Ok. So, last night, I was in bed, trying to get to sleep. I was on my side, all warm, comfy, and wrapped up in my blanket. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, I hear this snap that kind of rung, like a small bell of something, which was accompanied by this rush of energy and a flash of white. An I heard someone or something say Either "Tyler"or "turn around". It sounded like the first, but after mulling over it it sounds like the second as well. That had freaked me out, and my bed didn't feel very comfortable/safe that much anymore. So I rolled over to my other side, and tried to get to sleep. Then I felt this depression under me, as if there was something stepping on my bed where I was laying at. Didn't last that long. And, to top it all off, at some point after I rolled over, I heard a male voice say something. I can't exactly remember what, but I think it was a subject pronoun. In laymans terms, he, she it, etc. And it was quite close to my ear. D:

I'm going to mark it off as late night delusions. To not get creeped out/scared of my room. Yeah. Let's just leave it as that.

So, when I was walking home, there was this very light mist that started to accumulate on the ground. I think it was about 3 feet high, and not very dense. It was pretty cool. Too bed I didn't take any pictures. My camera is pretty much dead, since I neglect to recharge the batteries. Yeah.

The silence was pretty awkward today. I don't think it was ever this awkward before. Maybe she is right. Maybe we are all separating. Well, she and I are still pretty close. But that's besides the point. And your gf. She saw us walking down the street. But why did she call out to me and not you? Aren't you guys together? I found that very odd. I still do. I also saw at lunch. You.. you didn't even talk to us, yet when gf came by, you immediately perked up. This is starting to become a recurring thing. You're all mellow and silent around us, but around gf, you're a totally different person. Is it right for me to feel like you've been using me? You've been like this for a long time. When I said I could act as a human journal, I didn't mean you could use me without care, then toss me away like an old, broken tool. I guess it is partly my fault, as well. 

The more I think about it, the more I hate it. And the more I hate it, the more clouded my logic becomes. I don't want this to end on a sour note. I don't even want to end this friendship. But it's like we're never there for each other anymore. You never communicate with me, hardly answer my texts or calls. I get it. You don't want to talk to me. I get it. But I don't want this to be goodbye.

regards,

aXn

I'm feeling a little twitchy

My cat is so strange. We (well, more like I was) were playing peekaboo. She was sitting, doing cat stuff, and I'd peek around the corner. She'd look at me with her big cat eyes, and do that tilt-thy-head thing cats do. Did that for a few minutes, then my dad came home, and she walked away. She's getting quite fat. Heheh, chubby kitty.


So I was walking home today, like every other day, but alone for like.. half the trip. Reason to that was my friend (person A) missed her bus, so I waited with her 'till she was picked up. We had to wait a little over a half hour, and the friend (person B) I walk with decided to walk her gf home (I'm telling you, she's pushing us - her friends- away, in favor of whoever she dates.), which shortly after person A's ride came. Then I got to walk home. I saw person B with gf. Damn do they walk slow. Of course gf realized I was behind them (albeit, quite a few yards away) and they waited for me and my merry self to catch up. They are SO SLOW. And of course, person A was all happy-go-lucky with gf (never that way with us). Felt like an unneeded extension. Walked the rest of the way alone when we separated (gf's house comes before mine). ANYWAY, the main point I wanted to bring up, was, well, when I was walking alone (and a little with the other two), I swear I heard footsteps, trying to mimic my pace. As if someone was following me. I heard it when I walked into my driveway.  chink clink chink clink following me all the way home. At one point I looked behind me, but saw no one. I swear there was someone there though. :1 Whatever. I'll stop ranting about it now.


In other news, I had the worst headache ever. Started 3rd period, and lasted the rest of the day. It was so bad that I couldn't concentrate at points. Jeezum,

And when I got home, I couldn't seem to be able to take in enough water. I was chugging a crapton of water, and couldn't seem to get enough, like something was telling me I needed more, WAY more. fvrjbjvefvbdfhjb djhvbjfb djhbdj fdj djvd

I'm gunna go find something else to eat. I'm still crazy hungry even after waffles and cereal. 3333e3e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e33e3e3e33e3e3e3e3e3e3e333e3e33e33e3e33e3

regards,
aXn

OH JEEZ WHY ARE YOU STUCK IN MY HEAD?

>.>
Seriously. But I don't know. I've grown quite attached to this song.

Zilch on the attention span here

Good day today I suppose. Got to play with acid in Chem today. We were identifying substances as Metals, Nonmetals, or Metalloids. Got to use CuCl₂ as well as hydrochloric acid to test the chemical reactivity in the materials. Twas fun :P

Been reading House of Leaves as of late. Was reading it a little today in my opens. Is it me, or is it a little hard to read? I mean, I can read, it's just that it takes me forever to finish a page. Maybe it's because of all those freaking footnotes that's there. I know I don't necessarily have to read all them, but I do. FFF. I'm intrigued by this book. I don't really know why.

