, but I'll do my best to get it right. Also, I don't know all the times I woke up. So I'll mark it as unknown. [I'm probably missing some things]


Time: Unknown
Event: Dream: I was in someones house, and it was dark, like the power had been out, but it was daytime outside. I remember there being this hallway that was abnormally dark, so dark it was unnatural. I had avoided that hallway for the most part, I can tell you that. I had been.. searching for something. Something about that house was just.. wrong. I vaguely remember meeting/talking with the house's owner in a bedroom with a bunk bed. The room itself was abnormally dark, like the hallway, yet there was sunlight shining outside, but not quite coming through the window. I couldn't see the persons face, but I know he had bushy/curly-ish hair. Most everything else is blurry, but I vaguely recall finding one of my desk lamps and using it to light the abnormally dark hallway. There was something about a small table, and a large vent grate on the wall (like the ones in Half Life 1-2 ). I think I was trying to get behind the grate. I'm not too sure.

Time: 1 AM
Event: I woke up. My room was really warm again, regardless that it was very cold outside, and that my heater was set to low. I got up to check the time on my PSP. Went back to bed. Was on my right side facing the wall, when, I swear on my life, no, on this freaking planet, that something touched my back. Lower back, along the spine. I swear. It didn't feel.. right. I don't really know how to explain it. And you know what my brain registered it as? A tendril/tentacle whatever. Yes, my mind decided to give me the mental picture of a tendril of bright yellow/white colors. Hurray for hallucinations! not. Scared me half to death. Eventually got back to sleep.

Dream: Something about excavating a system of tunnels. Transitioned to me in POV of Issac Clark (something like that. Not entirely sure of what was going on and to who), who was stuck in a dark, abandoned warehouse, fighting Necromrophs. The slashers, I think. Then it transitioned to me in the same place, but I was running from something, in total darkness.

Time: Quarter of 2 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still very warm. Got up to check time, as well as to make sure that the heater was on low (I had thought that it was on higher and was the cause of the excess warmth. It was not). It was in fact on low. Went back to bed. Swear I saw something dark/black by my door, like a mass of awkward limbs all crouched together in, well, you guessed it, a crouch. Or something resembling that. I know it wasn't there before. I'm sure of it, cause I know I didn't see it last night (or any other time than the one that is being described). Eventually got to sleep.

Dream: Was in a mall like place with a few friends (?), looking for music boxes. Found two (I remember one of them played a song from FF7:CC or something, the other played kind of menacing (?) music) and bought them. I was then exiting by myself into the very crowded mallway (get it? mallway? as in mall hallway?), when some guy who looked like Frollo from the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" started following me, and it got to the point where he was chasing me. The people in the crowd either stood idly by, not doing anything, or were walking, and those who were walking, I passed right through them like they were ghosts. I was running in slomo, but not, like you know how in a dream you are running, but no matter how hard you try, you just can't go fast enough and it feels like something is holding you down. Yeah, like that. Well, I had gotten to the doors that led outside and got out, but he was right behind me and stabbed me in the back. I saw this in 3rd person. He left and I fell to the ground, bleeding a lot, like to death. There were people there, just standing there idly, staring at me. Doing absolutely nothing. Like they didn't care if I died.

Time: Unknown
Event: Woke up. Possibly looked out the window. Didn't stay awake long.

Dream: I was in an RPG like era. When I saw that, I saw the world in that not-quite-birds-eye-view-but-close. I had gone MIA, and my friend was looking for me. There was something about Green crystals. The big thing that stood out/I remember is me (in my POV) being in a battle of some sorts, and I was a high commander or something. I distinctly remember an enemy came and killed one of my friends right in front of me, and in turn, through my being in shock and some possible tears, I stabbed him in the neck with a bow (cause I was out of arrows?). He didn't even resist. Like he wanted me to kill him.

Time: Around 3 AM
Event: Woke up. Room still warm. Afraid to go back to sleep.

Dream: Mountain biking or snowmobiling with my dad. I was looking for something. People kept on disappearing. Not much details on this one.

Time: some time after 3 AM
Event: woke up. surprised I didn't even sleep half an hour.

Dream: I had my old Las Vegas cell phone. I was in a very dark room, and was trying to get the phone to light up (so it wouldn't be so dark), but it wouldn't work. The phone worked, but the LCD wouldn't turn on and illuminate stuff. I kept trying and trying, and I even tried turning on the mp3 player that was in the phone (cause that always turns the screen real bright) but it just wouldn't work.

Time: Unknown
Event: Unsure if I actually woke up. Think I did.

Time: Unknown
Event: Same as above. I think I had dreamed about waking up or something. Unsure.

Time: around 5 AM
Event: Woke up. Sad that I had only and hour until I had to really wake up and get ready for schoolage.



Alright. So that pretty much sums Monday night/yesterday morning. All yesterday I was highly irritable. I kept snapping at people (mainly friends who kept wanting to give me fucking hugs when they know I HATE hugs), which I apologized to today. I was stuck in a horrid mood, and I was scared of coming back home. All day I kept feeling that it was eternity since Monday. I still do.

It's like my perception of time is all screwed up :/

So I told Kellie all about my dreams and my little late night hallucinations, and she said "I think it's because you are afraid to be lonely. [You're dreams] pretty much have to do with people leaving you all alone." I think she's right. I'm also slightly afraid of the dark. But why harass me now, dreams? And for the whole 'I got touched by something and I saw something by my door', she said she thinks my house is haunted. I think either I'm just going crazy, or I need to lay off the sleeping pills. Or something. I dunno. I didn't get much sleep last night, and had some strange dreams, but I don't currently remember them. Had an OK day. But not the best. But it rained today. And it's supposed to be around 50 tomorrow. Which makes me a happy person. I hope it rains tomorrow.



Oh, on a last note, while being totally bored over the weekend (as well as me wanting to be part of that certain slender based ARG, but I can't since I'm shit at story telling and picture making), I made something I'd think a "proxy" would give to someone being stalked, or something like that. But this proxy would have to be artistic. And have a fire source. Because I did some burning. And inside the "envelope" smells like something burnt. AKA paper. and maybe a few matches. Among other things. It's pretty cool, in my opinion. I sowed it together with an operator symbol, and a Roman Numeral 7. I'll show some pics.

Back side. Did this one first (so the ribbon
would stay together, as well as the fact I
was excited to do something like this XD )

Front side
I was originally going to do another Operator
Symbol, but the first one I had gotten
frustrated with because I kept getting
off track with the circle (had no preset
image to go off of). Then I got this whole
idea of whomever getting this would be the "7th"
Victim, so to say. Kind of like in Silent Hill 4.

So I made an envelope out of some black "artagain" paper I have lying around (that I've hardly used XD ) and some metal tape to hold it together. Then, after "decorating" ir with my silver marker pens, and filled it up with stuffs (some of which are burnt), I ribboned it together. It's not like I have anything to do with the ribbon anyway. Might as well as use it. And the thread I used, I think is for embroidery, as it isn't all that strong. And it's shiny. Kind of. Oh well. I'm not all that good at this stuff. So yeah. (looking at this reminds me of some pages in House of Leaves. Except in HoL, it's way more confusing. I'm talking about the page layout. lol.)

I need a hobby or something. I can't keep burning things (well, that could be debatable). And I got to stop making things that will never really have any use to them. *coughenvelopethingcough*

excuse me while my internal organs explode.

regards,
aXn

Nightmares galore

Guess what I had last night? Two fucking nightmares, that's what. >:1 I'm not amused. They both woke me up.

[FIRST]
This one, if I remember correctly, was based off of the everymanHYBRID cast. Ok, so I was with Vinnie, Jeff and Evan, and we were in someones house. I don't know who it belonged to, but I remember it being dark. We did something in the main area of the house (something about stairs), but what was more important happened in a bedroom. Nothing X-rated. I was in a swivel chair at a desk, Vinnie was next to me on another chair, and Jeff was on the bed. Evan was MIA at this point. I think I might of had a video camara with me. So at this point, the room was semi dark, everything was in a kind of grey scale, and we heard something under the bed. Well, lo and behold, Evan was under there, but he was growling like some feral animal, and he crawled out from under the bed, and was twitching everywhere. He came out little more than halfway, grabbed Jeff's feet/ankles, and dragged him under the bed. He (jeff) was clawing at the ground while he was being pulled. Kinda looked like the cover of Quarantine. I think Vin went either MIA or was dragged down with Jeff, cause next thing I know, he's not there, and I see an arm/torso kinda sticking out from the bed, tangled in blankets (that are still one with the bed). I had already identified it as Evan (however that was possible), and I tried to pull him out via me pulling on his arm. He started twitching like before, and did the crawling thing to get out from under the bed. He got out all the way and kind of just idled for a few seconds, then looked at me, and his head started to "bobble". Hard to explain. But I had seen that his eyes and mouth had been, well, I don't really know what to call it, but it was like the skin was melted/welded together. So he pretty much had no eyes and no mouth anymore, just a vicious and creepy ass scar.