I don't really have much to say today. Which is weird, considering. I guess, due to lack of material, I'll keep writing in thios post as the night progresses.

I have a few strange dreams over the past few days. You could say.

First one, is one of those wacky "OMG first day of school lulz" kind of dreams that I find are common during the few nights before school starts up. Only this time I'm going with my sister. I remember waiting for her and Grandma to get ready and bring us there. Then the actual school was a giant person, and we the students were like individual cells. There was this slide to get in the school, which did crazy twists and turns. I think I got stuck behind a trio of people. Then I remember trying to escape or something, but ended up going down through the vocal chords. WEIRD.

(I'll put the other ones on here later when I have more time)

------
So Family went out for dinner. Just came back. Went to Margaritas. Love that place. I kept eating the salsa that came with the chips they give you. Twas spicy, but I don't care :D
 I had some enchiladas. My dad compared me to a wild animal because I ate the "insides and left the rest of the carcass alone". XD Was fun. Played with the Wikki Stix. I make the most random things. One time I made a margarita (with the lime and all) and a vase with a flower. This time I made a lolipop tree. I wanted to make a tree at first, but it failed, so I started making a lollipop, then it kind of progressed into a tree XD Next time, though, I'm making a bar with stools, drinks, bartender, and a drunk guy. Granted they let me have multiple packs of the W-sticks. They usually do. They know us well enough lol


I realized I like reading long posts (and writing them too). Prolly cause I like to see how people think/thought process/ how peeps do stuff. It's like I like to try and pick apart the inner thought processes and see what makes people tick. Prolly cause I wanna be a psychologist. idk what kind, but I want to have that knowledge. how people do things, how they work, fascinates me. It's a little creepy, but it's cool :P


I gotta finish up my math and Spanish Homework :/ At least both are relatively short assignments.

The memories pass by without any notice. What once was is now forgotten. Forever maybe. Or maybe just stored away deep within the refines of the mind. 

Here's something to dwell on

-insert huge sigh here-

I don't really how to word this, but.. I guess you can say I had the weirdest morning. But I can't really remember what happened clearly. So my little sister likes to wake up at the asscrack of dawn. So she woke me up (not on purpose) around.. 5:45 if I remember correctly. That's fine, as I usually go back to sleep, but I just didn't. Partly because she was being obnoxious and being loud. Usually that doesn't bother me. I've grown immune (to some degree) to a three year old's antics. But I stayed up, in this very.. lucid state. I didn't know if I was awake or not. My mind was all over the place. Mind you, I don't even know if my eyes were open or not.

  gunna cut out some details here because they're so stupid and kind of personal


So during my.. "state" of being awake but not(makes no sense), I.. well, I wouldn't really quite call hearing, more like I knew that there was this... ringing, and it made my "vision" (didn't know if my eyes were actually open or not) do funky things. It's hard to explain, but there was a big horizontal grey bar at the bottom of my sight with a small gap at the top (I'll put in a MS pic), but kind of stayed more towards the left. Like a distortion. And I felt this.. energy. It was weird. It was like.. hard to describe, but it's like drinking 10+ Monsters at the same time, but not getting the hyped up hyper feeling. Felt it twice.

Then, I kept dreaming (Wouldn't call it that per say) that I got up and told my stepmom that the little child was being noisy. Then I would dream that I would open my eyes, come to find out my eyes are actually closed, and it's really hard to open them. Then to top it all off, I had rolled onto my side at some point, and I couldn't breathe. It was like... being suffocated from the inside. Couldn't breathe from my nose so I opened my mouth, come to find out I was choking and couldn't take in any air. I.. I HATE the feeling of not being able to breathe. I guess it's just one of those primal fears. I don't know if any of it really actually happened, the "dreams"were so vivid and felt/seemed so real that I still don't really understand.

Not to mention, my room was super warm when I woke up. AGAIN. Even though it's cold outside. I don't know.

I guess for some good news, I cleaned my "ground zero" of a room and closet. I can actually see the whole floor now. Took me all afternoon and night to do it (because I'm a severe procrastinator).






























God. I feel so down. All fucking day I've felt horrid. I really don't know what it is.

 If I'm sick, I've been sick for weeks then. At times I feel like my skin is so hot to the touch, but it's all normal temperature. Then I get these fucking headaches that wont go away, even if I do take medicine or go crawl under the blankets/pillows. I don't have that bothersome cough anymore, but it does pop up sometimes. And I can't stomach food all that well.

If I'm becoming depressed again, well fuck.


Nothing really exciting to mention.

there's someone or something that's always there and i don't know what it is. is it malevolent? or is it not? does it just simply observe? does it want something?


so many questions, so little answers. 


regards,
aXn

Alright. Let's get down to business.