And I woke up. It was like.. 2:30 in the morning. Kind of creeped out partly because the image of Evan was still fresh in my mind, and partly because every time I wake from a nightmare, I think there's something in my room that shouldn't be there.

anyway. Onto the next one!

[LAST]
 I was in Vegas with my friend Amelia. And since I used to live in Vegas, I offered to show Amelia around a little bit. I believe we were down at the Strip (or something equivalent to that), looking at all the shops (that, for some reason, replaced all the casinos). Amelia found a bakery like place, and wanted something. I turned around for not even a minute to look at something, and BAM, Amelia was gone. Just like that. And I promised to her dad that I'd make sure she was safe. Hard to do when you don't know where she is, in the middle of Vegas. VEGAS. SIN CITY! I was sure that I was going to get murdered viciously. So I went on a crazy look about for Amelia ALL OVER the place. I even left the Strip a few times to see if she left or not. I couldn't find her anywhere. Then, I hear my sister has gone missing. So I balance out looking for Amelia with looking for my sister (who is an adult already). At some point, I found this.. piece of jewelry or something in a plastic package, like it was just bought. It reminded me of my sister (and it was apparently hers). So more searching, and I had found this.. huge block of ice, and I heard screaming and growls coming from it, as well as a horrible feeling from it. There was a hole in the side, and lo and behold, my sister was in it. A tearful reunion ensued, and when I showed her the packaged thing, she freaked and told me to NEVER open it. Fun. So I still had Amelia to find. I went back to the shop she was last seen, and there she was. Looking right at me. So I had gone up to her and practically screamed at her "Where the hell were you?! Where did you go?!". Stuff like that. She never answered me though.

I think I woke up at 5 this time. I dunno.

Thank you nightmares. I will forever now be afraid to look under my bed. >:I

In other news, I'm to hang with mt friend Haley today. After kidsitting though. I can't wait to move out.

regards,
aXn

Ok. So, last night, I was in bed, trying to get to sleep. I was on my side, all warm, comfy, and wrapped up in my blanket. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, I hear this snap that kind of rung, like a small bell of something, which was accompanied by this rush of energy and a flash of white. An I heard someone or something say Either "Tyler"or "turn around". It sounded like the first, but after mulling over it it sounds like the second as well. That had freaked me out, and my bed didn't feel very comfortable/safe that much anymore. So I rolled over to my other side, and tried to get to sleep. Then I felt this depression under me, as if there was something stepping on my bed where I was laying at. Didn't last that long. And, to top it all off, at some point after I rolled over, I heard a male voice say something. I can't exactly remember what, but I think it was a subject pronoun. In laymans terms, he, she it, etc. And it was quite close to my ear. D:

I'm going to mark it off as late night delusions. To not get creeped out/scared of my room. Yeah. Let's just leave it as that.

So, when I was walking home, there was this very light mist that started to accumulate on the ground. I think it was about 3 feet high, and not very dense. It was pretty cool. Too bed I didn't take any pictures. My camera is pretty much dead, since I neglect to recharge the batteries. Yeah.

The silence was pretty awkward today. I don't think it was ever this awkward before. Maybe she is right. Maybe we are all separating. Well, she and I are still pretty close. But that's besides the point. And your gf. She saw us walking down the street. But why did she call out to me and not you? Aren't you guys together? I found that very odd. I still do. I also saw at lunch. You.. you didn't even talk to us, yet when gf came by, you immediately perked up. This is starting to become a recurring thing. You're all mellow and silent around us, but around gf, you're a totally different person. Is it right for me to feel like you've been using me? You've been like this for a long time. When I said I could act as a human journal, I didn't mean you could use me without care, then toss me away like an old, broken tool. I guess it is partly my fault, as well. 

The more I think about it, the more I hate it. And the more I hate it, the more clouded my logic becomes. I don't want this to end on a sour note. I don't even want to end this friendship. But it's like we're never there for each other anymore. You never communicate with me, hardly answer my texts or calls. I get it. You don't want to talk to me. I get it. But I don't want this to be goodbye.

regards,

aXn

I'm feeling a little twitchy

My cat is so strange. We (well, more like I was) were playing peekaboo. She was sitting, doing cat stuff, and I'd peek around the corner. She'd look at me with her big cat eyes, and do that tilt-thy-head thing cats do. Did that for a few minutes, then my dad came home, and she walked away. She's getting quite fat. Heheh, chubby kitty.


So I was walking home today, like every other day, but alone for like.. half the trip. Reason to that was my friend (person A) missed her bus, so I waited with her 'till she was picked up. We had to wait a little over a half hour, and the friend (person B) I walk with decided to walk her gf home (I'm telling you, she's pushing us - her friends- away, in favor of whoever she dates.), which shortly after person A's ride came. Then I got to walk home. I saw person B with gf. Damn do they walk slow. Of course gf realized I was behind them (albeit, quite a few yards away) and they waited for me and my merry self to catch up. They are SO SLOW. And of course, person A was all happy-go-lucky with gf (never that way with us). Felt like an unneeded extension. Walked the rest of the way alone when we separated (gf's house comes before mine). ANYWAY, the main point I wanted to bring up, was, well, when I was walking alone (and a little with the other two), I swear I heard footsteps, trying to mimic my pace. As if someone was following me. I heard it when I walked into my driveway.  chink clink chink clink following me all the way home. At one point I looked behind me, but saw no one. I swear there was someone there though. :1 Whatever. I'll stop ranting about it now.


In other news, I had the worst headache ever. Started 3rd period, and lasted the rest of the day. It was so bad that I couldn't concentrate at points. Jeezum,

And when I got home, I couldn't seem to be able to take in enough water. I was chugging a crapton of water, and couldn't seem to get enough, like something was telling me I needed more, WAY more. fvrjbjvefvbdfhjb djhvbjfb djhbdj fdj djvd

I'm gunna go find something else to eat. I'm still crazy hungry even after waffles and cereal. 3333e3e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e33e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e3e3e333e3e33e33e3e33e3

regards,
aXn

OH JEEZ WHY ARE YOU STUCK IN MY HEAD?

>.>
Seriously. But I don't know. I've grown quite attached to this song.

Zilch on the attention span here

Good day today I suppose. Got to play with acid in Chem today. We were identifying substances as Metals, Nonmetals, or Metalloids. Got to use CuCl₂ as well as hydrochloric acid to test the chemical reactivity in the materials. Twas fun :P

Been reading House of Leaves as of late. Was reading it a little today in my opens. Is it me, or is it a little hard to read? I mean, I can read, it's just that it takes me forever to finish a page. Maybe it's because of all those freaking footnotes that's there. I know I don't necessarily have to read all them, but I do. FFF. I'm intrigued by this book. I don't really know why.

I don't really have much to say today. Which is weird, considering. I guess, due to lack of material, I'll keep writing in thios post as the night progresses.

I have a few strange dreams over the past few days. You could say.

First one, is one of those wacky "OMG first day of school lulz" kind of dreams that I find are common during the few nights before school starts up. Only this time I'm going with my sister. I remember waiting for her and Grandma to get ready and bring us there. Then the actual school was a giant person, and we the students were like individual cells. There was this slide to get in the school, which did crazy twists and turns. I think I got stuck behind a trio of people. Then I remember trying to escape or something, but ended up going down through the vocal chords. WEIRD.