So, yesterday, I hung out with my friend John. At first, I didn't want to go. Usually it's how I respond, but I just needed to get out of the house. It was starting to get claustrophobic, and there was something that was setting off my nerves. Glad I went, though. Twas fun. Here's a weird thing that happened: When I was walking to where we were going to meet up, it was nice, warm, sunny, totally not wintery weather. The moment we met up, I kid you not, the temperature dropped at least 5 degrees, and got windy. John agrees with this. He said (when we were up by Borders and Gamestop) when he was walking ('scuse me, running) it was warm and stuff, then got cold :X Hot damn. ANYWAY. We first walked up to Gamestop. John wanted to preorder Pokémanz Black version (idk. I'm not into that, so i dunno). The cashier was so funny.

It went like this:

J: "Yeah, um, I'd like to preorder Pokémon Black."
C: "Are you sure you don't want to preorder.."
She turns around and grabs a case
C: "Pokémon Whack?"
It was the Black and White case covering thing.. cut in half and stuck to gather so both black and white versions were shown, and it said Whack ("wh" from white, "" ack" from black). We lol'd. hard. XD

Then, it started snowing.

After, we went to Borders. John got some Deathnote book thing.. (How to Read, I think it was called), which I had to help pay for. He was 5$ short. And being the nice friend I am, I helped him out. I got House of Leaves and some graphology book. HoF mainly since everyone is talking about it (in slender related places) and that I like horror. I read a few pages, but it was late at night, so I was too tired to focus (that, and MH entry 36 came out last night. Oh Jay, you amuse me so. ). Plus, I had started reading the graphology book. It's been something that I've been wanting to look into since I read a book my sister lent me. Can't for the life of me remember what it's called. I'll have to ask her when she comes out in a few weeks.


I feel bad for my sister. She shouldn't have to go through all that bullshit.


After Borders (and two police cars pulled up next to us when we were walking in the parking lot DX ) we went to Staples, where I got these cool sticky note/memo pads that go in a spiral. Then we went back downtown and went to CVS and Joann's (an arts and crafts store). There, I got some rubber cement and chenill stems (laymans terms: pipe cleaners). Quite awesome. And me being me, I brought my camara, which was a good thing. Got some kickass pics. Beware yourself for a clusterfuck of photos :p

Parking lot over by Borders. 

First outside-my-room Panoramic picture. I like this one. 

John told me "Quick! Take a picture of the sky before the clouds come back!"

This is also near where the police cars stopped by us.

Shot of this "alley" thing next to this old parking garage that recently reopened. 

I hate going on it.

Panoramic of part of the garage and part of the local museum.

This one's pretty cool.

 In Eagle Square by the Fountain. I'll have to take some pictures of it when the snow melts and they turn it back on. It's my favorite place to chill when there isn't a shit ton of snow.

Clock tower.. thing. Outside Eagle Square and across the street form the Capitol Building.

These two are part of the gate thing that leads to Eagle Square. It's actually in shape of a tree.

someday I'll get a shot from the front. It has a little gnome on it xD

These two shot near the church that's not too far from my house. The sun was setting. Couldn't miss up this chance like I did when I was still downtown.

MMM. yes. So, yesterday, I decided to update my FB profile pic. Cuz I haven't changed it in god knows how long. So, wanting to be different from everyone else doing a "oh hai look at me I perdy", I went a little.. creative. Kind of hard to see.

 One of my friends said it's creepy. I kinda agree xD


The other day (and up to this point to), I kept seeing something move behind me, from the reflection off my laptop screen. But the thing is, where I keep seeing movement, is where my closet door is and where my shelf thing is :/ WAT. And I keep seeing things in my peripherals. Something dark and moving. It might be because I'm still sickish, or maybe from a lack of sleep or something, but it's starting to freak me out. Just a little. Like right now, I saw something. And to make matters worse, the tacks on my walls look like they're squirming around like big black maggots. But they aren't. Nor do I have any black tacks. Fucking eyes. I hate you so.

Then, the other night, when I know for certain my parental units are in their room, I went to use the bathroom. Either the kitchen or dining room light was on, cause it wasn't pitch black, and I saw some white pale thing in my freaking bathroom door way, stock still, by the light switch. I nearly shat myself. It ended up being my stepmom, who thought I was my little sister getting out of bed. BUT STILL. I nearly had a fucking HEART ATTACK D': Goddamn.

Lately I've been sleeping with my hat on. I really don't know why. The other night, it was like something told me to put it on :p Then I really wanted to go outside and go for a walk or something like that. Regardless that it was midnight, and that I really needed to get to sleep. I guess that could tie in with me feeling very childish as of late. WEIRD.

..I keep feeling as if I'm forgetting something. Just watch. I'll post this, and I'll go "D'oh! I knew I forgot something!" then proceed to either edit this post or open up notepad and write down what I forgot :1 Yep.

regards,
aXn