(I'll put the other ones on here later when I have more time)

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So Family went out for dinner. Just came back. Went to Margaritas. Love that place. I kept eating the salsa that came with the chips they give you. Twas spicy, but I don't care :D
 I had some enchiladas. My dad compared me to a wild animal because I ate the "insides and left the rest of the carcass alone". XD Was fun. Played with the Wikki Stix. I make the most random things. One time I made a margarita (with the lime and all) and a vase with a flower. This time I made a lolipop tree. I wanted to make a tree at first, but it failed, so I started making a lollipop, then it kind of progressed into a tree XD Next time, though, I'm making a bar with stools, drinks, bartender, and a drunk guy. Granted they let me have multiple packs of the W-sticks. They usually do. They know us well enough lol


I realized I like reading long posts (and writing them too). Prolly cause I like to see how people think/thought process/ how peeps do stuff. It's like I like to try and pick apart the inner thought processes and see what makes people tick. Prolly cause I wanna be a psychologist. idk what kind, but I want to have that knowledge. how people do things, how they work, fascinates me. It's a little creepy, but it's cool :P


I gotta finish up my math and Spanish Homework :/ At least both are relatively short assignments.

The memories pass by without any notice. What once was is now forgotten. Forever maybe. Or maybe just stored away deep within the refines of the mind. 

Here's something to dwell on

-insert huge sigh here-

I don't really how to word this, but.. I guess you can say I had the weirdest morning. But I can't really remember what happened clearly. So my little sister likes to wake up at the asscrack of dawn. So she woke me up (not on purpose) around.. 5:45 if I remember correctly. That's fine, as I usually go back to sleep, but I just didn't. Partly because she was being obnoxious and being loud. Usually that doesn't bother me. I've grown immune (to some degree) to a three year old's antics. But I stayed up, in this very.. lucid state. I didn't know if I was awake or not. My mind was all over the place. Mind you, I don't even know if my eyes were open or not.

  gunna cut out some details here because they're so stupid and kind of personal


So during my.. "state" of being awake but not(makes no sense), I.. well, I wouldn't really quite call hearing, more like I knew that there was this... ringing, and it made my "vision" (didn't know if my eyes were actually open or not) do funky things. It's hard to explain, but there was a big horizontal grey bar at the bottom of my sight with a small gap at the top (I'll put in a MS pic), but kind of stayed more towards the left. Like a distortion. And I felt this.. energy. It was weird. It was like.. hard to describe, but it's like drinking 10+ Monsters at the same time, but not getting the hyped up hyper feeling. Felt it twice.

Then, I kept dreaming (Wouldn't call it that per say) that I got up and told my stepmom that the little child was being noisy. Then I would dream that I would open my eyes, come to find out my eyes are actually closed, and it's really hard to open them. Then to top it all off, I had rolled onto my side at some point, and I couldn't breathe. It was like... being suffocated from the inside. Couldn't breathe from my nose so I opened my mouth, come to find out I was choking and couldn't take in any air. I.. I HATE the feeling of not being able to breathe. I guess it's just one of those primal fears. I don't know if any of it really actually happened, the "dreams"were so vivid and felt/seemed so real that I still don't really understand.

Not to mention, my room was super warm when I woke up. AGAIN. Even though it's cold outside. I don't know.

I guess for some good news, I cleaned my "ground zero" of a room and closet. I can actually see the whole floor now. Took me all afternoon and night to do it (because I'm a severe procrastinator).






























God. I feel so down. All fucking day I've felt horrid. I really don't know what it is.

 If I'm sick, I've been sick for weeks then. At times I feel like my skin is so hot to the touch, but it's all normal temperature. Then I get these fucking headaches that wont go away, even if I do take medicine or go crawl under the blankets/pillows. I don't have that bothersome cough anymore, but it does pop up sometimes. And I can't stomach food all that well.

If I'm becoming depressed again, well fuck.


Nothing really exciting to mention.

there's someone or something that's always there and i don't know what it is. is it malevolent? or is it not? does it just simply observe? does it want something?


so many questions, so little answers. 


regards,
aXn

Alright. Let's get down to business.

So, yesterday, I hung out with my friend John. At first, I didn't want to go. Usually it's how I respond, but I just needed to get out of the house. It was starting to get claustrophobic, and there was something that was setting off my nerves. Glad I went, though. Twas fun. Here's a weird thing that happened: When I was walking to where we were going to meet up, it was nice, warm, sunny, totally not wintery weather. The moment we met up, I kid you not, the temperature dropped at least 5 degrees, and got windy. John agrees with this. He said (when we were up by Borders and Gamestop) when he was walking ('scuse me, running) it was warm and stuff, then got cold :X Hot damn. ANYWAY. We first walked up to Gamestop. John wanted to preorder Pokémanz Black version (idk. I'm not into that, so i dunno). The cashier was so funny.

It went like this:

J: "Yeah, um, I'd like to preorder Pokémon Black."
C: "Are you sure you don't want to preorder.."
She turns around and grabs a case
C: "Pokémon Whack?"
It was the Black and White case covering thing.. cut in half and stuck to gather so both black and white versions were shown, and it said Whack ("wh" from white, "" ack" from black). We lol'd. hard. XD

Then, it started snowing.

After, we went to Borders. John got some Deathnote book thing.. (How to Read, I think it was called), which I had to help pay for. He was 5$ short. And being the nice friend I am, I helped him out. I got House of Leaves and some graphology book. HoF mainly since everyone is talking about it (in slender related places) and that I like horror. I read a few pages, but it was late at night, so I was too tired to focus (that, and MH entry 36 came out last night. Oh Jay, you amuse me so. ). Plus, I had started reading the graphology book. It's been something that I've been wanting to look into since I read a book my sister lent me. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called. I'll have to ask her when she comes out in a few weeks.


I feel bad for my sister. She shouldn't have to go through all that bullshit.


After Borders (and two police cars pulled up next to us when we were walking in the parking lot DX ) we went to Staples, where I got these cool sticky note/memo pads that go in a spiral. Then we went back downtown and went to CVS and Joann's (an arts and crafts store). There, I got some rubber cement and chenill stems (laymans terms: pipe cleaners). Quite awesome. And me being me, I brought my camara, which was a good thing. Got some kickass pics. Beware yourself for a clusterfuck of photos :p

Parking lot over by Borders. 

First outside-my-room Panoramic picture. I like this one. 

John told me "Quick! Take a picture of the sky before the clouds come back!"

This is also near where the police cars stopped by us.

Shot of this "alley" thing next to this old parking garage that recently reopened. 

I hate going on it.

Panoramic of part of the garage and part of the local museum.

This one's pretty cool.

 In Eagle Square by the Fountain. I'll have to take some pictures of it when the snow melts and they turn it back on. It's my favorite place to chill when there isn't a shit ton of snow.

Clock tower.. thing. Outside Eagle Square and across the street form the Capitol Building.

These two are part of the gate thing that leads to Eagle Square. It's actually in shape of a tree.

someday I'll get a shot from the front. It has a little gnome on it xD

These two shot near the church that's not too far from my house. The sun was setting. Couldn't miss up this chance like I did when I was still downtown.

MMM. yes. So, yesterday, I decided to update my FB profile pic. Cuz I haven't changed it in god knows how long. So, wanting to be different from everyone else doing a "oh hai look at me I perdy", I went a little.. creative. Kind of hard to see.

 One of my friends said it's creepy. I kinda agree xD


The other day (and up to this point to), I kept seeing something move behind me, from the reflection off my laptop screen. But the thing is, where I keep seeing movement, is where my closet door is and where my shelf thing is :/ WAT. And I keep seeing things in my peripherals. Something dark and moving. It might be because I'm still sickish, or maybe from a lack of sleep or something, but it's starting to freak me out. Just a little. Like right now, I saw something. And to make matters worse, the tacks on my walls look like they're squirming around like big black maggots. But they aren't. Nor do I have any black tacks. Fucking eyes. I hate you so.

Then, the other night, when I know for certain my parental units are in their room, I went to use the bathroom. Either the kitchen or dining room light was on, cause it wasn't pitch black, and I saw some white pale thing in my freaking bathroom door way, stock still, by the light switch. I nearly shat myself. It ended up being my stepmom, who thought I was my little sister getting out of bed. BUT STILL. I nearly had a fucking HEART ATTACK D': Goddamn.

Lately I've been sleeping with my hat on. I really don't know why. The other night, it was like something told me to put it on :p Then I really wanted to go outside and go for a walk or something like that. Regardless that it was midnight, and that I really needed to get to sleep. I guess that could tie in with me feeling very childish as of late. WEIRD.

..I keep feeling as if I'm forgetting something. Just watch. I'll post this, and I'll go "D'oh! I knew I forgot something!" then proceed to either edit this post or open up notepad and write down what I forgot :1 Yep.

regards,
aXn